Aging

honey the codewitch

Two old people are playing golf. "How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went". "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore" protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball" Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup" Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot".

To err is human. Fortune favors the monsters.

jmaida

:)

"A little time, a little trouble, your better day" Badfinger

Single Step Debugger

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine. The priest reads them their last rites, then the king orders the executioner to kill the physicist. The executioner offers the physicist two choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The physicist replies, "I spent my whole life studying the heavens. I would like to face the sky, with the hood on like night!" The executioner positions the physicist and drops the blade... ... and it stops inches from the physicists' neck. The priest cries, "It's a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!", so the king pardons him, and orders the mathematician executed next. The executioner offers the mathematician the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The mathematician replies, "They all result in an equivalent state, but hood off face down is the most elegant solution!" The executioner positions the mathematician and drops the blade... ... and it stops inches from the mathematician's neck. The priest cries, "It's a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!", so the king pardons him, and orders the engineer executed next. The executioner offers the engineer the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The engineer replies, "I have always loved machines, and there is no more elegant a killing machine than the guillotine. I will spend my final moments marveling in its beauty!" The executioner positions the engineer and, as he's about to drop the blade, the engineer shouts: "I see the problem!"

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David ONeil

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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The Optimist: The glass is half full. The Pessimist: The glass is half empty. The Engineer: The glass is too big.

obermd

There's a light at the end of a very long tunnel: The pessimist sees a long walk ahead The optimist sees daylight The engineer sees two idiots standing on the tracks.