Conundrum
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
eish, can't help you there man. I got the exact same problem :) I'll be interested to hear what you do about it :)
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
That's an interesting problem u have got there. I would suggest u try to inc ur rational mentality :). If u help out that girl, u will lose time. But in the other case, i don't think the loss is that high. Rakesh Rajan
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
It's too late now. But to avoid this happening again start making people believe you are clueless, inresposible, and even dangerous when it comes to computers. Reading BOFH is a good start. :rolleyes: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Memory leaks is the price we pay \0 01234567890123456789012345678901234
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
Meet her at a coffee shop where there are NO pc's. Help her with the logic, but don't go anywhere near a keyboard - that way she'll have to understand enough to code it herself :).
Look at the world about you and trust to your own convictions. - Ansel Adams
Meg's World - Blog Photography - The product of my passion -
A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
Say you don't have much time and can only help by eMail. Here are some rules: 1. Make her describe the problems exactly. If you only get something like "I don't understand that...", answer that you don't understand her question. 2. If you're asked to "give a bit of code, pleeaase", you can give her a few lines of pseudo-code. Say you're not allowed to write the whole procedure, because, well, it's not allowed. Those are the basics. Do you think you'll get along? (If you need more tips, please describe exactly what our problem is...... :) ) coco
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Meet her at a coffee shop where there are NO pc's. Help her with the logic, but don't go anywhere near a keyboard - that way she'll have to understand enough to code it herself :).
Look at the world about you and trust to your own convictions. - Ansel Adams
Meg's World - Blog Photography - The product of my passionyeah and then go and see a film afterwards....;P
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, a sore thumb you will have."
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
Always meet in sandwich or coffee shops, never computer labs. If you absolutely need a computer, then one of you bring a laptop. Be sure not to spill coffee/sandwich crumbs into keyboard. Encourage her to buy the coffee/sandwiches for the both of you. Or, failing that, just you. Enjoy the sandwiches... :)
Shog9 --
Exchanging a walk-on part in the War
for the lead role in a Cage
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
I forced my brohter to study cmputer sience... And now I point at him all the time... Still it works... :-)
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eish, can't help you there man. I got the exact same problem :) I'll be interested to hear what you do about it :)
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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That's an interesting problem u have got there. I would suggest u try to inc ur rational mentality :). If u help out that girl, u will lose time. But in the other case, i don't think the loss is that high. Rakesh Rajan
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It's too late now. But to avoid this happening again start making people believe you are clueless, inresposible, and even dangerous when it comes to computers. Reading BOFH is a good start. :rolleyes: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Memory leaks is the price we pay \0 01234567890123456789012345678901234
Kastellanos Nikos wrote: making people believe you are clueless, inresposible, and even dangerous when it comes to computers That's kinda dangerous when gotten out of hand. There are some people that I would like to think me competent.....like my boss.
Support Bone
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Meet her at a coffee shop where there are NO pc's. Help her with the logic, but don't go anywhere near a keyboard - that way she'll have to understand enough to code it herself :).
Look at the world about you and trust to your own convictions. - Ansel Adams
Meg's World - Blog Photography - The product of my passion -
Say you don't have much time and can only help by eMail. Here are some rules: 1. Make her describe the problems exactly. If you only get something like "I don't understand that...", answer that you don't understand her question. 2. If you're asked to "give a bit of code, pleeaase", you can give her a few lines of pseudo-code. Say you're not allowed to write the whole procedure, because, well, it's not allowed. Those are the basics. Do you think you'll get along? (If you need more tips, please describe exactly what our problem is...... :) ) coco
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Always meet in sandwich or coffee shops, never computer labs. If you absolutely need a computer, then one of you bring a laptop. Be sure not to spill coffee/sandwich crumbs into keyboard. Encourage her to buy the coffee/sandwiches for the both of you. Or, failing that, just you. Enjoy the sandwiches... :)
Shog9 --
Exchanging a walk-on part in the War
for the lead role in a Cage
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
My only suggestion, which I have found to be very useful for me, is to remember that this is HER project, and you must not take ownership or responsibility for it. If she can't get it done, that's her problem. If she doesn't understand something, that's where you can help, but remember, you are only HELPING, not doing. If she still doesn't understand, then that's her problem. She is the one that needs to succeed, not you. You can offer aid and comfort, but as soon as you take ownership, you are doomed. If you feel any sense of responsiblity for the work, then you are doomed. Good luck, and if you decide there is more of an emotional involvement that can come of this "relationship," then ... Well, good luck. Dave "You can say that again." -- Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
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My only suggestion, which I have found to be very useful for me, is to remember that this is HER project, and you must not take ownership or responsibility for it. If she can't get it done, that's her problem. If she doesn't understand something, that's where you can help, but remember, you are only HELPING, not doing. If she still doesn't understand, then that's her problem. She is the one that needs to succeed, not you. You can offer aid and comfort, but as soon as you take ownership, you are doomed. If you feel any sense of responsiblity for the work, then you are doomed. Good luck, and if you decide there is more of an emotional involvement that can come of this "relationship," then ... Well, good luck. Dave "You can say that again." -- Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
[personal rant]I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of friends and family giving out my "free" help out to their friends (and even people they meet on the street) that when they say the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but I have told such and such that you would help them out." I immediately tell them, "I do mind. Tell them to call [insert local college or computer shop here]". If they have already given my phone number out ( this really irks me ), I just tell the stranger that starts calling the same thing until they stop calling. After 4 years I finally have my family and friends trained not to give out my name and number without asking me first. I don't mind helping a friend out or even a friend's friend if i have control over who it is and when I help them. I have actually had people yell at me over the phone because I wouldn't help them out for free because my Aunt or Friend told them I would![/rant] [ontopic] Getting back to your situation, you just need to learn to say no. Put your foot down, otherwise you will burn yourself out and it will stress your friendships out to the point where you will avoid talking to them (it did to me until I started saying no). In the end, saying no is much better for you. Remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should (provide computer support that is). [/ontopic] My code isn't buggy. Those are all fleatures.
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[personal rant]I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of friends and family giving out my "free" help out to their friends (and even people they meet on the street) that when they say the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but I have told such and such that you would help them out." I immediately tell them, "I do mind. Tell them to call [insert local college or computer shop here]". If they have already given my phone number out ( this really irks me ), I just tell the stranger that starts calling the same thing until they stop calling. After 4 years I finally have my family and friends trained not to give out my name and number without asking me first. I don't mind helping a friend out or even a friend's friend if i have control over who it is and when I help them. I have actually had people yell at me over the phone because I wouldn't help them out for free because my Aunt or Friend told them I would![/rant] [ontopic] Getting back to your situation, you just need to learn to say no. Put your foot down, otherwise you will burn yourself out and it will stress your friendships out to the point where you will avoid talking to them (it did to me until I started saying no). In the end, saying no is much better for you. Remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should (provide computer support that is). [/ontopic] My code isn't buggy. Those are all fleatures.
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Nic Rowan wrote: Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Are you saying I should set them on fire? :~
Support Bone
That's how we do it here in SA :) Just kidding. ;p Ag, it's just a play on the give a man a fish proverb.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
