The absurdity of language
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Copied and pasted from an email I recieved some time back. Yeah, I know I posted this, but what the hell, it's still funny. :) <copy-paste> Anyone who has ever tried to learn English as a second language or Teach it to second language learners should understand the ironic humor in this: Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian (like me)eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for
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You should see the Portuguese language... :)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
Next week I am taking a class at the local Comunity Collage. Hopefully I can pick it up. Is it much like Spanish or French? Hey don't worry, I can handle it. I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why are you dressed like that? - Jack Burton
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You should see the Portuguese language... :)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
Please, show some examples :) Here we have a language very similar to portuguese, Galician language. In fact, there are a lot of people around here that pretend to make our language the same as portuguese, which I totally disagree because I believe they are just different languages.
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Are you OK ?
Come on Paul... we know she's not :rolleyes: ;-P Regards, Brian Dela :-)
Run naked in the snow until you're sweating like a stuck pig and can't seem to catch your breath. When the flu becomes pneumonia, they can cure that with a shot. - Roger Wright -
Who else wonders about how we manage to communicate at all ? Spoken languages are so convoluted and contradictoy its surprising they work ! Examples: Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana People asking "Are you OK ?" because they know you aren't.... Feel free to supply your own examples Elaine :rose: The tigress is here :-D
Here in Waterford we say "Well" to people when we walk past them in the street... it's a cool little word because it basically means the following: "Hey, How are you? The weather is . Nice to see you. Talk to you again soon." all rolled into one word... it does comepletely confuse outsiders though when you walk by and say well... they thing it's a question that needs answering or that your angry... :rolleyes: Regards, Brian Dela :-)
Run naked in the snow until you're sweating like a stuck pig and can't seem to catch your breath. When the flu becomes pneumonia, they can cure that with a shot. - Roger Wright -
Next week I am taking a class at the local Comunity Collage. Hopefully I can pick it up. Is it much like Spanish or French? Hey don't worry, I can handle it. I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why are you dressed like that? - Jack Burton
Chris Austin wrote: Spanish Spanish for sure... Mauricio Ritter - Brazil Sonorking now: 100.13560 MRitter
Life is a mixture of painful separations from your loved ones and joyful reunions, without those two we'd just be animals I guess. The more painful the separation, that much more wonderful will be the reunion - Nish
"Th@ langwagje is screwed! It has if's but no end if's!! Stupid php cant even do butuns on forms! VISHAUL BASICS ARE THE FUTSHURE!" - Simon Walton -
Thanks Rohit, this was a fun read. Reminds me of all the absurdities I found when learning French, and Spanish. It is soo hard to be ironical when speaking in something outside your mother tongue. Hey don't worry, I can handle it. I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why are you dressed like that? - Jack Burton
Chris Austin wrote: Reminds me of all the absurdities I found when learning French, and Spanish. Yeah, too bad there aren't many people on CP who would understand what I'm talking about if I pointed out the absurdities in Hindi, my mother tongue. :) English is the common language we all know.
Regards,Rohit Sinha
...celebrating Indian spirit and Cricket. 8MB video, really cool!
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Who else wonders about how we manage to communicate at all ? Spoken languages are so convoluted and contradictoy its surprising they work ! Examples: Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana People asking "Are you OK ?" because they know you aren't.... Feel free to supply your own examples Elaine :rose: The tigress is here :-D
There is a funny story (by Mark Twain, I think) how to write the word 'Fish': Take the 'f'-sound from the word 'tough', take the 'i'-sound from the word 'women', take the 'sh'-sound from the word 'nation'. You will get - 'ghoti'.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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You forget to mention that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway! ;P - Nitron
"Those that say a task is impossible shouldn't interrupt the ones who are doing it." - Chinese Proverb
:laugh: That was a good one.
Regards,Rohit Sinha
...celebrating Indian spirit and Cricket. 8MB video, really cool!
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Next week I am taking a class at the local Comunity Collage. Hopefully I can pick it up. Is it much like Spanish or French? Hey don't worry, I can handle it. I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why are you dressed like that? - Jack Burton
Chris Austin wrote: Is it much like Spanish The sound of most words is very similar, but the syntax rules are completely different. And that's the insane part about learning Portuguese. German is in some way similar in that part. As a native English speaker, you'll learn that: 1. No upper case in the middle of the phrases. Like "I", or "English" or "Tuesday". 2. Things have sex. Isn't obvious that glasses are male and tables are female? Isn't obvious that a monitor is male but the screen is female? 3. The "nh" phonem. It's the same of the Spanish "ñ", like in "El Niño" but some native English speakers pronounce it in a way that some Portuguese speakers ROTFL. 4. You'll learn that when you see a sign "puxe" (pronounced push), you need to pull something. 5. You'll learn that if I say "eu pretendo", I intend to do something, not pretend. 6. ALL verbs have variations (up to 50 subtle variations, depending on the verb). The variations depend on the time and the person you are referring to. The most similar thing in the English language is the "to be" verb, with: I am You/We are He/She/it is I/He/She Was You/We were There you have 5 variations of the "to be" verb. But in Portuguese, the same verb has about 50 variations ("conjugações"), with no obvious logic. You have accented chars, like "lâmpada" (lamp), with rules to specify how to use them. For every rule, hundreds of exceptions. Some words have exactly the same sound, like "concerto" (concert) and "conserto" (fix), but are obviously different. The rules are so insane and there are so many exceptions that the Portuguese teachers spend hours arguing with each other which way is the right way. All of this have an advantage: for art, like music and poetry, this makes the Portuguese language something very beautyful and pleasant to be heard.
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
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Please, show some examples :) Here we have a language very similar to portuguese, Galician language. In fact, there are a lot of people around here that pretend to make our language the same as portuguese, which I totally disagree because I believe they are just different languages.
OCid wrote: Please, show some examples See my answer just above :) OCid wrote: In fact, there are a lot of people around here that pretend to make our language the same as portuguese, which I totally disagree because I believe they are just different languages. We do the same here with Spanish, as a joke, we call it "Portunhol" (Português + Espanhol) (Portugues + Spanish)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
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OCid wrote: Please, show some examples See my answer just above :) OCid wrote: In fact, there are a lot of people around here that pretend to make our language the same as portuguese, which I totally disagree because I believe they are just different languages. We do the same here with Spanish, as a joke, we call it "Portunhol" (Português + Espanhol) (Portugues + Spanish)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
Daniel Turini wrote: We do the same here with Spanish, as a joke, we call it "Portunhol" (Português + Espanhol) (Portugues + Spanish) Yep, here we also say "Portunhol" or "Portuñol". However, most of the spanish people can't understand portuguese at all whilst Galician people can. The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. I have a lot of family in Rio de Janeiro, and we don't have trouble understanding one each other.
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Daniel Turini wrote: We do the same here with Spanish, as a joke, we call it "Portunhol" (Português + Espanhol) (Portugues + Spanish) Yep, here we also say "Portunhol" or "Portuñol". However, most of the spanish people can't understand portuguese at all whilst Galician people can. The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. I have a lot of family in Rio de Janeiro, and we don't have trouble understanding one each other.
OCid wrote: The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. Hmmm... I see, just like Java and C# :)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
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There is a funny story (by Mark Twain, I think) how to write the word 'Fish': Take the 'f'-sound from the word 'tough', take the 'i'-sound from the word 'women', take the 'sh'-sound from the word 'nation'. You will get - 'ghoti'.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
here's another Twain, along the same lines: "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling: For example, in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewise 'x' would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which 'c' would be retained would be the 'ch' formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform 'w' spelling, so that 'which' and 'one' would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish 'y' replasing it with 'i' and Iear 4 might fiks the 'g/j' anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez 'c', 'y' and 'x' -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais 'ch', 'sh', and 'th' rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld." -c
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Who else wonders about how we manage to communicate at all ? Spoken languages are so convoluted and contradictoy its surprising they work ! Examples: Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana People asking "Are you OK ?" because they know you aren't.... Feel free to supply your own examples Elaine :rose: The tigress is here :-D
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Marc Help! I'm an AI running around in someone's f*cked up universe simulator.
Sensitivity and ethnic diversity means celebrating difference, not hiding from it. - Christian Graus
Every line of code is a liability - Taka Muraoka
Microsoft deliberately adds arbitrary layers of complexity to make it difficult to deliver Windows features on non-Windows platforms--Microsoft's "Halloween files" -
here's another Twain, along the same lines: "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling: For example, in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewise 'x' would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which 'c' would be retained would be the 'ch' formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform 'w' spelling, so that 'which' and 'one' would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish 'y' replasing it with 'i' and Iear 4 might fiks the 'g/j' anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez 'c', 'y' and 'x' -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais 'ch', 'sh', and 'th' rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld." -c
Image tools: ThumbNailer, Bobber, TIFFAssembler
Something like this have been tried with the German spelling in the last years. After many comitee-meetings and sub-workgroups and ad-hoc task-forces and so on, a diluted standard came out. It is sufficiently different to constantly trigger the subconsious spelling-error warning bell while reading, yet does not go far enough to achieve a consistent spelling with a complete and minimal set of rules. In one word - a disaster. But I like the idea of a spelling that reflects the current use of a language. Thats why I hate french;)
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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OCid wrote: The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. Hmmm... I see, just like Java and C# :)
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
Daniel Turini wrote: I see, just like Java and C# Exactly:) In the beginning we had C (forgetting other languages such as ADA, FORTRAN, Pascal, ...) and then C++ -> Java -> C# Analogously, we had Latin -> Galego-Portuguese (or Portuguese-Galego, the order doesn't count) then they followed different but parallel routes and we got Portuguese and Galego.
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Here in Waterford we say "Well" to people when we walk past them in the street... it's a cool little word because it basically means the following: "Hey, How are you? The weather is . Nice to see you. Talk to you again soon." all rolled into one word... it does comepletely confuse outsiders though when you walk by and say well... they thing it's a question that needs answering or that your angry... :rolleyes: Regards, Brian Dela :-)
Run naked in the snow until you're sweating like a stuck pig and can't seem to catch your breath. When the flu becomes pneumonia, they can cure that with a shot. - Roger WrightBrian Delahunty wrote: Waterford Southern Ireland? That would explain much:-D
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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Chris Austin wrote: Is it much like Spanish The sound of most words is very similar, but the syntax rules are completely different. And that's the insane part about learning Portuguese. German is in some way similar in that part. As a native English speaker, you'll learn that: 1. No upper case in the middle of the phrases. Like "I", or "English" or "Tuesday". 2. Things have sex. Isn't obvious that glasses are male and tables are female? Isn't obvious that a monitor is male but the screen is female? 3. The "nh" phonem. It's the same of the Spanish "ñ", like in "El Niño" but some native English speakers pronounce it in a way that some Portuguese speakers ROTFL. 4. You'll learn that when you see a sign "puxe" (pronounced push), you need to pull something. 5. You'll learn that if I say "eu pretendo", I intend to do something, not pretend. 6. ALL verbs have variations (up to 50 subtle variations, depending on the verb). The variations depend on the time and the person you are referring to. The most similar thing in the English language is the "to be" verb, with: I am You/We are He/She/it is I/He/She Was You/We were There you have 5 variations of the "to be" verb. But in Portuguese, the same verb has about 50 variations ("conjugações"), with no obvious logic. You have accented chars, like "lâmpada" (lamp), with rules to specify how to use them. For every rule, hundreds of exceptions. Some words have exactly the same sound, like "concerto" (concert) and "conserto" (fix), but are obviously different. The rules are so insane and there are so many exceptions that the Portuguese teachers spend hours arguing with each other which way is the right way. All of this have an advantage: for art, like music and poetry, this makes the Portuguese language something very beautyful and pleasant to be heard.
It's not the fall that kills you: it's the sudden stop - Down by Law, Jim Jamursch (1986)
You summed up quite well the portuguese language ,too damn rules, exceptions and variations ... :suss: Daniel Turini wrote: All of this have an advantage: for art, like music and poetry, this makes the Portuguese language something very beautyful and pleasant to be heard. Couldn't agree more :cool: Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9 Remember just because a good thing comes to an end, doesn't mean that the next one can't be better.-Chris Meech
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Daniel Turini wrote: We do the same here with Spanish, as a joke, we call it "Portunhol" (Português + Espanhol) (Portugues + Spanish) Yep, here we also say "Portunhol" or "Portuñol". However, most of the spanish people can't understand portuguese at all whilst Galician people can. The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. I have a lot of family in Rio de Janeiro, and we don't have trouble understanding one each other.
OCid wrote: However, most of the spanish people can't understand portuguese at all whilst Galician people can. The main difference between Portuguese and Gallego is not the grammar (they are essentially the same) but the accent. Yeah! Galego is so incredibily similar to portuguese that I understand 99.99 % of it and the rest I deduct from the context :cool: Cheers,Joao Vaz And if your dream is to care for your family, to put food on the table, to provide them with an education and a good home, then maybe suffering through an endless, pointless, boring job will seem to have purpose. And you will realize how even a rock can change the world, simply by remaining obstinately stationary.-Shog9 Remember just because a good thing comes to an end, doesn't mean that the next one can't be better.-Chris Meech