How Many Germans Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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How many programmers? None - it's a hardware problem. Tech Support people? Ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring..... Nuclear engineers? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. Mystery writers? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. Blue Peter presenters? Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say "here's one we did earlier" Managers? We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
You should never use standby on an elephant. It always crashes when you lift the ears. - Mark Wallace C/C++ (I dont see a huge difference between them, and the 'benefits' of C++ are questionable, who needs inheritance when you have copy and paste) - fat_boy
Q: Tech Support people? A: Your call is very important to us. Please, stay on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
How many real men does it take to change the kitchen lightbulb? None. She can bloody well cook in the dark. In a similar vein, What is an appropriate amount to spend repairing your wife's wrist watch? Nothing. There's a clock on the stove. *runs and hides* //L
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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Let x be the amount of time it takes one mathematician to change one light bulb and {x} be the domain of all available mathematicians.... A2: One. The proof is left up to the student. --- Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change. --- (Ok, this one is obscure. A vote up to the first person to get this.) Q: How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? A1: How does one change broken light? A2: Two: one to decide what to change it into, and one to figure out what kind of bulb emits broken light.
A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
Keith Barrow wrote:
Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today....
Let me try: One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job Hm, doesn't work. Let's try a fake german accent: One! Beckohs zat iz ze number necezzary to do ze shob! Achtung! Hm. Maybe in german? Einer! Denn dies ist die notwendige Anzahl! Hm. So redet doch keiner. Einer! Mehr braucht man nicht!
Agh! Reality! My Archnemesis![^]
| FoldWithUs! | sighist | µLaunch - program launcher for server core and hyper-v server.modified on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 11:53 AM
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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Let x be the amount of time it takes one mathematician to change one light bulb and {x} be the domain of all available mathematicians.... A2: One. The proof is left up to the student. --- Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change. --- (Ok, this one is obscure. A vote up to the first person to get this.) Q: How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? A1: How does one change broken light? A2: Two: one to decide what to change it into, and one to figure out what kind of bulb emits broken light.
Heh nice, have to define change and broken before that statement becomes credible in lojban. Or use Replace and Depleted instead
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
I majored in applied mathematics in college. One of my professors used a similar story to explain the difference between theoretical math and applied math: Take a basketball court. A mathematician stands at one end of the court, an engineer at the other. Tell them that the first person to reach the middle of the court will win a large sum of money, provided that every even step is going backwards half the distance of every odd step. The mathematician will throw up his hands in disgust and leave, knowing that it will take an infinite amount of time to reach the middle. The engineer will start walking back and forth, because he knows that he can easily get close enough as to make no difference.
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The stereotype (at least in Britain) is that Germans are literally minded, and have no sense of humour.... I dread to think what the German stereotype of the British is.
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
That reminds me of the following comparison: Heaven - English chauffeur, German car, French cook, Italian wife. Hell - Italian chauffeur, French car, English cook, German wife.
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
-
One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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Nope, I'm in Munich just now and it's still not funny ;P
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^]
That's because you are in Munich. Bavaria is not Germany, and Munich is not Bavaria. So you might or might nto be in Germany. Like Schroedingers cat, with a poisoned troll...
Agh! Reality! My Archnemesis![^]
| FoldWithUs! | sighist | µLaunch - program launcher for server core and hyper-v server. -
A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
-
One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
This joke is much different told here in Brazil. Brazilian people often make jokes about portuguese people, challenging their intelligence. Here it is: How many portuguese people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five. One to be stading over the chair holding the lightbulb and four to lift the chair and twist it.
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Q: Tech Support people? A: Your call is very important to us. Please, stay on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
-
How many programmers? None - it's a hardware problem. Tech Support people? Ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring..... Nuclear engineers? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. Mystery writers? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. Blue Peter presenters? Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say "here's one we did earlier" Managers? We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
You should never use standby on an elephant. It always crashes when you lift the ears. - Mark Wallace C/C++ (I dont see a huge difference between them, and the 'benefits' of C++ are questionable, who needs inheritance when you have copy and paste) - fat_boy
Same lightbulb joke, told in a different way. It is much different told here in Brazil. Brazilian people often make jokes about portuguese people, challenging their intelligence. Here it is: How many portuguese people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five. One to be stading over the chair holding the lightbulb and four to lift the chair and twist it.
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Q: Tech Support people? A: Your call is very important to us. Please, stay on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
Q: Tech Support People? A: "We're going to need to rebuild your house."
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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Let x be the amount of time it takes one mathematician to change one light bulb and {x} be the domain of all available mathematicians.... A2: One. The proof is left up to the student. --- Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change. --- (Ok, this one is obscure. A vote up to the first person to get this.) Q: How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? A1: How does one change broken light? A2: Two: one to decide what to change it into, and one to figure out what kind of bulb emits broken light.
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Paddy walks into a building site and speaks to the foreman about a labouring job. The foreman says "I'm sick of thick Irishmen coming to me for work, so I'm going to have to ask you an interview question to make sure you're up to the job". Paddy replies "OK". The foreman asks "Can you tell me what the difference is between a Joist and a Grider"? Paddy replies "Easy! Joyce wrote Ulyesses where Faust was written by Goethe"
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
Sorry, this Irish joke means nothing to me and a joke isn't funny if it has to be explained. The original was funny BTW and I learned something from the Lojban one (thanks (I think)).
