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Less than 4 hours to judgement day

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  • N Nagy Vilmos

    No, the rapture will flow around the world so that it hits everywhere at the same local time. God's [note the use of an apostrophe] like that, being omnipotent he knows that the numpties can't handle the concept of different time zones so to make it easier for them He'll destroy the world in 24 separate events. Luckily as an omnipresent entity, He can prevent anyone from outside the current target zone from knowing what's happening so that everyone will be hit at 6pm tomorrow irrespective of where they live. [As a Christian, does the above mean I'm going to hell?]


    Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. or "Drink. Get drunk. Fall over." - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often *students*, for heaven's sake. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriff
    wrote on last edited by
    #11

    That presents me with a small problem: my webserver is in a different timezone. Does that mean it will stop working, thus giving me advance notice of the approaching war between heaven and hell and a chance to pick sides? I wouldn't want to be on the loosing side, after all.

    Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

    "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
    "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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    • D Dalek Dave

      Cat's are not welcome, they are 'Familiars' and will be sent straight to hell. (Only domesticated animal not mentioned in the Bible). As for iPads, they are the work of Beelzebub and should be vanquished to the void between this world and the next, a technopurgatory when they await silicon judgement day, next to the TI99-4a's and the Sinclair QL's.

      ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

      S Offline
      S Offline
      scottgp
      wrote on last edited by
      #12

      But all dogs go to heaven, right? Scott

      H 1 Reply Last reply
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      • G Gizz

        Wouldn't it be GMT then? Not BST? I dunno. Do heathens get to join in?

        D Offline
        D Offline
        Dalek Dave
        wrote on last edited by
        #13

        No, Heaven runs on London time.

        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

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        • S Stephen Wiria

          And i haven't pack up things yet! Should I bring my cat and my iPad[^]?

          C Offline
          C Offline
          CalvinHobbies
          wrote on last edited by
          #14

          Rapture is on May long weekend :) party hardy... I for one welcome our new Zombie Overlords. May the feasting begin!

          ///////////////// Groucho Marx Those are my principles, if you don't like them… I have others.

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          • G Gregory Gadow

            Nope. It starts at 6pm local time. Yup, the "prophet" has said it will start at 6pm at the International Date Line and proceed west, with one whole time zone being raptured every hour. Apparently it is a lot of work to lift the faithful bodily into Heaven and God needs to work on a schedule.

            C Offline
            C Offline
            Chris Meech
            wrote on last edited by
            #15

            You are quite correct. These are known as "rapture zones". Due to a resource constraint, The All Knowing is only capable of working at at a pace of 1 RZ per hour and thus it is going to take all day to get the job done. The resource constraint has unfortunately occurred because millions of Angels have had to be let go recently. You know, the financial crisis and all. :)

            Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]

            OriginalGriffO 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

              That presents me with a small problem: my webserver is in a different timezone. Does that mean it will stop working, thus giving me advance notice of the approaching war between heaven and hell and a chance to pick sides? I wouldn't want to be on the loosing side, after all.

              Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

              N Offline
              N Offline
              Nagy Vilmos
              wrote on last edited by
              #16

              Jeese man, which part of omnipresent don't you understand? Just as the multiple disasters strike your server a rather attractive ewe will walk into you kitchen and you'll be too busy to notice what's going on. As a welshman, you're going to hell for Max Bloody Boyce anyway :-D .


              Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. or "Drink. Get drunk. Fall over." - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often *students*, for heaven's sake. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

              OriginalGriffO 1 Reply Last reply
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              • S Stephen Wiria

                And i haven't pack up things yet! Should I bring my cat and my iPad[^]?

                Mike HankeyM Online
                Mike HankeyM Online
                Mike Hankey
                wrote on last edited by
                #17

                BAD: Oh no I'm going to die and go to hell. GOOD: I'll know everyone

                Semper Fi http://www.hq4thmarinescomm.com[^]
                www.jaxcoder.com[^] WinHeist

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                • G Gregory Gadow

                  Nope. It starts at 6pm local time. Yup, the "prophet" has said it will start at 6pm at the International Date Line and proceed west, with one whole time zone being raptured every hour. Apparently it is a lot of work to lift the faithful bodily into Heaven and God needs to work on a schedule.

                  P Offline
                  P Offline
                  peterchen
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #18

                  Will that be geographical or geopolitical time zones? Is there still time to create a "permanently friday afternoon" time zone?

                  FILETIME to time_t
                  | FoldWithUs! | sighist | WhoIncludes - Analyzing C++ include file hierarchy

                  C 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • N Nagy Vilmos

                    Jeese man, which part of omnipresent don't you understand? Just as the multiple disasters strike your server a rather attractive ewe will walk into you kitchen and you'll be too busy to notice what's going on. As a welshman, you're going to hell for Max Bloody Boyce anyway :-D .


                    Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. or "Drink. Get drunk. Fall over." - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often *students*, for heaven's sake. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

                    OriginalGriffO Offline
                    OriginalGriffO Offline
                    OriginalGriff
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #19

                    You're just jealous because no-body outside Hungary has heard of anyone inside Hungary! :laugh:

                    Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                    "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                    "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                    N 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • C Chris Meech

                      You are quite correct. These are known as "rapture zones". Due to a resource constraint, The All Knowing is only capable of working at at a pace of 1 RZ per hour and thus it is going to take all day to get the job done. The resource constraint has unfortunately occurred because millions of Angels have had to be let go recently. You know, the financial crisis and all. :)

                      Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]

                      OriginalGriffO Offline
                      OriginalGriffO Offline
                      OriginalGriff
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #20

                      Grief! I didn't know heaven invested in Icelandic banks...

                      Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                      "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                      "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • D Dalek Dave

                        Obviously it happens at Midnight tonight British Summer Time. The Greenwich Meridian was chosen, because as we all know, Jesus was an Englishman.

                        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                        H Offline
                        H Offline
                        hairy_hats
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #21

                        Dalek Dave wrote:

                        The Greenwich Meridian was chosen, because as we all know, Jesus was an Englishman.

                        Wouldn't that make it JMT?

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • G gavindon

                          now wait a minute, which time zone is set for judgment day? Where I'm at its 15 hours to go,assuming it happens at midnight. It would have to happen all at once wouldn't it? Just wanna know how long I have left here you know, a difference of 11 hours is major. Even though come to think of it, its not at all fair. If judgment day happens by your time zone, I'm getting ripped off almost a whole day. If it happens by my time zone, you got an extra, no fair..

                          Programming is a race between programmers trying to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots, so far... the universe is winning.

                          K Offline
                          K Offline
                          Keith Barrow
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #22

                          Given that the thing is due to sweep the Earth according to time zone, what happens at the poles?

                          Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
                          -Or-
                          A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

                          L G 2 Replies Last reply
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                          • K Keith Barrow

                            Given that the thing is due to sweep the Earth according to time zone, what happens at the poles?

                            Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
                            -Or-
                            A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

                            L Offline
                            L Offline
                            Lost User
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #23

                            Keith Barrow wrote:

                            what happens at the poles?

                            They live in most countries now so it will just deal with them on an individual basis.

                            Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                            1 Reply Last reply
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                            • P peterchen

                              Will that be geographical or geopolitical time zones? Is there still time to create a "permanently friday afternoon" time zone?

                              FILETIME to time_t
                              | FoldWithUs! | sighist | WhoIncludes - Analyzing C++ include file hierarchy

                              C Offline
                              C Offline
                              Chris Meech
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #24

                              peterchen wrote:

                              create a "permanently friday afternoon" time zone

                              DD and Nagy have that one staked out already. :)

                              Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]

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                              • C Chris Meech

                                peterchen wrote:

                                create a "permanently friday afternoon" time zone

                                DD and Nagy have that one staked out already. :)

                                Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]

                                D Offline
                                D Offline
                                Dalek Dave
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #25

                                Hic, you're my best mate you are, hic. I wanna kebab.

                                ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                C N 2 Replies Last reply
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                                • D Dalek Dave

                                  Hic, you're my best mate you are, hic. I wanna kebab.

                                  ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                  C Offline
                                  C Offline
                                  Chris Meech
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #26

                                  Dalek Dave wrote:

                                  I wanna kebab.

                                  Sorry, I've got two left feet when it comes to dancing. :)

                                  Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                                    BAD: Oh no I'm going to die and go to hell. GOOD: I'll know everyone

                                    Semper Fi http://www.hq4thmarinescomm.com[^]
                                    www.jaxcoder.com[^] WinHeist

                                    G Offline
                                    G Offline
                                    gavindon
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #27

                                    Mike Hankey wrote:

                                    Oh no I'm going to die and go to hell.

                                    its over rated, I've already been there and got kicked out for peddling ice water.

                                    Programming is a race between programmers trying to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots, so far... the universe is winning.

                                    S 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • N Nagy Vilmos

                                      No, the rapture will flow around the world so that it hits everywhere at the same local time. God's [note the use of an apostrophe] like that, being omnipotent he knows that the numpties can't handle the concept of different time zones so to make it easier for them He'll destroy the world in 24 separate events. Luckily as an omnipresent entity, He can prevent anyone from outside the current target zone from knowing what's happening so that everyone will be hit at 6pm tomorrow irrespective of where they live. [As a Christian, does the above mean I'm going to hell?]


                                      Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. or "Drink. Get drunk. Fall over." - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often *students*, for heaven's sake. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

                                      S Offline
                                      S Offline
                                      Soulus83
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #28

                                      Nagy Vilmos wrote:

                                      [As a Christian, does the above mean I'm going to hell?]

                                      Ask CG and CM :-D

                                      "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--either way, you are right." — Henry Ford

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                                      • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                                        You're just jealous because no-body outside Hungary has heard of anyone inside Hungary! :laugh:

                                        Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                                        N Offline
                                        N Offline
                                        Nagy Vilmos
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #29

                                        OriginalGriff wrote:

                                        You're just jealous because no-body outside Hungary has heard of anyone inside Hungary

                                        Biro? Rubik? Liszt? Nagy Vilmos? World famous!


                                        Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. or "Drink. Get drunk. Fall over." - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often *students*, for heaven's sake. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • G Gregory Gadow

                                          Nope. It starts at 6pm local time. Yup, the "prophet" has said it will start at 6pm at the International Date Line and proceed west, with one whole time zone being raptured every hour. Apparently it is a lot of work to lift the faithful bodily into Heaven and God needs to work on a schedule.

                                          S Offline
                                          S Offline
                                          Soulus83
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #30

                                          If God himself was performing the job, it will happen at the same time...fortunately he has employees that can do it :-D God...are you a PM? :confused:

                                          "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--either way, you are right." — Henry Ford

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