Giving a youngster encouragement. How?
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Time and practice. Also, keep in mind, that for a teenager, learning to drive is serious and important. You need to make a ritual out of it with milestones to show success instead of merely being the right seat driver. (or left seat depending on your country)
Need custom software developed? I do custom programming based primarily on MS tools with an emphasis on C# development and consulting. I also do Android Programming as I find it a refreshing break from the MS. "And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs" -- Robert Frost
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I completely agree with what you are saying. In one of my other posts I explained that the driving standards agency in the UK advocates at least 60 hours driving before taking the test. However, 60 hours with an instructor is more arms and legs than I can spare. It's upwards of a 1000 quid. So, to supplement her actual lessons with the instructor, I thought it would be a good idea for her to practise between lessons and so move on to that 60 hours behind the wheel.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Very true and starting those hours between lessons somewhere she feels safe is something that helped me. I found getting used to the marked out bays in car parks was good as I could see when I improved.
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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Sometimes you need to back out gracefully and be quiet; a trick you singularly fail to learn! :-)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Let her practice more and don't over encourage her - too much of encouragement sometimes raise a doubt in ones ability - just say it is normal and that's why she is learning. My Startup!!!!
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
Suggestions?
I imagine you have a variety of anecdotes of stupid things you've done. Tell them to her. Laugh about it. Also realize the intense pressure she probably feels in a) driving perfectly and b) impressing you. And the earth shattering feeling that, OMG, I made a mistake that could have been really serious. It's actually GOOD that she takes driving so seriously. It's also probably a good idea to point out that she will continue to make mistakes, and that OTHER DRIVERS will also make mistakes. Ask her, if she was the "other" driver and saw someone doing what she did by mistake, what would she do to avoid an accident? What options / alternatives were present? Even if an accident was inevitable, what could she have done as the "other" person to minimize property and personal injury? Often looking at the situation from the other perspective is really helpful. And yes, as you said, more practice! Hope that helps. Marc
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Jeez I should of used the joke icon.
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
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I bet they did :)
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
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Sometimes you need to back out gracefully and be quiet; a trick you singularly fail to learn! :-)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
OK, No sense of humour I see..
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Make her do all the scary stuff right off the bat. My wife got her license after a few trips around the block and some parallel parking practice in front of the house. 5 days later, I hooked up the trailer and made her drive cross country (about 1800 miles). During the day, anyway. She only did a little of the night-time driving. Anyway, all the piddly around the town driving now doesn't worry her a bit now. :laugh:
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. My Mu[sic] My Films My Windows Programs, etc.
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Driving instructors cannot teach "awareness", or "common sense". They can simply teach rules of the road and minimal vehicle handling. It's up to your daughter to "pay attention". The fewer in-car distractions there are, the more attention she can give to the task at hand. When you make mistakes, it's from a lack of experience. You gain experience from making mistakes. That's called "life". Believe me - she WILL NOT give up driving, but mistakes that she manages to survive will hopefully make her a better driver.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997 -
She's not *on* the bike - she *HIT* the bike. She'd have to back up to get back on it.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997Yep and reverse is such a bitch when you are learning.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
As an ex driving instructor let me tell you they ALL make serious errors when learning, thats why it is called learning. The industrial area is an excellent idea, I used a shopping centre carpark on Sunday morning (this was before Sunday trading). I also found a drive in the country gave an excellent chance to just cruise without all these intersections and traffic and stuff. The picnic lunch with the kids was just a bonus.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH
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Jeez I should of used the joke icon.
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
No - other people need to work on getting their humor detectors out of their asses (a humor detector is completely useless there). I 5'd you, but you already had six 1-votes, so not even the voting power I wield could do much for you.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997 -
My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
I used to be a motorcycle instructor in a previous life, and have encountered this a fair few times. The resolution really depends on the personality of the kiddlet involved and the exact situation, but something that may help would be to look at the causes of why she made the mistake...if she didn't check for oncoming properly or changed lanes without checking, then explain how being alert and paying attention isn't optional when driving. Had a guy come through for a training course "who'd been riding for years", albeit illegally...he kept on making the same mistake (not checking mirrors when pulling out), so in the end I had to resort to standing in his blind spot and shouting "STOP!!!!!" at the top of my voice when he did it....took a while, but eventually got it drilled into him. Of course, the other side of the coin MAY be to accept that if she REALLY can't get it and not make the same mistake again, then she really has no place on the roads...driving isn't a right, it's a privilege....there are far too many deaths on the roads already.. Driving - it's not for everybody!
C# has already designed away most of the tedium of C++.
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Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
Just get her back in the car. A little lack of self confidence is a good thing! We all make mistakes -- that's life.
That's what I'm doing tonight. Her problem is she lacks confidence in anything she does. She's very bright and intelligent; she just doesn't believe she is. I think you need a certain amount of self belief otherwise you'll never do anything outside of your comfort zone.
Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
On a side note, the first time my oldest daughter drove with me she did great until she pulled into the driveway and hit my other car.
I'm curious to know how you handled this situation. I would imagine that your daughter was beside herself with worry initially.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
I think you need a certain amount of self belief otherwise you'll never do anything outside of your comfort zone.
Yes, to some extent. That combined with the knowledge that screwing up once is awhile is OK and not the end of the world. In my opinion, that's where some parents fail - they want their kids to be perfect.
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
I'm curious to know how you handled this situation. I would imagine that your daughter was beside herself with worry initially.
I stayed calm, surveyed the damage, calmed her down and convinced her it wasn't the end of the world. Then I had her drive (with me) to a mechanic friend's shop and get an estimate for the damage on the car she was driving and introduced her to insurance claims forms. We ended up just paying and not reporting to the insurance, but at least she knew what to do in case of a real accident. She was a much more careful driver after that, so it all worked out.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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As an ex driving instructor let me tell you they ALL make serious errors when learning, thats why it is called learning. The industrial area is an excellent idea, I used a shopping centre carpark on Sunday morning (this was before Sunday trading). I also found a drive in the country gave an excellent chance to just cruise without all these intersections and traffic and stuff. The picnic lunch with the kids was just a bonus.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH
As you're an ex ADI, I'd be interested in your view on this issue: is there a difference between a serious driving error and a dangerous driving error when learning? The reason I ask is I didn't want to scare her by telling her HOW dangerous her manoeuvre was although I think she realised as this was the moment that shattered her confidence and I had to take over the driving. I'm not actually teaching her as such; I'm letting her practise what she's learnt with her proper ADI. I've just this minute spoken to her and said we'll go to a quiet industrial estate and practise a few manoeuvres there. We were out on the open road when she made her bad mistake. I think what really did it for her was the fact that there wasn't a great deal I could have done to avoid a serious collision. It was only by the grace of God that nothing was coming in the opposite direction. Let me tell you, it did nothing to help me stay off the cigarettes which I've recently given up!!
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Benjamin Breeg wrote:
I think you need a certain amount of self belief otherwise you'll never do anything outside of your comfort zone.
Yes, to some extent. That combined with the knowledge that screwing up once is awhile is OK and not the end of the world. In my opinion, that's where some parents fail - they want their kids to be perfect.
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
I'm curious to know how you handled this situation. I would imagine that your daughter was beside herself with worry initially.
I stayed calm, surveyed the damage, calmed her down and convinced her it wasn't the end of the world. Then I had her drive (with me) to a mechanic friend's shop and get an estimate for the damage on the car she was driving and introduced her to insurance claims forms. We ended up just paying and not reporting to the insurance, but at least she knew what to do in case of a real accident. She was a much more careful driver after that, so it all worked out.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
That combined with the knowledge that screwing up once is awhile is OK and not the end of the world. In my opinion, that's where some parents fail - they want their kids to be perfect.
I couldn't agree more. I don't want her to be perfect; just confident in her ability and above all, safe.
Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
I stayed calm, surveyed the damage, calmed her down and convinced her it wasn't the end of the world. Then I had her drive (with me) to a mechanic friend's shop and get an estimate for the damage on the car she was driving and introduced her to insurance claims forms. We ended up just paying and not reporting to the insurance, but at least she knew what to do in case of a real accident. She was a much more careful driver after that, so it all worked out.
Well, I hope we don't get to that stage, but it's not a bad strategy at all, especially having her drive after the collision. I've just explained to my daughter that we shall be going out tonight for some more practise and that getting back behind the wheel will, in the long run, be the best therapy for getting over her mistake and restoring her confidence. Thanks for the input. Much appreciated.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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I used to be a motorcycle instructor in a previous life, and have encountered this a fair few times. The resolution really depends on the personality of the kiddlet involved and the exact situation, but something that may help would be to look at the causes of why she made the mistake...if she didn't check for oncoming properly or changed lanes without checking, then explain how being alert and paying attention isn't optional when driving. Had a guy come through for a training course "who'd been riding for years", albeit illegally...he kept on making the same mistake (not checking mirrors when pulling out), so in the end I had to resort to standing in his blind spot and shouting "STOP!!!!!" at the top of my voice when he did it....took a while, but eventually got it drilled into him. Of course, the other side of the coin MAY be to accept that if she REALLY can't get it and not make the same mistake again, then she really has no place on the roads...driving isn't a right, it's a privilege....there are far too many deaths on the roads already.. Driving - it's not for everybody!
C# has already designed away most of the tedium of C++.
RichardGrimmer wrote:
...driving isn't a right, it's a privilege....
Interesting point of view. My original intention of getting her to learn to drive is that in general she lacks confidence in her abilities at any subject/task (although she can usually do most things when coerced) and that if she could learn to drive this would give her the confidence boost that she needs. As a father, it isn't nice to see a 17 year old young woman lack the confidence in herself that she needs to make it in the big wide world. I know 17 is a young age. But when she doesn't go out and spends most of her time in her room because she hasn't got the confidence to deal with the world it's heart breaking.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Yep and reverse is such a bitch when you are learning.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity RAH
Mycroft Holmes wrote:
Yep and reverse is such a bitch when you are learning.
But seeing a tax inspector on a bike is damned good incentive.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
I think other posters have covered the short term reasonably well. Longer term once she's got more practice and confidence you really should give at least some stress training. While my mom was really laid back, my dad'd take me out for long drives on empty back roads and unleash an unending torrent of criticism over every trivial (or imagined?) fault I made and quickly pushed my stress levels into the red zone at which point I'd occasionally make a real mistake. I absolutely hated driving lessons with him at the time; my epiphany came a half dozenish years later when I was giving my three kindergardenish aged cousins a 2 hourish ride. They behaved more or less how you'd expect bored kids to (if not worse since they were typically anesthetized by a dvd in the back of my aunts van); squabbling and acting out. Didn't affect me in the least since I'd dealt with far worse. (Although I'm still not entirely convinced he wasn't doing it primarily to be a jerk.) My dad started doing long haul driving before my younger sisters or brother started driving and were spared Dad's ministrations; and I can see the difference when they're driving on a family trip and there's an animated conversation going on in the car.
3x12=36 2x12=24 1x12=12 0x12=18
