Microsoft Shuts Down the Internet (satire)
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As the world descended into chaos, Bill Gates (chairman for Microsoft's board of directors), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft's CEO) and Stephen Elop (president of Microsoft's business division) huddled together at Microsoft headquarters. "Did we really do this?" asked Steve Ballmer. "They're all saying it was our fault." "It wasn't intentional, I never saw it coming," said Stephen Elop, with a hangdog expression on his face. "OK, great, that makes me feel much better!" remarked Steve Ballmer. "But what the heck happened?" What followed was a long and fairly technical briefing, which Steve Ballmer occasionally found difficult to follow. The gist of the story was this: - To increase user productivity, the Microsoft Office 2010 team of developers had added an artificial intelligence filter to Outlook, so incoming e-mails were analyzed, and those exhibiting zero or low useful content were not delivered to the in-box. - Preliminary versions of this filter had sent a "bounce message" back to the sender informing him/her that their e-mail had failed an intelligence test and would therefore not be delivered to the recipient. - Limited beta testing had shown that this bounce message had a tendency to insult and infuriate the sender of the e-mail in question. Several of the beta test group members found themselves faced with a spouse demanding divorce or death threats from former friends. - To reduce the psychological repercussions of filtering out the dumb e-mails, another artificial intelligence program had been added to Outlook that automatically composed and sent an innocuous reply, purportedly from the recipient. (See ELIZA[^] for an example of a program of this kind.) In 99% of the cases this was sufficient to satisfy the sender of the original e-mail, and the situation seemed to be under control again. - Microsoft Office 2010 was released to wide beta test. - A few beta test customers reported that their e-mail servers were exhibiting signs of heavy loading. However, this did not seem to be a very serious problem, and it only affected a fairly small number of the beta test customers. Bill Gates had personally made the decision that these reports were given low priority, with the expectation that they would be looked into later if the problem persisted. - Microsoft Office 2010 was launched worldwide with much fanfare. The innovative marketing efforts ([](</x-turndown)
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As the world descended into chaos, Bill Gates (chairman for Microsoft's board of directors), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft's CEO) and Stephen Elop (president of Microsoft's business division) huddled together at Microsoft headquarters. "Did we really do this?" asked Steve Ballmer. "They're all saying it was our fault." "It wasn't intentional, I never saw it coming," said Stephen Elop, with a hangdog expression on his face. "OK, great, that makes me feel much better!" remarked Steve Ballmer. "But what the heck happened?" What followed was a long and fairly technical briefing, which Steve Ballmer occasionally found difficult to follow. The gist of the story was this: - To increase user productivity, the Microsoft Office 2010 team of developers had added an artificial intelligence filter to Outlook, so incoming e-mails were analyzed, and those exhibiting zero or low useful content were not delivered to the in-box. - Preliminary versions of this filter had sent a "bounce message" back to the sender informing him/her that their e-mail had failed an intelligence test and would therefore not be delivered to the recipient. - Limited beta testing had shown that this bounce message had a tendency to insult and infuriate the sender of the e-mail in question. Several of the beta test group members found themselves faced with a spouse demanding divorce or death threats from former friends. - To reduce the psychological repercussions of filtering out the dumb e-mails, another artificial intelligence program had been added to Outlook that automatically composed and sent an innocuous reply, purportedly from the recipient. (See ELIZA[^] for an example of a program of this kind.) In 99% of the cases this was sufficient to satisfy the sender of the original e-mail, and the situation seemed to be under control again. - Microsoft Office 2010 was released to wide beta test. - A few beta test customers reported that their e-mail servers were exhibiting signs of heavy loading. However, this did not seem to be a very serious problem, and it only affected a fairly small number of the beta test customers. Bill Gates had personally made the decision that these reports were given low priority, with the expectation that they would be looked into later if the problem persisted. - Microsoft Office 2010 was launched worldwide with much fanfare. The innovative marketing efforts ([](</x-turndown)
That's good. :laugh: I'm sending a copy of this to my sister whose on the Office 2010 team. Hopefully her Outlook AI program is not in effect quite yet...
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As the world descended into chaos, Bill Gates (chairman for Microsoft's board of directors), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft's CEO) and Stephen Elop (president of Microsoft's business division) huddled together at Microsoft headquarters. "Did we really do this?" asked Steve Ballmer. "They're all saying it was our fault." "It wasn't intentional, I never saw it coming," said Stephen Elop, with a hangdog expression on his face. "OK, great, that makes me feel much better!" remarked Steve Ballmer. "But what the heck happened?" What followed was a long and fairly technical briefing, which Steve Ballmer occasionally found difficult to follow. The gist of the story was this: - To increase user productivity, the Microsoft Office 2010 team of developers had added an artificial intelligence filter to Outlook, so incoming e-mails were analyzed, and those exhibiting zero or low useful content were not delivered to the in-box. - Preliminary versions of this filter had sent a "bounce message" back to the sender informing him/her that their e-mail had failed an intelligence test and would therefore not be delivered to the recipient. - Limited beta testing had shown that this bounce message had a tendency to insult and infuriate the sender of the e-mail in question. Several of the beta test group members found themselves faced with a spouse demanding divorce or death threats from former friends. - To reduce the psychological repercussions of filtering out the dumb e-mails, another artificial intelligence program had been added to Outlook that automatically composed and sent an innocuous reply, purportedly from the recipient. (See ELIZA[^] for an example of a program of this kind.) In 99% of the cases this was sufficient to satisfy the sender of the original e-mail, and the situation seemed to be under control again. - Microsoft Office 2010 was released to wide beta test. - A few beta test customers reported that their e-mail servers were exhibiting signs of heavy loading. However, this did not seem to be a very serious problem, and it only affected a fairly small number of the beta test customers. Bill Gates had personally made the decision that these reports were given low priority, with the expectation that they would be looked into later if the problem persisted. - Microsoft Office 2010 was launched worldwide with much fanfare. The innovative marketing efforts ([](</x-turndown)
You can do the same with Out of office replies. Outlook is clever enough to send only one OOO Reply reply to each sender until you set your status back to "I'm chained to my desk, can you hear the drums?" (sorry)
Personally, I love the idea that Raymond spends his nights posting bad regexs to mailing lists under the pseudonym of Jane Smith. He'd be like a super hero, only more nerdy and less useful. [Trevel]
| FoldWithUs! | sighist | µLaunch - program launcher for server core and hyper-v server -
As the world descended into chaos, Bill Gates (chairman for Microsoft's board of directors), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft's CEO) and Stephen Elop (president of Microsoft's business division) huddled together at Microsoft headquarters. "Did we really do this?" asked Steve Ballmer. "They're all saying it was our fault." "It wasn't intentional, I never saw it coming," said Stephen Elop, with a hangdog expression on his face. "OK, great, that makes me feel much better!" remarked Steve Ballmer. "But what the heck happened?" What followed was a long and fairly technical briefing, which Steve Ballmer occasionally found difficult to follow. The gist of the story was this: - To increase user productivity, the Microsoft Office 2010 team of developers had added an artificial intelligence filter to Outlook, so incoming e-mails were analyzed, and those exhibiting zero or low useful content were not delivered to the in-box. - Preliminary versions of this filter had sent a "bounce message" back to the sender informing him/her that their e-mail had failed an intelligence test and would therefore not be delivered to the recipient. - Limited beta testing had shown that this bounce message had a tendency to insult and infuriate the sender of the e-mail in question. Several of the beta test group members found themselves faced with a spouse demanding divorce or death threats from former friends. - To reduce the psychological repercussions of filtering out the dumb e-mails, another artificial intelligence program had been added to Outlook that automatically composed and sent an innocuous reply, purportedly from the recipient. (See ELIZA[^] for an example of a program of this kind.) In 99% of the cases this was sufficient to satisfy the sender of the original e-mail, and the situation seemed to be under control again. - Microsoft Office 2010 was released to wide beta test. - A few beta test customers reported that their e-mail servers were exhibiting signs of heavy loading. However, this did not seem to be a very serious problem, and it only affected a fairly small number of the beta test customers. Bill Gates had personally made the decision that these reports were given low priority, with the expectation that they would be looked into later if the problem persisted. - Microsoft Office 2010 was launched worldwide with much fanfare. The innovative marketing efforts ([](</x-turndown)
Good Very Good.
Software Kinetics (requires SL3 beta) - Moving software
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As the world descended into chaos, Bill Gates (chairman for Microsoft's board of directors), Steve Ballmer (Microsoft's CEO) and Stephen Elop (president of Microsoft's business division) huddled together at Microsoft headquarters. "Did we really do this?" asked Steve Ballmer. "They're all saying it was our fault." "It wasn't intentional, I never saw it coming," said Stephen Elop, with a hangdog expression on his face. "OK, great, that makes me feel much better!" remarked Steve Ballmer. "But what the heck happened?" What followed was a long and fairly technical briefing, which Steve Ballmer occasionally found difficult to follow. The gist of the story was this: - To increase user productivity, the Microsoft Office 2010 team of developers had added an artificial intelligence filter to Outlook, so incoming e-mails were analyzed, and those exhibiting zero or low useful content were not delivered to the in-box. - Preliminary versions of this filter had sent a "bounce message" back to the sender informing him/her that their e-mail had failed an intelligence test and would therefore not be delivered to the recipient. - Limited beta testing had shown that this bounce message had a tendency to insult and infuriate the sender of the e-mail in question. Several of the beta test group members found themselves faced with a spouse demanding divorce or death threats from former friends. - To reduce the psychological repercussions of filtering out the dumb e-mails, another artificial intelligence program had been added to Outlook that automatically composed and sent an innocuous reply, purportedly from the recipient. (See ELIZA[^] for an example of a program of this kind.) In 99% of the cases this was sufficient to satisfy the sender of the original e-mail, and the situation seemed to be under control again. - Microsoft Office 2010 was released to wide beta test. - A few beta test customers reported that their e-mail servers were exhibiting signs of heavy loading. However, this did not seem to be a very serious problem, and it only affected a fairly small number of the beta test customers. Bill Gates had personally made the decision that these reports were given low priority, with the expectation that they would be looked into later if the problem persisted. - Microsoft Office 2010 was launched worldwide with much fanfare. The innovative marketing efforts ([](</x-turndown)
:laugh: :laugh: Nice joke, but reality can be even worst. Let me tell you about a story happened last August. A user, mistakenly writing the name of a group, sent a e-mail to around 500 users about a topic not related to them. By the content of the e-mail, it was clearly evident it was not intended for the receivers, but many of them found "correct" to reply to inform him of the error. But ... the most of them did it by replying to all. And this turned into a sort of never-ending human bouncing since all of them once again start respondign each other to all the others, someone asking a not well defined sort "Big God of The Mail Server" to remove them from the e-mail list (there was not such a list ... it was just the group of the user having their telephones on a given zone !) and that goes over and over. Until we configured the servers to automatically filter out any e-mail with those subject. Moral: may be the O2K10 A.I. system not the best, but are we sure human intelligence really helps that way?
2 bugs found. > recompile ... 65534 bugs found. :doh:
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That's good. :laugh: I'm sending a copy of this to my sister whose on the Office 2010 team. Hopefully her Outlook AI program is not in effect quite yet...
Was that your sister in the movie...? ;)
V.
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