Is it normal ?
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
Without knowing more detail it is difficult to advise but my thoughts are:- Your wife and mother are competing for a scarce resource - you - which is why they are fighting. You need to reassure both that you are not "choosing between them" in allocating your time (or indeed earnings).
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Without knowing more detail it is difficult to advise but my thoughts are:- Your wife and mother are competing for a scarce resource - you - which is why they are fighting. You need to reassure both that you are not "choosing between them" in allocating your time (or indeed earnings).
yes you are true .. My friends say mothers become insecure once wife comes ... and wives becomes insecure once the mothers come to live with thier husbands ... But in my case , all my money , home affairs , even considerations are given only to my wife - my mom is a non-entity as far as household stuffs are concerned. Still my wife is stupidly creating issues .. People say every propblem has a solution .. I have learning how to fix a worst memory leak , dangling pointer bugs spending weeks ..but i never mastered the art of keeping the balance at house ... I am sure I am a soft spoken , understanding husband to my wife . Today also I asked her calmly to share with me any problems she wants me to talk out with my mom ...she refuses to reason with actions and also continues to yell at all of us ..including me .... Life is a wreck redindian
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yes you are true .. My friends say mothers become insecure once wife comes ... and wives becomes insecure once the mothers come to live with thier husbands ... But in my case , all my money , home affairs , even considerations are given only to my wife - my mom is a non-entity as far as household stuffs are concerned. Still my wife is stupidly creating issues .. People say every propblem has a solution .. I have learning how to fix a worst memory leak , dangling pointer bugs spending weeks ..but i never mastered the art of keeping the balance at house ... I am sure I am a soft spoken , understanding husband to my wife . Today also I asked her calmly to share with me any problems she wants me to talk out with my mom ...she refuses to reason with actions and also continues to yell at all of us ..including me .... Life is a wreck redindian
dharani wrote: People say every propblem has a solution .. Yes, and most of the problems the answer is.... time "He that is good with a hammer tends to think everything is a nail."
- Abraham Maslow -
I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
dharani wrote: My wife and my mom are fighting everyday Really very Sad Story, Though I amnot married but i can understand your situation (Wouldn't want t give reason why? pls). Do u have Kids? if no, then have atleast one., this will certainly going to reduce problem at your Home... It's time tested formulae... try it.. as small children always bringer of peace and harmony in family..!:)
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta VC Forum Q&A :- I/ IV
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
for me, the key of happiness is the word... we always talk together (with my girlfriend - i'm not married) but as soon as something embarrasing happens, talking together decreases the difficulty. i don't know why your wife refuses to talk, and what's going on between her and your mother, but you should talk with each separately to understand her visions of the problem... if you don't, you won't know why it's like that, and if you can't know, you won't solve the problem... maybe this have dark/deep reasons (maybe the time you spend at work) but as i advise you, you won't know if all these words are not spoken down. what you could do after having words bith both separately is having a discussion all together (yep, your wife, your mom and you) where you could take the rule of a mediator, giving the speak time to each, and forbidding the voice level to increase... d'you understand what i suggest ? have peace and courage, :rose:
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
Let me get this right - your mother LIVES with you ? Why ? Here's a newsflash for you - when you got married, you chose to build a family with your wife. If your mother doesn't like that, if they don't get along, you need to either stand by your wife, or divorce her. If you just run to work, then they will keep fighting and hoping that you'll make a stand for one or the other. Be a man. Otherwise, be ready for an unhappy life. Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
Been there done that... Do yourself a favour, and get to understand what your wife and mother really want. There is an excellent book written by Susan Forward, called "Toxic parents" ISBN - 0 - 553 - 38140 - 7 This will give you a good insight, but needs you to be mentally strong and make choices that you can live with. Best of luck.
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
i read your story.i am unmarried but i saw same situation at my relatives family. as many indians have joint families so this problem is comman. i will suggest u few thinks. a)Send your mother at some holy or picnic places for a few days or u & your wife make plan for tour. by changing your daily routines & going for the tours your mind will be get fresh. b) tell your mother & wife that their current behaviour will directly affect your job. c) for u just start the day with love,fill the day with love & end the day with love.
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I am a complete wreck today !! . Know why ?? My wife and my mom are fighting everyday . Though my mom can be blamed for few mecheivious acts , I feel my wife is unnecessarily adament on silly issues . I , now a days , go home very very late in the evening . And come to office on saturdays also . I know I am harming my mental/physical health by over work and I am an escapist from reality . I talked to my wife to make her think reasonably , but no positive results ...She is yelling at my mom for silly matters... Finally I came to know I have lost of peace of mind... I dont understand how people can be so ununderstandable to the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family I NEED PEACE of MIND above all ??? Why is this happening . I am totally at loss of ideas . In the office people are asking me why I am unusually dull . Some even smelled something is wrong in my family . I am very depressed . There is an air of sympathy on me now in the eyes of my collegues. Has anyone solved such kinda issues ? or Am I taking to much into heart ?... For past 3 days I stopped coding ....simply looking at the screen ...asking myself WHY shd it happen to me only ???? when everybody else is happily married ... redindian
//U are not he only person facing such situation & what ur doing is i think what //a normal person might have done in his life. I strongly belive that Time is the //solution for any dam big problem , So pls be patient divert ur attention to //some other work. //Look when people grow old they are insecure about their importence //Young people are more egoistic. //If both get their importence & ego satisfied then the problem is solved. //let your mom feel that she is important //make your wifes ego satisfied , take her out some time //One best solution make your wife to do JOB //One thing i can do is to pray god for your family //Can do " Gayatri Yagna " Vikas Amin Embin Technology Bombay vikas.amin@embin.com