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New Cult

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  • L Offline
    L Offline
    Lost User
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

    • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
    • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

    Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

    D M B C M 5 Replies Last reply
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    • L Lost User

      No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

      • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
      • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

      Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

      D Offline
      D Offline
      DRHuff
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      How about "Martin is for all" Cause when you say it fast you will definatly attract followers. "Martinis for all":laugh: Dave Huff There are no small projects - only young ones.

      D 1 Reply Last reply
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      • D DRHuff

        How about "Martin is for all" Cause when you say it fast you will definatly attract followers. "Martinis for all":laugh: Dave Huff There are no small projects - only young ones.

        D Offline
        D Offline
        DRHuff
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        Make that "definitely".:-O Damn finger were working yesterday. :mad: Dave Huff There are no small projects - only young ones.

        1 Reply Last reply
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        • L Lost User

          No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

          • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
          • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

          Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

          M Offline
          M Offline
          Mr Morden
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          Well... lets see... First, I think you need to write a book. Call it Mikanetics, that sounds like a good name. It doesnt need to have much substance, just a lot of pyschobabble. You should be able to come up with one in an afternoon. Second, you need a brainwashing process. Lets call it Mikiting. You could use some lowtech equipment. A couple of tin cans and some soggy string should do. You're into technology however, so maybe an old transistor radio wired up to a PDA? Third, you need to have levels. Like the masons. You could invent a group of good guys, [The Mikers perhaps?], and a group of bad guys [The AntiMike could be their leader]. The bad guys should be really bad, and should have done something really bad to the good guys at some point. Oh, and they should come from another planet. Venus and Mars have already been taken [men and women]. What about Saturn and Uranus. [Note, the bad guys must come from Uranus, good guys could never come from a place with a name like that.] Lastly, you need a team of lawyers. Rabid, viscous, mean buggers who are quite prepared to sue anyone who bad mouths your church. I mean even if a five year old girl says something negative in a park like, "I don't like the Mikeyologists." Your lawyers will come down on her and her family [even distant relatives] like a ton of bricks. They need to seek retractions, large sums of cash, and lifetime commitments to your organisation [legally enforceable in many states and countries.] So Mike, if you do these things, you will have an organisation worthy of the name cult.

          D 1 Reply Last reply
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          • L Lost User

            No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

            • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
            • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

            Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

            B Offline
            B Offline
            Brit
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            Michael Martin wrote: Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me. No, no. That's too big of a barrier. Instead, you should drain them of their money slowly over time. Call it "auditing" or something. Michael Martin wrote: Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me. Maybe you can make something up about being the vessel through which the god-child will be born. If women want to be 'honored' with the chance to give birth to the god-child, they have to have sex with you.

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • L Lost User

              No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

              • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
              • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

              Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

              C Offline
              C Offline
              ColinDavies
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              This is a wonderful idea. :-) I think there is a lot of room these days for cyber - cults. It would keep down your establishment costs as well, Make sure you get a https server so you can accept credit-card payments. Regardz Colin J Davies

              Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

              PJ ArendsP 1 Reply Last reply
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              • C ColinDavies

                This is a wonderful idea. :-) I think there is a lot of room these days for cyber - cults. It would keep down your establishment costs as well, Make sure you get a https server so you can accept credit-card payments. Regardz Colin J Davies

                Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

                PJ ArendsP Offline
                PJ ArendsP Offline
                PJ Arends
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                But what about the sex? ... Oh yeah, cyber-sex. never mind ;P --- CPUA 0x5041 Sonork 100.11743 Chicken Little It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

                Within you lies the power for good; Use it!

                C 1 Reply Last reply
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                • M Mr Morden

                  Well... lets see... First, I think you need to write a book. Call it Mikanetics, that sounds like a good name. It doesnt need to have much substance, just a lot of pyschobabble. You should be able to come up with one in an afternoon. Second, you need a brainwashing process. Lets call it Mikiting. You could use some lowtech equipment. A couple of tin cans and some soggy string should do. You're into technology however, so maybe an old transistor radio wired up to a PDA? Third, you need to have levels. Like the masons. You could invent a group of good guys, [The Mikers perhaps?], and a group of bad guys [The AntiMike could be their leader]. The bad guys should be really bad, and should have done something really bad to the good guys at some point. Oh, and they should come from another planet. Venus and Mars have already been taken [men and women]. What about Saturn and Uranus. [Note, the bad guys must come from Uranus, good guys could never come from a place with a name like that.] Lastly, you need a team of lawyers. Rabid, viscous, mean buggers who are quite prepared to sue anyone who bad mouths your church. I mean even if a five year old girl says something negative in a park like, "I don't like the Mikeyologists." Your lawyers will come down on her and her family [even distant relatives] like a ton of bricks. They need to seek retractions, large sums of cash, and lifetime commitments to your organisation [legally enforceable in many states and countries.] So Mike, if you do these things, you will have an organisation worthy of the name cult.

                  D Offline
                  D Offline
                  David Wulff
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  John Judd wrote: First, I think you need to write a book. Call it Mikanetics John Judd wrote: Second, you need a brainwashing process. Lets call it Mikiting John Judd wrote: Third, you need to have levels. Like the masons. John Judd wrote: Lastly, you need a team of lawyers. Rabid, viscous, mean buggers who are quite prepared to sue anyone who bad mouths your church. I can taste the name Ron Hubbard on the end of my tounge. ;) Cleverly written! ____________________ David Wulff I watch how the moon sits in the sky On a dark night shining with the light from the sun The sun doesn't give light to the moon Assuming the moon's going to owe it one It makes me think of how you act to me You do favours and then rapidly You just turn around and start asking me about Things you want back from me - Linkin Park

                  M 1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • PJ ArendsP PJ Arends

                    But what about the sex? ... Oh yeah, cyber-sex. never mind ;P --- CPUA 0x5041 Sonork 100.11743 Chicken Little It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

                    C Offline
                    C Offline
                    ColinDavies
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    PJ Arends wrote: But what about the sex? ... Oh yeah, cyber-sex. never mind True, but apart from that, if Michael gets enough donations he can just pay for sex like he normally does. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies

                    Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

                    R L 2 Replies Last reply
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                    • L Lost User

                      No I haven't found one but thought I should start one. Approaching 5 months without a job is not only bad on the financial front but also the social. So I began thinking what better than to fix both problems at once by starting a new religion or cult. The only requirements I have come up with so far is -

                      • Upon joining all worldly possesions should be signed over to me.
                      • Young good looking females (my target audience) should want to have sex with me.

                      Now as you can see I haven't really built a Business Plan, gathered User Requirements or written any Specifications. ;P This is where I thought CodeProject could come to the rescue. Some of you must have been approach by or become part of a cult. Possibly even started your own. Any help greatly appreciated, I am willing to hand over 10% of all takings to CodeProject if any of you help me get it off the ground. Also I need a catchy name to lure the suckers believers in. I was thinking Church of Mickeyology as this refers to my name and also is a euphemism for parts of congregation that are useful for the second item on the list above. :-D I was also thinking that I would like to be the God figure myself. I know that most religions are started by someone who knew the relevant God and then wrote about him. I don't like being great by association, I want to be the great one instead. Anyone got any pointers on how I go about convincing people I am a God and not just a programmer? :confused: Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

                      M Offline
                      M Offline
                      Matt W
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      I think that if I were to come up with a business plan I would also want to become an honourary member of your cult!! Not just some lowly acolyte but some sort of real player, with a catchy title like "Lord High Poombah", or "Demi-God Matt", that sort of thing... Matt ------ Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

                      C 1 Reply Last reply
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                      • D David Wulff

                        John Judd wrote: First, I think you need to write a book. Call it Mikanetics John Judd wrote: Second, you need a brainwashing process. Lets call it Mikiting John Judd wrote: Third, you need to have levels. Like the masons. John Judd wrote: Lastly, you need a team of lawyers. Rabid, viscous, mean buggers who are quite prepared to sue anyone who bad mouths your church. I can taste the name Ron Hubbard on the end of my tounge. ;) Cleverly written! ____________________ David Wulff I watch how the moon sits in the sky On a dark night shining with the light from the sun The sun doesn't give light to the moon Assuming the moon's going to owe it one It makes me think of how you act to me You do favours and then rapidly You just turn around and start asking me about Things you want back from me - Linkin Park

                        M Offline
                        M Offline
                        Mr Morden
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        David Wulff wrote: I can taste the name Ron Hubbard on the end of my tounge. Cleverly written! Who? Legal disclamer because I don't want to get sued by the [censored]. Any resemblance in the previous message to any organisation or individual is coincidentaly intentional... oops... I mean unintentional, and shouldn't be taken as a slur on the [censored] or its founder [censored], or the legal firm [censored] and [censored] who represent the [censored] in their completely relentless persecutions of people who lampoon the [censored] organisation or the [censored] secrets.

                        D 2 Replies Last reply
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                        • D David Wulff

                          John Judd wrote: Who? John Judd wrote: Legal disclamer ... Lol! Okay, I'll play along... He sells ice-create at my local shopping mal, and had an idea similar to yours. Phew! Are we safe yet? ____________________ David Wulff I watch how the moon sits in the sky On a dark night shining with the light from the sun The sun doesn't give light to the moon Assuming the moon's going to owe it one It makes me think of how you act to me You do favours and then rapidly You just turn around and start asking me about Things you want back from me - Linkin Park

                          M Offline
                          M Offline
                          Mr Morden
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          I sure hope so!

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • M Matt W

                            I think that if I were to come up with a business plan I would also want to become an honourary member of your cult!! Not just some lowly acolyte but some sort of real player, with a catchy title like "Lord High Poombah", or "Demi-God Matt", that sort of thing... Matt ------ Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

                            C Offline
                            C Offline
                            ColinDavies
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            Matt.W. wrote: Not just some lowly acolyte but some sort of real player, with a catchy title like "Lord High Poombah", or "Demi-God Matt", that sort of thing... You better hurry up, because all the good names will be taken really fast. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies

                            Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • M Mr Morden

                              David Wulff wrote: I can taste the name Ron Hubbard on the end of my tounge. Cleverly written! Who? Legal disclamer because I don't want to get sued by the [censored]. Any resemblance in the previous message to any organisation or individual is coincidentaly intentional... oops... I mean unintentional, and shouldn't be taken as a slur on the [censored] or its founder [censored], or the legal firm [censored] and [censored] who represent the [censored] in their completely relentless persecutions of people who lampoon the [censored] organisation or the [censored] secrets.

                              D Offline
                              D Offline
                              David Wulff
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #14

                              John Judd wrote: Who? John Judd wrote: Legal disclamer ... Lol! Okay, I'll play along... He sells ice-create at my local shopping mal, and had an idea similar to yours. Phew! Are we safe yet? ____________________ David Wulff I watch how the moon sits in the sky On a dark night shining with the light from the sun The sun doesn't give light to the moon Assuming the moon's going to owe it one It makes me think of how you act to me You do favours and then rapidly You just turn around and start asking me about Things you want back from me - Linkin Park

                              M 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • M Mr Morden

                                David Wulff wrote: I can taste the name Ron Hubbard on the end of my tounge. Cleverly written! Who? Legal disclamer because I don't want to get sued by the [censored]. Any resemblance in the previous message to any organisation or individual is coincidentaly intentional... oops... I mean unintentional, and shouldn't be taken as a slur on the [censored] or its founder [censored], or the legal firm [censored] and [censored] who represent the [censored] in their completely relentless persecutions of people who lampoon the [censored] organisation or the [censored] secrets.

                                D Offline
                                D Offline
                                David Wulff
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #15

                                Oh sh*t - I've just been arrested by the FBI for sending death threats to this "ice cream seller" and for plotting to bomb the attorny general and his local laundrette... :) ____________________ David Wulff I watch how the moon sits in the sky On a dark night shining with the light from the sun The sun doesn't give light to the moon Assuming the moon's going to owe it one It makes me think of how you act to me You do favours and then rapidly You just turn around and start asking me about Things you want back from me - Linkin Park

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • C ColinDavies

                                  PJ Arends wrote: But what about the sex? ... Oh yeah, cyber-sex. never mind True, but apart from that, if Michael gets enough donations he can just pay for sex like he normally does. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies

                                  Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

                                  R Offline
                                  R Offline
                                  Roger Wright
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #16

                                  My last date was bitching about that. I taught her how to use Quicken to create Invoices. He should have gotten it by now! She gave him great terms - 10% NET 10 Days. She makes me pay cash on the barrelhead.:-O

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                                  • C ColinDavies

                                    PJ Arends wrote: But what about the sex? ... Oh yeah, cyber-sex. never mind True, but apart from that, if Michael gets enough donations he can just pay for sex like he normally does. :-) Regardz Colin J Davies

                                    Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin Testing Current Sig <:jig:>

                                    L Offline
                                    L Offline
                                    Lost User
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #17

                                    ****Colin Davies wrote: True, but apart from that, if Michael gets enough donations he can just pay for sex like he normally does. :) But at least I buy humans, not like the sheep you get Colin. Not even man enough to get the goats. ;P Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

                                    C 1 Reply Last reply
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                                    • L Lost User

                                      ****Colin Davies wrote: True, but apart from that, if Michael gets enough donations he can just pay for sex like he normally does. :) But at least I buy humans, not like the sheep you get Colin. Not even man enough to get the goats. ;P Michael Martin Australia mjm68@tpg.com.au "He orginally got the Tweezers of Destruction through the scanners but then popped back outside for a smoke." - Chris Maunder 26/03/2002

                                      C Offline
                                      C Offline
                                      ColinDavies
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #18

                                      Michael Martin wrote: But at least I buy humans, not like the sheep you get Colin. Not even man enough to get the goats. Have, you seen how pointy the feet of goats are, Ouch, they also could be used as weapons, :-) Regardz Colin J Davies

                                      Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin :bob:

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