An Atheist in the Woods
-
Why would a god make him a christian? Any god that existed was around a long time before christianity. Surely a pagan would be more apposite, and therefore the bear would dance naked around a fire before having intercourse, the only way a human can get to paradise. (Ask my wife!)
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
Sense of humour bypass on a Monday morning Dave?
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
Very good.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
-
Why would a god make him a christian? Any god that existed was around a long time before christianity. Surely a pagan would be more apposite, and therefore the bear would dance naked around a fire before having intercourse, the only way a human can get to paradise. (Ask my wife!)
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
I suspect when most people think of paradise, it does not involve you dancing naked around a fire!
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
This was obviously written by a Christian, an atheist would have asked the bear be converted to a religion that encourages vegetarianism!
-
Sense of humour bypass on a Monday morning Dave?
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility
-
This was obviously written by a Christian, an atheist would have asked the bear be converted to a religion that encourages vegetarianism!
A Hindu bear? or Jainism? Better Still, a Spectacled Bear from darkest Peru, known to only eat marmalade sandwiches.
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
-
A Hindu bear? or Jainism? Better Still, a Spectacled Bear from darkest Peru, known to only eat marmalade sandwiches.
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
Haribo bear, maybe.
-
Haribo bear, maybe.
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
Ger Hayden wrote:
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Stupid Atheist. Instead he should just have rolled over and played dead!
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's too late to stop reading it.
-
-
Ger Hayden wrote:
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Stupid Atheist. Instead he should just have rolled over and played dead!
The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's too late to stop reading it.
-
Fair enough. Whatever floats Michelle's boat.
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility
-
A Hindu bear? or Jainism? Better Still, a Spectacled Bear from darkest Peru, known to only eat marmalade sandwiches.
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
Dalek Dave wrote:
A Hindu bear?
You called me?
"Real men drive manual transmission" - Rajesh.
-
Fair enough. Whatever floats Michelle's boat.
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
This is old as dirt, but I'm surprised to see it being received well. Good for you. :)
"Real men drive manual transmission" - Rajesh.
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
.... with being disturbed by tree hugging hippie types every time we go into the woods for a crap!:mad: And you wonder why people get eaten! What's worse is that due to your limited comprehension of the situation, you attribute our behaviour to some mythical sky fairy. Sheeesh! Humans!
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
-
.... with being disturbed by tree hugging hippie types every time we go into the woods for a crap!:mad: And you wonder why people get eaten! What's worse is that due to your limited comprehension of the situation, you attribute our behaviour to some mythical sky fairy. Sheeesh! Humans!
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
-
Dalek Dave wrote:
A Hindu bear?
You called me?
"Real men drive manual transmission" - Rajesh.
:doh: You're shameless ;P :laugh:
Cheers, विक्रम (CCC count - 5.) "We have already been through this, I am not going to repeat myself." - fat_boy, in a global warming thread :doh:
-
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament ? Am I to count you as a believer ?' The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian ?' 'Very well,' said the voice... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful, Amen.'
Ger
Hi Ger, Divine intercession is no longer necessary: the person on the run from the bear would have whipped-out an iPad, or an Android tablet, and clicked on a short-cut they'd saved to this video[^Elvis 'Teddy Bear']. Yes, the whole forest has got wi-fi, now. best, Bill
"Many : not conversant with mathematical studies, imagine that because it [the Analytical Engine] is to give results in numerical notation, its processes must consequently be arithmetical, numerical, rather than algebraical and analytical. This is an error. The engine can arrange and combine numerical quantities as if they were letters or any other general symbols; and it fact it might bring out its results in algebraical notation, were provisions made accordingly." Ada, Countess Lovelace, 1844
-
You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER! You are Al Gore and I claim my £5.
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
