sorry, a bit of a rant...
-
Okay...so this isn't CP related at all, but I've seen people ask for advice here before. So, I was hoping to get some input from some of you on passive-agressive people. I think I'm a pretty easy going person in general, but passive-aggressive people annoy me! These are the people that enter a room, don’t say anything but sigh. I’m not speaking about a humourus/cartoonish sigh. I’m talking about a please ask me what is wrong sigh. And there is always something wrong with these people. And they don’t seem aware that other people have problems as well. These are also the kind of people that always let you chose but then sigh and look pouty if you chose wrong. Well then why ask? These are the people that will secretly resent you over something that you did, or they think you may have done, but they won’t tell you that it is bothering them. And so althoguh you know something is wrong with them, you aren't aware it has to do with you. Anyone know what I am talking about? I deal with a person who is like this. I’ve tried telling them to be up front with me, and not to ‘read into’ the things I say and do. If I have something to say I say it. If I do something that offends you, tell me. However, they are still sighing, pouting(which is really annoying when it isn’t in jest), and being like this. Aside form distancing myself from them as much as I can, what else would you suggest? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
I know exactly what you're talking about - drives me nuts, too. (sigh...) I don't know of a way to make them any more tolerable, but I find if I ignore them, and I mean truly learn to not give a damn how badly they feel, then I get two results. One is, of course, I don't drive myself mad trying to figure out what I've done this time, and the other is that such people don't come to me for sympathy anymore. I haven't any for people who wallow in self-induced misery.
-
I know exactly what you're talking about - drives me nuts, too. (sigh...) I don't know of a way to make them any more tolerable, but I find if I ignore them, and I mean truly learn to not give a damn how badly they feel, then I get two results. One is, of course, I don't drive myself mad trying to figure out what I've done this time, and the other is that such people don't come to me for sympathy anymore. I haven't any for people who wallow in self-induced misery.
Roger Wright wrote: "....I find if I ignore them, and I mean truly learn to not give a damn how badly they feel" Thanks. I have been trying that first part, but having trouble with the last part. I'll work on it :-) "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
-
Okay...so this isn't CP related at all, but I've seen people ask for advice here before. So, I was hoping to get some input from some of you on passive-agressive people. I think I'm a pretty easy going person in general, but passive-aggressive people annoy me! These are the people that enter a room, don’t say anything but sigh. I’m not speaking about a humourus/cartoonish sigh. I’m talking about a please ask me what is wrong sigh. And there is always something wrong with these people. And they don’t seem aware that other people have problems as well. These are also the kind of people that always let you chose but then sigh and look pouty if you chose wrong. Well then why ask? These are the people that will secretly resent you over something that you did, or they think you may have done, but they won’t tell you that it is bothering them. And so althoguh you know something is wrong with them, you aren't aware it has to do with you. Anyone know what I am talking about? I deal with a person who is like this. I’ve tried telling them to be up front with me, and not to ‘read into’ the things I say and do. If I have something to say I say it. If I do something that offends you, tell me. However, they are still sighing, pouting(which is really annoying when it isn’t in jest), and being like this. Aside form distancing myself from them as much as I can, what else would you suggest? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
Sounds like my wife. My usually solution is to grovel until I find out what I've done wrong. "Thank you, thank you very much" Elvis.
-
Okay...so this isn't CP related at all, but I've seen people ask for advice here before. So, I was hoping to get some input from some of you on passive-agressive people. I think I'm a pretty easy going person in general, but passive-aggressive people annoy me! These are the people that enter a room, don’t say anything but sigh. I’m not speaking about a humourus/cartoonish sigh. I’m talking about a please ask me what is wrong sigh. And there is always something wrong with these people. And they don’t seem aware that other people have problems as well. These are also the kind of people that always let you chose but then sigh and look pouty if you chose wrong. Well then why ask? These are the people that will secretly resent you over something that you did, or they think you may have done, but they won’t tell you that it is bothering them. And so althoguh you know something is wrong with them, you aren't aware it has to do with you. Anyone know what I am talking about? I deal with a person who is like this. I’ve tried telling them to be up front with me, and not to ‘read into’ the things I say and do. If I have something to say I say it. If I do something that offends you, tell me. However, they are still sighing, pouting(which is really annoying when it isn’t in jest), and being like this. Aside form distancing myself from them as much as I can, what else would you suggest? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. My solution was give her the "ex" prefix. :) Mauricio Teichmann Ritter Brazil mauricioritter@hotmail.com
-
Okay...so this isn't CP related at all, but I've seen people ask for advice here before. So, I was hoping to get some input from some of you on passive-agressive people. I think I'm a pretty easy going person in general, but passive-aggressive people annoy me! These are the people that enter a room, don’t say anything but sigh. I’m not speaking about a humourus/cartoonish sigh. I’m talking about a please ask me what is wrong sigh. And there is always something wrong with these people. And they don’t seem aware that other people have problems as well. These are also the kind of people that always let you chose but then sigh and look pouty if you chose wrong. Well then why ask? These are the people that will secretly resent you over something that you did, or they think you may have done, but they won’t tell you that it is bothering them. And so althoguh you know something is wrong with them, you aren't aware it has to do with you. Anyone know what I am talking about? I deal with a person who is like this. I’ve tried telling them to be up front with me, and not to ‘read into’ the things I say and do. If I have something to say I say it. If I do something that offends you, tell me. However, they are still sighing, pouting(which is really annoying when it isn’t in jest), and being like this. Aside form distancing myself from them as much as I can, what else would you suggest? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
Do you know my mother-in-law?! :omg: You've just described her in great detail. Here are a few things that work well for me: 1) When they try to prod you into starting a conversion you don't want to start, don't bite. It drives them nuts. Here are a few examples: Them: pout Me: typity-type-type furrowed brow Them: That's weird... Me: I bet... leave the room Them: I'm really upset... whine Me: thoughtful concerned look Hmmm... suddenly cheerful Could you get me a coffee? One sugar double cream. Oh, and a donut too - I love the ones with chocolate sprinkles. Now bear in mind that more often than not, this just provokes them. If they're relatively secure and just want to talk, there's nothing you can do, short of shouting obscenities at them, to stop the onslaught. If, on the other hand, they're close to the edge, this is a great way drive them over it. 2) When the inevitable complaints come, try to interject your own stories. It's not necessary to make them relate. For example: Me: Oi, what the f**k's wrong with you? Them: Oh, nothing... I just didn't like the way you typed when you knew I was upset. Me: No kidding? That reminds me of the time I was driving up north with the guys. We just decided that's what we were going to do for the day. Except when we passed that burger joint on the 400, Dave starting puking. And when I say puking, what I mean is firing this horrid reddish-orange junk out of his mouth. Looked like a family of chickens had been shot, at close range, with one of those anti-tank missles. You know, those ones with the extra armour-piercing explosive charge at the tip. Damn what a mess - all over the windshield. 'Course, then we had to turn around and get a burger... This is practically a sure-fire way to get them so pissed off with you, that they'll probably just find someone else to soak in their unhappiness. and most importantly 3) DON'T marry their children unless you really REALLY have to (unconditional love, shutgun pointed at your midriff, etc). :) In truth, though, it pisses me off. I like to think I'm a relatively happy guy. Happy marriage. Happy career (for the most part). It pisses me of when people insist on trying to change the way I feel simply becuase they're not happy. J
-
Sounds like my wife. My usually solution is to grovel until I find out what I've done wrong. "Thank you, thank you very much" Elvis.
-
Do you know my mother-in-law?! :omg: You've just described her in great detail. Here are a few things that work well for me: 1) When they try to prod you into starting a conversion you don't want to start, don't bite. It drives them nuts. Here are a few examples: Them: pout Me: typity-type-type furrowed brow Them: That's weird... Me: I bet... leave the room Them: I'm really upset... whine Me: thoughtful concerned look Hmmm... suddenly cheerful Could you get me a coffee? One sugar double cream. Oh, and a donut too - I love the ones with chocolate sprinkles. Now bear in mind that more often than not, this just provokes them. If they're relatively secure and just want to talk, there's nothing you can do, short of shouting obscenities at them, to stop the onslaught. If, on the other hand, they're close to the edge, this is a great way drive them over it. 2) When the inevitable complaints come, try to interject your own stories. It's not necessary to make them relate. For example: Me: Oi, what the f**k's wrong with you? Them: Oh, nothing... I just didn't like the way you typed when you knew I was upset. Me: No kidding? That reminds me of the time I was driving up north with the guys. We just decided that's what we were going to do for the day. Except when we passed that burger joint on the 400, Dave starting puking. And when I say puking, what I mean is firing this horrid reddish-orange junk out of his mouth. Looked like a family of chickens had been shot, at close range, with one of those anti-tank missles. You know, those ones with the extra armour-piercing explosive charge at the tip. Damn what a mess - all over the windshield. 'Course, then we had to turn around and get a burger... This is practically a sure-fire way to get them so pissed off with you, that they'll probably just find someone else to soak in their unhappiness. and most importantly 3) DON'T marry their children unless you really REALLY have to (unconditional love, shutgun pointed at your midriff, etc). :) In truth, though, it pisses me off. I like to think I'm a relatively happy guy. Happy marriage. Happy career (for the most part). It pisses me of when people insist on trying to change the way I feel simply becuase they're not happy. J
-
Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. My solution was give her the "ex" prefix. :) Mauricio Teichmann Ritter Brazil mauricioritter@hotmail.com
-
I do the cocked-eyebrow-blank-face-"why are you saying this to me?"-look. It does work sometimes. The rest was hilarious! :laugh: do you really do that? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
qomi wrote: do you really do that? <sigh> No. But it sounded like you needed a laugh. I think I've become soft over the years. I've found that a combination of a) not letting it bother me, and b) recognizing when I need to give in and listen is the best solution. Oh, and try to be rational. Sounds like yer adversary is not, and I think that without someone with their head on straight, there would be no solution. Try: "Look, I know you're upset. I don't know why, and you don't seem to want to tell me. I'd love to help you solve this, but I can't until you let me in. Please come back when you're ready to explain. Until then, neither one of us getting anywhere." This sudden blast of pure unadulterated reason will likely prod them into spilling their guts. Then, at least, the issue is out in the open. My $0.02. J
-
Okay...so this isn't CP related at all, but I've seen people ask for advice here before. So, I was hoping to get some input from some of you on passive-agressive people. I think I'm a pretty easy going person in general, but passive-aggressive people annoy me! These are the people that enter a room, don’t say anything but sigh. I’m not speaking about a humourus/cartoonish sigh. I’m talking about a please ask me what is wrong sigh. And there is always something wrong with these people. And they don’t seem aware that other people have problems as well. These are also the kind of people that always let you chose but then sigh and look pouty if you chose wrong. Well then why ask? These are the people that will secretly resent you over something that you did, or they think you may have done, but they won’t tell you that it is bothering them. And so althoguh you know something is wrong with them, you aren't aware it has to do with you. Anyone know what I am talking about? I deal with a person who is like this. I’ve tried telling them to be up front with me, and not to ‘read into’ the things I say and do. If I have something to say I say it. If I do something that offends you, tell me. However, they are still sighing, pouting(which is really annoying when it isn’t in jest), and being like this. Aside form distancing myself from them as much as I can, what else would you suggest? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
The *only* thing you can do is to tell people to get over themselves. I mean, fair dinkum, the world does not revolve around any one persons troubles, and in my experience people like this don't want to be happy, they want something to bitch about. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
qomi wrote: do you really do that? <sigh> No. But it sounded like you needed a laugh. I think I've become soft over the years. I've found that a combination of a) not letting it bother me, and b) recognizing when I need to give in and listen is the best solution. Oh, and try to be rational. Sounds like yer adversary is not, and I think that without someone with their head on straight, there would be no solution. Try: "Look, I know you're upset. I don't know why, and you don't seem to want to tell me. I'd love to help you solve this, but I can't until you let me in. Please come back when you're ready to explain. Until then, neither one of us getting anywhere." This sudden blast of pure unadulterated reason will likely prod them into spilling their guts. Then, at least, the issue is out in the open. My $0.02. J
My mother is exactly like this ( did you marry my sister ? I pity you if you did ) and I just put the phone down. She is SO loud I can let her rant for ages and I'll know as soon as she stops. Then I stop typing. pick up the phone and say 'really ? That's TERRIBLE'. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
qomi wrote: do you really do that? <sigh> No. But it sounded like you needed a laugh. I think I've become soft over the years. I've found that a combination of a) not letting it bother me, and b) recognizing when I need to give in and listen is the best solution. Oh, and try to be rational. Sounds like yer adversary is not, and I think that without someone with their head on straight, there would be no solution. Try: "Look, I know you're upset. I don't know why, and you don't seem to want to tell me. I'd love to help you solve this, but I can't until you let me in. Please come back when you're ready to explain. Until then, neither one of us getting anywhere." This sudden blast of pure unadulterated reason will likely prod them into spilling their guts. Then, at least, the issue is out in the open. My $0.02. J
-
Roger Wright wrote: "....I find if I ignore them, and I mean truly learn to not give a damn how badly they feel" Thanks. I have been trying that first part, but having trouble with the last part. I'll work on it :-) "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
A different way of looking at this is "don't take ownership of their problems." Their problems are their problems, and if they want to share, are looking for a shoulder to cry on, need some help (men typically jump to this immediately), then that's fine. A friend will lend their ear. But if they want to whine, and pout, and carry on, then that's fine, too. That's their choice. You don't need to be the one that determines how they need to work through their difficulties, but you do that when you take ownership of their problem and then ask "what's wrong." After that, it's all down hill ... "oh, nothing." It's not that you don't care, it's just realistic that you can't do anything to help them. Dave "You can say that again." -- Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
-
The *only* thing you can do is to tell people to get over themselves. I mean, fair dinkum, the world does not revolve around any one persons troubles, and in my experience people like this don't want to be happy, they want something to bitch about. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
Christian Graus wrote: "in my experience people like this don't want to be happy" Hmmm...yeah, that's what I've been thinking. But why? :confused: "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
qomi wrote: in my experience people like this don't want to be happy I think they just one some attention... but they approach the others by the wrong way. Mauricio Teichmann Ritter Brazil mauricioritter@hotmail.com
-
My mother is exactly like this ( did you marry my sister ? I pity you if you did ) and I just put the phone down. She is SO loud I can let her rant for ages and I'll know as soon as she stops. Then I stop typing. pick up the phone and say 'really ? That's TERRIBLE'. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
A different way of looking at this is "don't take ownership of their problems." Their problems are their problems, and if they want to share, are looking for a shoulder to cry on, need some help (men typically jump to this immediately), then that's fine. A friend will lend their ear. But if they want to whine, and pout, and carry on, then that's fine, too. That's their choice. You don't need to be the one that determines how they need to work through their difficulties, but you do that when you take ownership of their problem and then ask "what's wrong." After that, it's all down hill ... "oh, nothing." It's not that you don't care, it's just realistic that you can't do anything to help them. Dave "You can say that again." -- Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
-
:laugh: That's funny. Does she have any idea that you do it? "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
Whoops. I am running two PC's side by side, one to play music and surf and the other to do some work before I go away. I just typed your reply onto the other PC ( not on the network) Try again.... My mother has been miserable my whole life. I was always told she stayed with my father for the kids, she claims my dad beats her ( this was the WORST, because I know she exaggerates/lies, but I also know my father has a temper, so I didn't really know how to approach this. ), and on and on. She has so little idea of real life that when she was in a 'disown your sister' phase, she sent her a registered letter, telling her not to talk to my mum again. She thought this meant my sister would be put in jail if she did, because it was a registered letter. We discussed it for ages, then she spoke to Donna, and moments later I hear her saying to my Mum ' that's not what a registered letter DOES '... My father on the other hand assumes all women are stupid. When he stays with us, he asks Donna something, then comes to ask me because he does not believe her. I have to work hard not to accidently contradict her, and in fact tell him often to ask Donna because she knows better than me. It doesn't help that she refuses to heat his milk and make his corn flakes in the morning... So the point is neither of them seem to know which way is up and I'm sure she has no idea that I don't really listen to the latest installment. They are all the same anyhow, so it's not like I can't respond to what she says, I know it before she starts - either my sister is trash and a liar, or the world is against my poor sister. Currently my sister blames every problem in her life on me hitting her ( as in once, not on a continual basis ) with a stick when I was 5 and she was 3. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
Christian Graus wrote: "in my experience people like this don't want to be happy" Hmmm...yeah, that's what I've been thinking. But why? :confused: "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw
qomi wrote: Hmmm...yeah, that's what I've been thinking. But why? Because thinking their unhappiness is someone elses fault is so much easier than taking a chance at doing something about it. Because there is comfort in feeling sorry for yourself, that it's not your fault and you could have been so much more if life was not against you. My mother has a standard speech which is basically 'I've been treated so badly for so long that I have no emotions anymore'. Another was 'I hate kids, so don't show me your kids because they won't like me, they can sense I hate them.' When she met Hannah the first time Hannah was unsure ( of course ), and Mum said 'I don't mind, I hate kids'. Hannah loved Mum and soon Mum couldn't get enough of her, offered to mind her for the day while we went out, etc. It's a defence mechanism. She wanted Hannah to love her and was terrified she wouldn't, so she prepared by telling herself she didn't care. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
-
Whoops. I am running two PC's side by side, one to play music and surf and the other to do some work before I go away. I just typed your reply onto the other PC ( not on the network) Try again.... My mother has been miserable my whole life. I was always told she stayed with my father for the kids, she claims my dad beats her ( this was the WORST, because I know she exaggerates/lies, but I also know my father has a temper, so I didn't really know how to approach this. ), and on and on. She has so little idea of real life that when she was in a 'disown your sister' phase, she sent her a registered letter, telling her not to talk to my mum again. She thought this meant my sister would be put in jail if she did, because it was a registered letter. We discussed it for ages, then she spoke to Donna, and moments later I hear her saying to my Mum ' that's not what a registered letter DOES '... My father on the other hand assumes all women are stupid. When he stays with us, he asks Donna something, then comes to ask me because he does not believe her. I have to work hard not to accidently contradict her, and in fact tell him often to ask Donna because she knows better than me. It doesn't help that she refuses to heat his milk and make his corn flakes in the morning... So the point is neither of them seem to know which way is up and I'm sure she has no idea that I don't really listen to the latest installment. They are all the same anyhow, so it's not like I can't respond to what she says, I know it before she starts - either my sister is trash and a liar, or the world is against my poor sister. Currently my sister blames every problem in her life on me hitting her ( as in once, not on a continual basis ) with a stick when I was 5 and she was 3. Christian I have come to clean zee pooollll. - Michael Martin Dec 30, 2001 Picture the daffodil. And while you do that, I'll be over here going through your stuff. Picture a world without war, without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they would never expect it.
Sonork ID 100.10002:MeanManOz
I live in Bob's HungOut now
wow...that is both sad and funny. Not an easy situation to handle I am sure. I can only imagine how screwed up my siblings and I are, if your sister feels her life is ruined from you hitting her with a stick once oh so long ago. "All great truths begin as blasphemies." -George Bernard Shaw