TOJOTD
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Totally Offensive Joke Of The Day A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they had sex with my wife after only five beers!” I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I had sex with a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
Sects Therapy
Where the hell do you get these jokes? IMHO, they get better every time...that's what she said. +5
Just along for the ride. "the meat from that butcher is just the dogs danglies, absolutely amazing cuts of beef." - DaveAuld (2011)
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Where the hell do you get these jokes? IMHO, they get better every time...that's what she said. +5
Just along for the ride. "the meat from that butcher is just the dogs danglies, absolutely amazing cuts of beef." - DaveAuld (2011)
I've got a bunch of guys I served in VN with that send them to me and they are just as warped as I am.
Sects Therapy
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Where the hell do you get these jokes? IMHO, they get better every time...that's what she said. +5
Just along for the ride. "the meat from that butcher is just the dogs danglies, absolutely amazing cuts of beef." - DaveAuld (2011)
How bad do you want the jokes? I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay there making love, I thought "These Taser guns are well worth the money"
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Where the hell do you get these jokes? IMHO, they get better every time...that's what she said. +5
Just along for the ride. "the meat from that butcher is just the dogs danglies, absolutely amazing cuts of beef." - DaveAuld (2011)
Worse: A Kiwi, an American, and an Aussie were sitting around having a chat. The kiwi turns to the other and says "The Sheep in NZ are so big that they take a whole day to be shorn". The others shake their heads in disbelief until the American turns around and says "That's nothing! Back in Texas the cattle are so big it takes a forklift to turn the steaks over on the barbecue!" The other two laugh until the Aussie says "Well in Australia the women have pussy's this big (making a hand gesture that even a fisherman would be proud of)". Laughing, the other two ask "Well how do you fuck them?" The Aussie replies "They stretch!"
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Worse: A Kiwi, an American, and an Aussie were sitting around having a chat. The kiwi turns to the other and says "The Sheep in NZ are so big that they take a whole day to be shorn". The others shake their heads in disbelief until the American turns around and says "That's nothing! Back in Texas the cattle are so big it takes a forklift to turn the steaks over on the barbecue!" The other two laugh until the Aussie says "Well in Australia the women have pussy's this big (making a hand gesture that even a fisherman would be proud of)". Laughing, the other two ask "Well how do you fuck them?" The Aussie replies "They stretch!"
Even worse: My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” And that's when the fight started.
Sects Therapy
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Totally Offensive Joke Of The Day A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they had sex with my wife after only five beers!” I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I had sex with a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
Sects Therapy
I was leaning on that tree in the park this morning, ditch drunk, peeing in random directions. Then this gorgeous women passed by. She saw my Willy outside my pants and gave out a squeal. I shouted to her: “Run! I’m holding it!! Run now, until I hold the frikin’ beast! ”
There is only one Vera Farmiga and Salma Hayek is her prophet! Advertise here – minimum three posts per day are guaranteed.
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Worse: A Kiwi, an American, and an Aussie were sitting around having a chat. The kiwi turns to the other and says "The Sheep in NZ are so big that they take a whole day to be shorn". The others shake their heads in disbelief until the American turns around and says "That's nothing! Back in Texas the cattle are so big it takes a forklift to turn the steaks over on the barbecue!" The other two laugh until the Aussie says "Well in Australia the women have pussy's this big (making a hand gesture that even a fisherman would be proud of)". Laughing, the other two ask "Well how do you fuck them?" The Aussie replies "They stretch!"
After the wedding the young couple is finally alone in the bedroom, for their first night together. After about an hour the groom is rushing to his father’s room and mumbles - “Father, we have an issue! It won’t fit! We tried hard but the thing is too damn big” “No worries son” - Says the father – “Take this jar with lard and put the thing inside before trying again”. The groom rushes back in the bedroom just to return again after a few minutes. “It don’t fits!” – He cries out to his father. “What again?!” – asks the father. “It don’t fits in the jar, father!!”
There is only one Vera Farmiga and Salma Hayek is her prophet! Advertise here – minimum three posts per day are guaranteed.
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Even worse: My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” And that's when the fight started.
Sects Therapy
:laugh:
Just along for the ride. "the meat from that butcher is just the dogs danglies, absolutely amazing cuts of beef." - DaveAuld (2011)
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Even worse: My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” And that's when the fight started.
Sects Therapy
I tell that joke, but normally as part of a longer routine. Can't remember where I originally got it from, may have been Sickipedia, although I have a feeling it may have been a comedian on TV; I was lying on the couch yesterday when my wife walked in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” I'm joking of course, I have no idea what my wife looks like when she's coming. I'm always somewhere else at the time. Usually the bathroom. Only really works with actual people though, cos you need to deliver each further line after laughter to build on where their mind is each time. Complicated stuff this comedy.
Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.
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Even worse: My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!” And that's when the fight started.
Sects Therapy
[note to self] Swallow coffee BEFORE reading posts.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
