Depressed today... any good jokes??

Ray Kinsella

did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar, they got six months each. Regards Ray "Je Suis Mort De Rire"

Melissa_N

hehehehe cute... Melissa

Dr No

By age 70, an employee of McDonald would have sold a total of 5 pounds of meat.

Paul Watson

MyDotNet wrote: By age 70, an employee of McDonald would have sold a total of 5 pounds of meant ...none of which actually ends up in the burgers you buy... ;P regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa Do you Sonork? I do! 100.9903 Stormfront "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge

Dr No

Ok, let's try another one. Andy Rooney's Thought on Life "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus?I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with.Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young.You get a gold watch.You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party.You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid.You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating... Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it."

Lost User

Twas the night before Ramadan As Osama, the louse Was plotting with Omar; His soon-to-be spouse. The Taliban were nestled, All snug in their caves And they dreamt of young virgins Who would soon be their slaves. Out in the desert, There arose such a clatter They crept from their caves To see what was the matter. Not far in the distance There came a strange sound. Lo and behold; They saw a mushroom-shaped cloud. Before Osama evaporated He knew it was true: His ass had been kicked By the Red, White, and Blue Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

Simon Walton

A man takes his dog into the the vets. "I'm sorry," says the vet, "but i'm going to have to put your dog down.". "Oh no!", says the man, "please, why do you have to put him down? He's perfectly healthy!". "Well," replies the vet, "my arms are starting to hurt". Simon Hey, it looks like you're writing a letter! Sonork ID 100.10024

Jon Sagara

A chicken and an egg checked into a sleezy motel room. Two minutes later, the egg lit up a cigarette.

*groan* I know, lame, but sometimes lame jokes can cheer people up. :) Jon Sagara "Ninety percent of baseball is mental, the other half is physical." -- Yogi Bera

Melissa_N

Hee hee hee... thanks to all for the attempts though :) much apprecitated :) Continue! :) Melissa

Jim A Johnson

Recognizing that all good jokes offend _somebody_... Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That's not funny.

Sam C

NICE! I like this one :-) Sam C ---- Allsys Technologies http://www.allsystech.com "Making software simpler..."

Jon Sagara

:laugh: Jon Sagara "Ninety percent of baseball is mental, the other half is physical." -- Yogi Bera

Michael Dunn

As Jim said, all good jokes offend somebody, so here we go... ;) One day, a guy was sitting in first class waiting for everyone to board so the plane could take off. He sees the Pope walk through the door, and is even more surprised when the Pope takes the seat right next to him. The guy is completely surprised, and just sits in nervous silence, not really knowing what to say. Once the flight begins, the Pope pulls out a crossword puzzle and starts working on it. The guy thinks to himself, "Maybe I can use that to start a conversation... talk about the puzzle..." but he's still really nervous. A few minutes later, the Pope turns to the guy and asks, "Pardon me, can you think of a 4-letter word describing a woman, that ends in U-N-T?" The guy thinks hard for a minute, and finally says "Aunt. A-U-N-T." The Pope laughs and says, "Of course! How silly of me. Say, do you have an eraser?" --Mike-- http://home.inreach.com/mdunn/ While I can't be correct on all matters, I can make the reassuring claim that where I am inaccurate, I am at least definitively inaccurate. :love: your :bob: with :vegemite: and :beer: Sonork - 100.10414 AcidHelm

Test out a prerelease build of my Hotfix Checker v2.0! (133K)

Wes Jones

That's a good one! :laugh: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with pencil and paper! "Show me the nature of the world" asked the student. "I don't know, I've never been there" said the professor. ;) -Wes C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN \\RUN\DOS\RUN

Melissa_N

Hehehehehe that is too funny :) :-D Melissa

Tim Smith

ROFL Tim Smith Descartes Systems Sciences, Inc.

John McIlroy

Philisophical Question If a man is a forest, and the says something, and there are no women around... Is he still wrong?

Melissa_N

Hee hee hee.... YES! :P Melissa

Ernest Laurentin

Don't be depresed... WE (:rose: ) love you! -- A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. "But I paid, don't you remember?" said the customer. "Okay," said the bartender. "If you say you paid, you did." The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn't keep track of his customers' bills. The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt. The barkeep replied, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks. The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responded. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." -- Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again?

Ravi Bhavnani

Check out http://www.ravib.com/news.htm for some (dated) funny news. /ravi "There is always one more bug..." ravib@ravib.com http://www.ravib.com