Joke...
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It’s been a while since I have had a good laugh. :laugh: Aussie Humor.... How to run a successful airline - United/US Airways/TWA/Sabena/Olympic and all the others - read carefully! Never let it be said that Australians do not have a sense of humor. Qantas Airlines gripes and fixes: ---------------------------------------- After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. ______________________________________________________ (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. ---------------------------------------- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ---------------------------------------- P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. ---------------------------------------- P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. ---------------------------------------- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ---------------------------------------- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. ---------------------------------------- P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. ---------------------------------------- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. ---------------------------------------- P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ---------------------------------------- P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. ---------------------------------------- P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. ---------------------------------------- P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ---------------------------------------- P:
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It’s been a while since I have had a good laugh. :laugh: Aussie Humor.... How to run a successful airline - United/US Airways/TWA/Sabena/Olympic and all the others - read carefully! Never let it be said that Australians do not have a sense of humor. Qantas Airlines gripes and fixes: ---------------------------------------- After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. ______________________________________________________ (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. ---------------------------------------- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ---------------------------------------- P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. ---------------------------------------- P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. ---------------------------------------- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ---------------------------------------- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. ---------------------------------------- P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. ---------------------------------------- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. ---------------------------------------- P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ---------------------------------------- P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. ---------------------------------------- P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. ---------------------------------------- P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ---------------------------------------- P:
Old, and I still don't know if it's true, but a classic worth preserving! Thanks!:-D Boredom, Bull$^%&, Baggage, Bar - all start with 'B'
Coincidence? -
Old, and I still don't know if it's true, but a classic worth preserving! Thanks!:-D Boredom, Bull$^%&, Baggage, Bar - all start with 'B'
Coincidence?Roger Wright wrote: I still don't know if it's true I doubt it. Why would a civilian aircraft have a target radar? ;)
Ryan
"Punctuality is only a virtue for those who aren't smart enough to think of good excuses for being late" John Nichol "Point Of Impact"
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Roger Wright wrote: I still don't know if it's true I doubt it. Why would a civilian aircraft have a target radar? ;)
Ryan
"Punctuality is only a virtue for those who aren't smart enough to think of good excuses for being late" John Nichol "Point Of Impact"
:doh: Missed that completely!:-O Excellent point! Boredom, Bull$^%&, Baggage, Bar - all start with 'B'
Coincidence? -
Old, and I still don't know if it's true, but a classic worth preserving! Thanks!:-D Boredom, Bull$^%&, Baggage, Bar - all start with 'B'
Coincidence? -
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It’s been a while since I have had a good laugh. :laugh: Aussie Humor.... How to run a successful airline - United/US Airways/TWA/Sabena/Olympic and all the others - read carefully! Never let it be said that Australians do not have a sense of humor. Qantas Airlines gripes and fixes: ---------------------------------------- After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. ______________________________________________________ (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. ---------------------------------------- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ---------------------------------------- P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. ---------------------------------------- P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. ---------------------------------------- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ---------------------------------------- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. ---------------------------------------- P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. ---------------------------------------- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. ---------------------------------------- P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ---------------------------------------- P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. ---------------------------------------- P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. ---------------------------------------- P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ---------------------------------------- P:
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hehe , got that one already in my mailbox. sfdougl wrote: By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. I'm glad you say that, last week we booked a flight with Qantas... pfew (for a moment there :-)) No hurries, no worries.
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Roger Wright wrote: I still don't know if it's true I doubt it. Why would a civilian aircraft have a target radar? ;)
Ryan
"Punctuality is only a virtue for those who aren't smart enough to think of good excuses for being late" John Nichol "Point Of Impact"
Or IFF. But still good "S:Cat installed" :laugh: The tigress is here :-D
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Or IFF. But still good "S:Cat installed" :laugh: The tigress is here :-D
Trollslayer wrote: Or IFF. Mostly. They do have an IFF beacon responder, so they respond to IFF interrogations, but they can't interrogate other aircaft.
Ryan
"Punctuality is only a virtue for those who aren't smart enough to think of good excuses for being late" John Nichol "Point Of Impact"