JOTD: International Council OF MAN LAWS
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International Council OF MAN LAWS: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <
That's just bleeding awesome! :-D
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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International Council OF MAN LAWS: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. So I can only say "Hello" then. :-)
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21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. So I can only say "Hello" then. :-)
keefb wrote:
So I can only say "Hello" then
You probably don't want to admit that to the rest of the world! :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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International Council OF MAN LAWS: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
Excellent post all round, and the above is a scientific fact :laugh:
He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man
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keefb wrote:
So I can only say "Hello" then
You probably don't want to admit that to the rest of the world! :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
keefb wrote: So I can only say "Hello" then You probably don't didn't want to admit that to the rest of the world!
FTFY - oops, too late!
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. This message is made of fully recyclable Zeros and Ones
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International Council OF MAN LAWS: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <
I thought the powers that be would have added this, so I propose an Amendment: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amendment to the International Council of Man Laws: NEW Article: 28) Real men see in at best only 6 colours, participating in a conversation regarding particular 'shades' of colour is an act of treachery; with castration the only just form of punishment. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All those in favour say 'I'... :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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I thought the powers that be would have added this, so I propose an Amendment: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amendment to the International Council of Man Laws: NEW Article: 28) Real men see in at best only 6 colours, participating in a conversation regarding particular 'shades' of colour is an act of treachery; with castration the only just form of punishment. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All those in favour say 'I'... :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
I move to request an addition to the amendment. "Fuschia (or whatever it is called) is not a color recognized by men. Ever." Aye!
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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International Council OF MAN LAWS: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing. 9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 13: Friends don't let friends wear Budgie Smugglers. Ever. Issue closed. 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: :laugh:
-- "My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
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I move to request an addition to the amendment. "Fuschia (or whatever it is called) is not a color recognized by men. Ever." Aye!
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
"Fuschia (or whatever it is called) is not a color recognized by men. Ever."
Agreed!! :thumbsup:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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I thought the powers that be would have added this, so I propose an Amendment: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amendment to the International Council of Man Laws: NEW Article: 28) Real men see in at best only 6 colours, participating in a conversation regarding particular 'shades' of colour is an act of treachery; with castration the only just form of punishment. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All those in favour say 'I'... :-D
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Rule 29: When buying a car, it has a petrol engine, not diesel, not hybrid, and not sodding electric. Rule 30: A man will own one suit. This shall be used for weddings, funerals, job interviews and court appearances. Rule 31: When exiting a shower, the towel is worn either round the waist or casually tossed over one shoulder. It is at no time worn round the chest. Rule 31a: If a woman is present when exiting the shower, the genitals should be waved at her and the call of "Whay Hay" given.
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
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Mustafa Ismail Mustafa wrote:
"Fuschia (or whatever it is called) is not a color recognized by men. Ever."
Agreed!! :thumbsup:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
[Mr. Burns] Excellent! [/Mr. Burns] Now, JSOP needs to read this :laugh:
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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Rule 29: When buying a car, it has a petrol engine, not diesel, not hybrid, and not sodding electric. Rule 30: A man will own one suit. This shall be used for weddings, funerals, job interviews and court appearances. Rule 31: When exiting a shower, the towel is worn either round the waist or casually tossed over one shoulder. It is at no time worn round the chest. Rule 31a: If a woman is present when exiting the shower, the genitals should be waved at her and the call of "Whay Hay" given.
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
:laugh: Very good DD! (Rule 30 - I actually only own one suit! And yes, it only comes out on those special occasions! Spot on!) :thumbsup:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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[Mr. Burns] Excellent! [/Mr. Burns] Now, JSOP needs to read this :laugh:
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
Good to see other people are carrying on what I started. :laugh: I'd like to add a corollary (sadly, not my own) to your assertion:
Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colours. Men have no idea what Mauve is.
Cheers, Vikram. (Proud to have finally cracked a CCC!)
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Good to see other people are carrying on what I started. :laugh: I'd like to add a corollary (sadly, not my own) to your assertion:
Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colours. Men have no idea what Mauve is.
Cheers, Vikram. (Proud to have finally cracked a CCC!)
Or Taupe!
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
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Or Taupe!
------------------------------------ "Men may make bad decisions, immoral decisions or just plain wrong decisions, but at least they make decisions. Women on the other hand..." Patrick Kielty 2006
What the heck is Taupe?! (no I haven't googled and neither do I have the intention to!)
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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Good to see other people are carrying on what I started. :laugh: I'd like to add a corollary (sadly, not my own) to your assertion:
Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colours. Men have no idea what Mauve is.
Cheers, Vikram. (Proud to have finally cracked a CCC!)
Certainly! It was shocking to me that JSOP (of all people!!!) knew what it meant!
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote:
Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colours. Men have no idea what Mauve is.
As DD says "Tick VG" :-D
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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What the heck is Taupe?! (no I haven't googled and neither do I have the intention to!)
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
It's between Beige and Mushroom. [Hangs head in shame....]
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Good to see other people are carrying on what I started. :laugh: I'd like to add a corollary (sadly, not my own) to your assertion:
Peach and Pumpkin are fruits, not colours. Men have no idea what Mauve is.
Cheers, Vikram. (Proud to have finally cracked a CCC!)
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It's between Beige and Mushroom. [Hangs head in shame....]
What's a Beige?
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
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What's a Beige?
If the post was helpful, please vote, eh! Current activities: Book: Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Project: Hospital Automation, final stage Learning: Image analysis, LINQ Now and forever, defiant to the end. What is Multiple Sclerosis[^]?
A shade lighter than Taupe!
