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Funniest News paper Classifieds

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • M Offline
    M Offline
    Monark
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....) :d 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!) :d 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) :d 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) :d 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) :d 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!) :d 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!) :d

    C realJSOPR H 3 Replies Last reply
    0
    • M Monark

      (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....) :d 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!) :d 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) :d 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) :d 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) :d 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!) :d 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!) :d

      C Offline
      C Offline
      Christian Graus
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      See, when you explain the joke in brackets afterwards, it kind of kills the little humour that's there.

      Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista.

      M 1 Reply Last reply
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      • C Christian Graus

        See, when you explain the joke in brackets afterwards, it kind of kills the little humour that's there.

        Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista.

        M Offline
        M Offline
        Monark
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        I thought it will add more humor element to it

        C realJSOPR P C 4 Replies Last reply
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        • M Monark

          I thought it will add more humor element to it

          C Offline
          C Offline
          Christian Graus
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, I see from your 1 vote that you took it that way. But, no, it detracts from the humour to have a joke explained to you.

          Christian Graus Driven to the arms of OSX by Vista.

          1 Reply Last reply
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          • M Monark

            (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....) :d 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!) :d 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) :d 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) :d 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) :d 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!) :d 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!) :d

            realJSOPR Offline
            realJSOPR Offline
            realJSOP
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            Monark wrote:

            8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

            If it weren't for the non-drinking non-smoker part, that ad could have been submitted by my ex-wife...

            "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
            -----
            "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • M Monark

              I thought it will add more humor element to it

              realJSOPR Offline
              realJSOPR Offline
              realJSOP
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              Monark wrote:

              I thought it will add more humor element to it

              That's what you get for thinking...

              "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
              -----
              "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • M Monark

                (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....) :d 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!) :d 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) :d 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) :d 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) :d 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!) :d 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!) :d

                H Offline
                H Offline
                Henry Minute
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                I once did some work for a Local Government Department here in the UK. In the foyer of the Town Hall there was a huge rack of pamphlets advertising services offered by various parts of the organisation. One of these pamphlets began 'ARE YOU DYSLEXIC?' Always made me smile.

                Honi soit qui mal y pongs - Evil to he who thinks it stinks

                B L 2 Replies Last reply
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                • M Monark

                  I thought it will add more humor element to it

                  P Online
                  P Online
                  PIEBALDconsult
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  It doesn't.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • M Monark

                    I thought it will add more humor element to it

                    C Offline
                    C Offline
                    Colin Angus Mackay
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    It's the same reason I can't watch Jon Stewart. He tells a humorous story or shows a humorous clip, which is funny in itself, then backs it up by explaining the joke. And just in case the audience didn't laugh hard enough the first time he'll repeat the punchline again. I just feel completely patronised by that. I got the frickin' joke the first time, Jon - Move on!

                    Developer Day Scotland 2 - Free community conference Recent blog posts: *Throwing Exceptions *Training Developers * Method hiding or overriding - or the difference between new and virtual

                    realJSOPR 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • C Colin Angus Mackay

                      It's the same reason I can't watch Jon Stewart. He tells a humorous story or shows a humorous clip, which is funny in itself, then backs it up by explaining the joke. And just in case the audience didn't laugh hard enough the first time he'll repeat the punchline again. I just feel completely patronised by that. I got the frickin' joke the first time, Jon - Move on!

                      Developer Day Scotland 2 - Free community conference Recent blog posts: *Throwing Exceptions *Training Developers * Method hiding or overriding - or the difference between new and virtual

                      realJSOPR Offline
                      realJSOPR Offline
                      realJSOP
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      He's doing that for the liberals. They have no sense of humor at all.

                      "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
                      -----
                      "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

                      P 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • H Henry Minute

                        I once did some work for a Local Government Department here in the UK. In the foyer of the Town Hall there was a huge rack of pamphlets advertising services offered by various parts of the organisation. One of these pamphlets began 'ARE YOU DYSLEXIC?' Always made me smile.

                        Honi soit qui mal y pongs - Evil to he who thinks it stinks

                        B Offline
                        B Offline
                        Brady Kelly
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        Why? Many dyslexic people would be able to read that.

                        All Sorted

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • realJSOPR realJSOP

                          He's doing that for the liberals. They have no sense of humor at all.

                          "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
                          -----
                          "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

                          P Online
                          P Online
                          PIEBALDconsult
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          I have known a few who laugh liberally, and that's just a conservative estimate.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • H Henry Minute

                            I once did some work for a Local Government Department here in the UK. In the foyer of the Town Hall there was a huge rack of pamphlets advertising services offered by various parts of the organisation. One of these pamphlets began 'ARE YOU DYSLEXIC?' Always made me smile.

                            Honi soit qui mal y pongs - Evil to he who thinks it stinks

                            L Offline
                            L Offline
                            Lost User
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            llo

                            If I knew then what I know today, then I'd know the same now as I did then - then what would be the point? .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                            1 Reply Last reply
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