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Puns

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Back Room
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  • L Offline
    L Offline
    Lost User
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

    M C R R C 6 Replies Last reply
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    • L Lost User

      A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

      M Offline
      M Offline
      Megan Forbes
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      Steven J. Ackerman wrote: Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. :laugh: Almost all of them good 'uns! :)

      Throw in a bit of S&M or eye-ball sucking**-Paul Watson on the merits of swearing, sex and obscenities in CP posts** ...they assumed that reasonably intelligent adults would know enough to leave the building if it was burning. Those who did not were, presumably, expendable, and there was less paperwork involved than trying to fire them**-Roger Wright on fire drills at work**

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • L Lost User

        A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

        C Offline
        C Offline
        Chris Losinger
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        awesome -c

        WWT2D?

        Fractals

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • L Lost User

          A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

          R Offline
          R Offline
          Roger Allen
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          10 puns entered a contest. Who won? No pun in 10 did! Its old, but had to be done! Roger Allen Sonork 100.10016 WHats brown and sticky? A stick or some smelly stuff!

          C 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • L Lost User

            A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

            R Offline
            R Offline
            Rohit Sinha
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            At the end of the over, the bowler had only one ball left. The batsman's record has a lot of fours. That batsman is pretty old! He just hit a century. All that the batsmen want is to score. His leg spin is a bit off today. His mood is in swing today. I warned you not to take those medicines. That's an ass tray lyin over there. He caught up from way behind to a four word short lag. Well, that's all I could come up with, and yes I am bored, considering I actually used my time to make those. :zzz:
            Regards,

            Rohit Sinha

            Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
            - Abraham Lincoln

            The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.
            - Anonymous

            T 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • L Lost User

              A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

              C Offline
              C Offline
              ColinDavies
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              Awesome stuff !! Regardz Colin J Davies

              Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin

              I'm guessing the concept of a 2 hour movie showing two guys eating a meal and talking struck them as 'foreign' Rob Manderson wrote:

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • R Roger Allen

                10 puns entered a contest. Who won? No pun in 10 did! Its old, but had to be done! Roger Allen Sonork 100.10016 WHats brown and sticky? A stick or some smelly stuff!

                C Offline
                C Offline
                ColinDavies
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                Excellent !! Regardz Colin J Davies

                Sonork ID 100.9197:Colin

                I'm guessing the concept of a 2 hour movie showing two guys eating a meal and talking struck them as 'foreign' Rob Manderson wrote:

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • R Rohit Sinha

                  At the end of the over, the bowler had only one ball left. The batsman's record has a lot of fours. That batsman is pretty old! He just hit a century. All that the batsmen want is to score. His leg spin is a bit off today. His mood is in swing today. I warned you not to take those medicines. That's an ass tray lyin over there. He caught up from way behind to a four word short lag. Well, that's all I could come up with, and yes I am bored, considering I actually used my time to make those. :zzz:
                  Regards,

                  Rohit Sinha

                  Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
                  - Abraham Lincoln

                  The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.
                  - Anonymous

                  T Offline
                  T Offline
                  Ted Ferenc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  That reminds me of the TV commentators statement:- "The batsman's Holding the bowlers Willie" Allegedy a genuine statement

                  If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants. - Isaac Newton 1676

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • L Lost User

                    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism! your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. Steven J. Ackerman, Consultant ACS, Sarasota, FL http://www.acscontrol.com steve@acscontrol.com sja@gte.net

                    J Offline
                    J Offline
                    Jon Sagara
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    Steven J. Ackerman wrote: Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? :laugh: Jon Sagara Hi! I'm Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. -- Uncle Buck

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