Close Friend to Love
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As Christian said, "The point at which you ask a bunch of geeks you've never met for advice, is the point at which all hope is lost... But, since you asked, in my 50+ years of observation, only couples who are best friends actually last in a romantic relationship. All others fade away. Whether the friendship or the lover role comes first is irrelevant, though I've found a far larger number of successful relationships started as frendships than the other way around. Do as someone else suggested - whatever provides the greatest enjoyment, and the least pain to all concerned. But don't ever get the idea that a friend who becomes a lover will be lost in the event of a breakup. I can tell you from experience that this is an outright falsehood. Every lover I've known remains a close friend; we gave it our best, it didn't work out, but we still love those wonderful qualities in each other that made us game to try. Perhaps all hope is not lost, after all...
"...a photo album is like Life, but flat and stuck to pages." - Shog9
My wife and I tease each other constantly as to who chased who, neither of us was interested at first, we started by becoming good friends. So, that's good advice.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
As one of the few women on this site I'd like to give my point of view. I had a friend in high school in which this happened. We were best friends and I started to fall for him. Granted, we were in high school so neither one of us were mature, but needless to say it didn't work although we became 'cuddle buddies' (I'll let you determine your own definition.) I have a feeling that no matter what you say or what you do, she will get hurt. But, if I were you this is what I would do. First, ask her why she thinks she loves you. Sometimes a girl thinks just because she spends a lot of time with a guy, she must be in love. Have her articulate the specific qualities of why she loves you. If she can't that's a clear sign that she's not in love, because women want to be in love at all times and will always find someone to pin their hopes on. They will do anything to make them feel special; many women feel worthless unless they are in love and think someone loves them in return. I had many women friends in college like this. If you don't mind, can you give more specifics on what she said? It might give me more info on how to deal with it, but if it's too sensitive you can email me.
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As one of the few women on this site I'd like to give my point of view. I had a friend in high school in which this happened. We were best friends and I started to fall for him. Granted, we were in high school so neither one of us were mature, but needless to say it didn't work although we became 'cuddle buddies' (I'll let you determine your own definition.) I have a feeling that no matter what you say or what you do, she will get hurt. But, if I were you this is what I would do. First, ask her why she thinks she loves you. Sometimes a girl thinks just because she spends a lot of time with a guy, she must be in love. Have her articulate the specific qualities of why she loves you. If she can't that's a clear sign that she's not in love, because women want to be in love at all times and will always find someone to pin their hopes on. They will do anything to make them feel special; many women feel worthless unless they are in love and think someone loves them in return. I had many women friends in college like this. If you don't mind, can you give more specifics on what she said? It might give me more info on how to deal with it, but if it's too sensitive you can email me.
leckey wrote:
If she can't that's a clear sign that she's not in love,
I doubt my wife can articulate much that she loves about me....
leckey wrote:
They will do anything to make them feel special; many women feel worthless unless they are in love and think someone loves them in return. I had many women friends in college like this.
My sister in law is like this. She jumps in the sack with anyone who looks her over, and wonders why none of them hang around after. It's kind of sad, especially for her kids.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
I'd say be honest - rather have her hurt a little now than hurt a lot later on. Also, ask yourself how you'd feel if you put an early stop to this and she goes on to find happiness with someone else. If jealousy creeps into your mind whilst imagining this scenario perhaps it's time to reasses the direction of your relationship? While I think it would be crazy to pursue anything if you don't feel the same way, there also seem to be a large number of people walking around wondering why they were so blind to earlier opportunities and are left feeling lonely. Sorry, I don't mean to sound negative. Good luck however you choose to handle it - I'm sure if you're compassionate when you speak to her you'll both come out of this ok.
A mum and loving it! My (very young) blog[^]
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The point at which you ask a bunch of geeks you've never met for advice, is the point at which all hope is lost... Did she make absolutely clear that her intentions are romantic ? If not, you could play the 'I love you in just the platonic way that you love me, and isn't that a great relationship for us to have' card. Or you could jump on board the love train and see how many stations you can get to see Or you could tell her that you're gay With advice like that, it's clear if we ever have a 'romance' forum, I'll be the top answerer there.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
Christian Graus wrote:
With advice like that, it's clear if we ever have a 'romance' forum, I'll be the top answerer there.
That all depends on what the following answer meant.
Christian Graus wrote:
Or you could jump on board the love train and see how many stations you can get to see
If it means throw a leg over as many times as you can before it all turns to shit, then yes you the top answerer.
Michael Martin Australia "I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible." - Mr.Prakash 24/04/2004
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
Maunder ive told you before about making aliases and posting your personal problems on CP ;) Bryce
--- To paraphrase Fred Dagg - the views expressed in this post are bloody good ones. --
Publitor, making Pubmed easy. http://www.sohocode.com/publitorOur kids books :The Snot Goblin, and Book 2 - the Snotgoblin and Fluff
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
Watch the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" then don't ever get into this pickle again. The fact you don't know how to handle it doesn't excuse you from the responsibility of it. I advise you not do anything about it for a while. Just relax and see what happens. Make sure you always roll down the window in her car before you spit the grape seeds out the window.:-D
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
We have a separate forum[^] for this.. However, may God guide you through this mess. I will pray for you.
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
Are you Brad pitt? Ronnie coleman? Arnold schwarzenegger? Sorry, you aren't I think. She won't get one like you? Is that you think? No!! She admires your qualities and wants to spend the rest of her life with you. I don't find anything wrong in it.
.jpg wrote:
But I always treat her as a sister to me.
You treated her as your sister, but she isn't your sister. Trust me, a good friend will make a good lover too. What is wrong in accepting her? Unless you are committed to some other girl, in my opinion, you must accept her. Do not think that this is the end of friendship. Your friend will always be your friend. As someone already told, your relationship as lovers will be so strong since she is already your friend for the past five years. You don't need to learn anything new about your friend and vice versa. You know each other inside out.
.jpg wrote:
The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister.
Stop creeping! Go ahead and accept her. If you deny, she has the right to decide if or not to be around with you any more. Because it is going to be hell for her. She had something else in her mind. She will be possessing you already (generally) and she will not want to see you marrying or even flirting another girl. So if you are sure about your decision of saying a 'no' to her, then leave the rest to her. If she decides to leave you, theres nothing wrong.
Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero
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Watch the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" then don't ever get into this pickle again. The fact you don't know how to handle it doesn't excuse you from the responsibility of it. I advise you not do anything about it for a while. Just relax and see what happens. Make sure you always roll down the window in her car before you spit the grape seeds out the window.:-D
code-frog wrote:
Make sure you always roll down the window in her car before you spit the grape seeds out the window.
Is that what I am doing wrong???? ;P
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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code-frog wrote:
Make sure you always roll down the window in her car before you spit the grape seeds out the window.
Is that what I am doing wrong???? ;P
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
Have you seen that movie? It's got to be the dating reference of the ages.:-D
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The point at which you ask a bunch of geeks you've never met for advice, is the point at which all hope is lost... Did she make absolutely clear that her intentions are romantic ? If not, you could play the 'I love you in just the platonic way that you love me, and isn't that a great relationship for us to have' card. Or you could jump on board the love train and see how many stations you can get to see Or you could tell her that you're gay With advice like that, it's clear if we ever have a 'romance' forum, I'll be the top answerer there.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
Lovers need to be good friends too. Go for it.
Asynes yw brassa ages kwilkynyow.
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The point at which you ask a bunch of geeks you've never met for advice, is the point at which all hope is lost... Did she make absolutely clear that her intentions are romantic ? If not, you could play the 'I love you in just the platonic way that you love me, and isn't that a great relationship for us to have' card. Or you could jump on board the love train and see how many stations you can get to see Or you could tell her that you're gay With advice like that, it's clear if we ever have a 'romance' forum, I'll be the top answerer there.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
Christian Graus wrote:
With advice like that, it's clear if we ever have a 'romance' forum, I'll be the top answerer there.
And with my track record, I wouldn't even be allowed to give answers :rolleyes:
We are a big screwed up dysfunctional psychotic happy family - some more screwed up, others more happy, but everybody's psychotic joint venture definition of CP
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A close female friend of mine, today, told me that she loves me. But I always treat her as a sister to me. I really wish that this brother-sister relationship can go on, because she is the only one who understand me in full and we were being very close for the past 5+ years, as some really close-friend. Both me and her know that, either one of us speak about 'love' between this friendship is going to be either a happily together ending or a lost of 5+ friendship ending. The fact is, I don't 'love' her, but I do like her so much, as a sister. Oh my god, I just don't know how to handle this...
I wish I had a magic answer but sometimes life changes. Take a while to decide how your life is to change :love:
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My wife and I tease each other constantly as to who chased who, neither of us was interested at first, we started by becoming good friends. So, that's good advice.
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
"A man chases a woman until she catches him" :laugh:
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Have you seen that movie? It's got to be the dating reference of the ages.:-D
code-frog wrote:
Have you seen that movie?
yes, its on the shelf... I had just not thought of it until it was mentioned then broke up laughing. Given my recent reentry into the dating world, I thought I would make a joke. :)
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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I've been watching too much 'beavis and butthead'. 'lovers come and go' hehe hehehe hehe
Christian Graus - Microsoft MVP - C++ Metal Musings - Rex and my new metal blog
gentle but firm...yeah..huh-he heh heh huh. You said firm...
cheers, Chris Maunder
CodeProject.com : C++ MVP