limerick time
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There once was a man from Crass Who had two balls made of Brass In dark stormy weather, He'd rub 'em together and Lightnin' shot out of 'is Ass There once was a man from Kent Who had one so long it was Bent To save 'im some trouble, He'd bend it in double and instead of cumming he Went There once was a lady named Lynn who was so exceedingly Thin When she assayed to drink lemonade she slipped through the straw and fell in
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering” - Wernher von BraunFour and twenty virgins came down from Inverness, And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less, Singing "Balls to you father, backs against the wall, If you don't get shagged on Saturday night you'll never get shagged at all". Little Tommy, he was there, but he was only eight, He could not woo the women so he had to Masturbate, Singing "Balls to your Father, backs against the wall..." Farmer Giles he was there, his scythe was in his hand, And every time he swung around, he circumcised the band, Screaming "Balls to your father...". The Bride was in the parlour explaining to the groom, That the vagina not the rectum is entrance to the womb. Singing "Balls to your father...." There was shagging in the hallways, shagging on the stairs, You could not hear the music for the swish of pubic hair, Singing "Balls to your Father...." The village policeman he was there, a credit to the force They caught him in the stable block tossing off a horse Singing 'Balls to your partner...' The village cripple, he was there, he wasn't up to much, So they laid the bugger on his back and f...ed him with his crutch Singing "Balls to your father...." The village idiot he was there, sitting on a pole, Pulling his foreskin over his head and whistling through the hole Singing "Balls to your father...." And when the ball was over, everyone confessed, They'd all enjoyed the dancing but the shagging was a mess, Singing "Balls to you father, backs against the wall, If you don't get shagged on Saturday night you'll never get shagged at all".
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness, And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less, Singing "Balls to you father, backs against the wall, If you don't get shagged on Saturday night you'll never get shagged at all". Little Tommy, he was there, but he was only eight, He could not woo the women so he had to Masturbate, Singing "Balls to your Father, backs against the wall..." Farmer Giles he was there, his scythe was in his hand, And every time he swung around, he circumcised the band, Screaming "Balls to your father...". The Bride was in the parlour explaining to the groom, That the vagina not the rectum is entrance to the womb. Singing "Balls to your father...." There was shagging in the hallways, shagging on the stairs, You could not hear the music for the swish of pubic hair, Singing "Balls to your Father...." The village policeman he was there, a credit to the force They caught him in the stable block tossing off a horse Singing 'Balls to your partner...' The village cripple, he was there, he wasn't up to much, So they laid the bugger on his back and f...ed him with his crutch Singing "Balls to your father...." The village idiot he was there, sitting on a pole, Pulling his foreskin over his head and whistling through the hole Singing "Balls to your father...." And when the ball was over, everyone confessed, They'd all enjoyed the dancing but the shagging was a mess, Singing "Balls to you father, backs against the wall, If you don't get shagged on Saturday night you'll never get shagged at all".
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
:omg: :wtf: :-O :rolleyes:
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering” - Wernher von Braun -
:omg: :wtf: :-O :rolleyes:
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering” - Wernher von BraunAll good old rugby songs: there's not much out there more offensive and politically incorrect than these. Enjoy. :-)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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All good old rugby songs: there's not much out there more offensive and politically incorrect than these. Enjoy. :-)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
Except possibly "The Ballad of Eskimo Nell"
When a man grows old and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue;
When it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle,
He can tell you a tale or two.When men grow old and their balls grow cold,
And the end of their tool turns blue,
Far from the halls of Yukon Strife
They'll tell a tale that's true.So pull up a chair and stand me a drink,
And a tale to you I will tell
About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
And a harlot named Eskimo Nell.When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Go forth in search of fun,
It's Dead-Eye Dick that swings the prick,
And Mexican Pete the gun.When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Are sore, depressed and sad,
It's always a cunt that bears the brunt,
But the shooting's not so bad.Now Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Lived down by Dead Man's Creek,
And such was their luck that they'd had no fuck
For nigh on half a week.Oh, a moose or two, and a caribou,
And a bison cow or so,
But for Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
This fucking was mighty slow.
Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece of rock,
And he said, "I want to play!,
It's been almost a week at his fucking creek,
With no cunt coming my way!"So, do or dare, this horny pair
Set off for the Rio Grand:
Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
And Pete with his gun in his hand.Hot with lust and a month's trail-dust
They set off for a drinking hole;
Two shady pricks from the fork of the creek
With a three week load in their poles.Then, as they blazed their noisy trail,
No man, their path withstood.
Many a bride, her husband's pride,
A pregnant widow stood.They blazed away on their horny way,
No man their fire withstood,
And many a bride who was hubby's pride
Knew pregnant widowhood.They reached the strand of the Rio Grand
At the height of a blazing noon.
To slake their thirst, and do their worst,
They sought Black Mike's saloon.A bunch of cowhands were whooping it up
In this redneck hole in the wall,
And a comely maid standing at the bar
Was hefting Mike's left ball.The swinging doors they pushed back wide,
Both prick and gun flashed free.
"According to sex, you bleeding wrecks,
You'll drink or you'll fuck with me!"Came crashing in with doors a-swing.
Both prick and gun flashed free:
"According to sex, you poxy wrecks,
You drinks or fucks with me."Down on the floor on top of a whore
Lay the horny Klondike Mick,
Giving her one with the force of a gun,
When in wal -
Except possibly "The Ballad of Eskimo Nell"
When a man grows old and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue;
When it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle,
He can tell you a tale or two.When men grow old and their balls grow cold,
And the end of their tool turns blue,
Far from the halls of Yukon Strife
They'll tell a tale that's true.So pull up a chair and stand me a drink,
And a tale to you I will tell
About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
And a harlot named Eskimo Nell.When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Go forth in search of fun,
It's Dead-Eye Dick that swings the prick,
And Mexican Pete the gun.When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Are sore, depressed and sad,
It's always a cunt that bears the brunt,
But the shooting's not so bad.Now Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Lived down by Dead Man's Creek,
And such was their luck that they'd had no fuck
For nigh on half a week.Oh, a moose or two, and a caribou,
And a bison cow or so,
But for Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
This fucking was mighty slow.
Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece of rock,
And he said, "I want to play!,
It's been almost a week at his fucking creek,
With no cunt coming my way!"So, do or dare, this horny pair
Set off for the Rio Grand:
Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
And Pete with his gun in his hand.Hot with lust and a month's trail-dust
They set off for a drinking hole;
Two shady pricks from the fork of the creek
With a three week load in their poles.Then, as they blazed their noisy trail,
No man, their path withstood.
Many a bride, her husband's pride,
A pregnant widow stood.They blazed away on their horny way,
No man their fire withstood,
And many a bride who was hubby's pride
Knew pregnant widowhood.They reached the strand of the Rio Grand
At the height of a blazing noon.
To slake their thirst, and do their worst,
They sought Black Mike's saloon.A bunch of cowhands were whooping it up
In this redneck hole in the wall,
And a comely maid standing at the bar
Was hefting Mike's left ball.The swinging doors they pushed back wide,
Both prick and gun flashed free.
"According to sex, you bleeding wrecks,
You'll drink or you'll fuck with me!"Came crashing in with doors a-swing.
Both prick and gun flashed free:
"According to sex, you poxy wrecks,
You drinks or fucks with me."Down on the floor on top of a whore
Lay the horny Klondike Mick,
Giving her one with the force of a gun,
When in walEr, I posted this yesterday!!! Post-Thief!!!
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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:omg: :wtf: :-O :rolleyes:
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
You must accept one of two basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not alone in the universe. And either way, the implications are staggering” - Wernher von Braun -
Er, I posted this yesterday!!! Post-Thief!!!
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
Sorry - I didn't see it yesterday. (I did see it back in the 80's on a Prime computer, so I knew it was a repost!)
Ideological Purity is no substitute for being able to stick your thumb down a pipe to stop the water
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I am going UK forces here, Navy or Army. It has the level of simplistic crudity of forces humour.
============================== Nothing to say.
They are both Rugby songs. Though I learned Four-and-twenty virgins in the Scouts, via some helpful Ventures.
Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
-Or-
A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^] -
They are both Rugby songs. Though I learned Four-and-twenty virgins in the Scouts, via some helpful Ventures.
Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
-Or-
A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]Not sure if you will all recognise the washing powder products mentioned, but here goes... Chinese couple going wild, Want to have a pure white child. Seek advice what can be done, But found no way of having one. They watch TV and while the sit, Find a way of having it. On the job without delay, Sideways is the Chinese way. Baby born midst wild delight, Little devil born pure white. Father proud and full of glee, Tells he learned it on TV. Hooley, dooley, me no fooley, Me put Persil on my tooley. Wifey Wifey also very canny, Sprinkle Blue Omo on her fanny. You wonder where the yellow went, He scrubbed his balls with Pepsodent.
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Not sure if you will all recognise the washing powder products mentioned, but here goes... Chinese couple going wild, Want to have a pure white child. Seek advice what can be done, But found no way of having one. They watch TV and while the sit, Find a way of having it. On the job without delay, Sideways is the Chinese way. Baby born midst wild delight, Little devil born pure white. Father proud and full of glee, Tells he learned it on TV. Hooley, dooley, me no fooley, Me put Persil on my tooley. Wifey Wifey also very canny, Sprinkle Blue Omo on her fanny. You wonder where the yellow went, He scrubbed his balls with Pepsodent.
Wonderfully a) childish and, b) non-pc :-D
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
