How Many Germans Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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Nope, I'm in Munich just now and it's still not funny ;P
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^]
That's because you are in Munich. Bavaria is not Germany, and Munich is not Bavaria. So you might or might nto be in Germany. Like Schroedingers cat, with a poisoned troll...
Agh! Reality! My Archnemesis![^]
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
This joke is much different told here in Brazil. Brazilian people often make jokes about portuguese people, challenging their intelligence. Here it is: How many portuguese people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five. One to be stading over the chair holding the lightbulb and four to lift the chair and twist it.
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Q: Tech Support people? A: Your call is very important to us. Please, stay on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
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How many programmers? None - it's a hardware problem. Tech Support people? Ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring ring-ring..... Nuclear engineers? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. Mystery writers? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. Blue Peter presenters? Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say "here's one we did earlier" Managers? We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
You should never use standby on an elephant. It always crashes when you lift the ears. - Mark Wallace C/C++ (I dont see a huge difference between them, and the 'benefits' of C++ are questionable, who needs inheritance when you have copy and paste) - fat_boy
Same lightbulb joke, told in a different way. It is much different told here in Brazil. Brazilian people often make jokes about portuguese people, challenging their intelligence. Here it is: How many portuguese people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Five. One to be stading over the chair holding the lightbulb and four to lift the chair and twist it.
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Q: Tech Support people? A: Your call is very important to us. Please, stay on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly.
Q: Tech Support People? A: "We're going to need to rebuild your house."
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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Let x be the amount of time it takes one mathematician to change one light bulb and {x} be the domain of all available mathematicians.... A2: One. The proof is left up to the student. --- Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change. --- (Ok, this one is obscure. A vote up to the first person to get this.) Q: How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? A1: How does one change broken light? A2: Two: one to decide what to change it into, and one to figure out what kind of bulb emits broken light.
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Paddy walks into a building site and speaks to the foreman about a labouring job. The foreman says "I'm sick of thick Irishmen coming to me for work, so I'm going to have to ask you an interview question to make sure you're up to the job". Paddy replies "OK". The foreman asks "Can you tell me what the difference is between a Joist and a Grider"? Paddy replies "Easy! Joyce wrote Ulyesses where Faust was written by Goethe"
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
Sorry, this Irish joke means nothing to me and a joke isn't funny if it has to be explained. The original was funny BTW and I learned something from the Lojban one (thanks (I think)).
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
I've heard that joke but usually the 3rd is an engineer and he says "I know, but I can get close enough to be within tolerance."
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
Once upon a time 3 engineers were in a car, having trip in a long road inside a desert; a cs engineer, an electronics engineer and a mechanical engineer. Somewhere in the road, the stopped and did not move. The electronics engineer said: "it might be because of wire which brings power to the engine.Let's check the wiring!". The mechanical engineer said: " it might be because of mixture of oil and water inside engine, let's try it.". The cs guy was silent. The other guys looked at him: "What do you guess? what is the problem? ". He replied "Whenever a computer hangs, we just push the Reset button. So, ... Lets just get out and then get into again!"
Behzad
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
while I certainly like the chemists approach (I am dirty by nature ;)) I would humbly suggest ... That is an engineering problem ! You just have to reach the smoking-hot naked woman in one single step ;) or maybe roll, jump, drive or cycle the way ;) Or is it simple the problem of a poet ? Saying something beautiful that will bring her to you ? Okay enough gibberish from me - I will shut up and hmm take a jump to my beautifull girlfriend on the couch :)
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I majored in applied mathematics in college. One of my professors used a similar story to explain the difference between theoretical math and applied math: Take a basketball court. A mathematician stands at one end of the court, an engineer at the other. Tell them that the first person to reach the middle of the court will win a large sum of money, provided that every even step is going backwards half the distance of every odd step. The mathematician will throw up his hands in disgust and leave, knowing that it will take an infinite amount of time to reach the middle. The engineer will start walking back and forth, because he knows that he can easily get close enough as to make no difference.
TechBearSeattle wrote:
knowing that it will take an infinite amount of time to reach the middle
I might be wrong, cause I don't know enough of math, but I don't think this problem is unsolvable (or will take an infinite amount of time). Say that if you advance 1 meter per step, thus you have to take a 0.5 meter step back. After 2 steps, you're at 0.5 meter; at 4 steps, you're at 1m; at 6 steps, you're at 1.5m; etc... Eventually, you'll reach your goal. If every step has to be the half of the previous step, then you'll never get to your destination, unless your destination is one step away from you. Please correct me if I'm wrong. :)
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
Keith Barrow wrote:
The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her".
Nitpick: as the problem is stated, you can reach her, since the length of the first step is undefined. So if the first step takes you >= 2/3 the distance, the second step will be >= 1/3 the distance and you'll reach your destination :-O
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A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
CHEMIST KNOW HOW TO REACT !
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"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek dissappointment. If you are searching for perfection in yourself, then you seek failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
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One: Because that is the number necessary to do the job* Seeing as we are going into old chestnuts today.... *This joke is much funnier when told by a german
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
How many Creation Scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it quickly, and one to point out that no transitional forms occurred at all.How many Darwinians does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Well actually, we won't even TRY to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with FUNCTIONING bulbs. That way, over time, ...." -
A mathematician, a physicist and a chemist have agreed to be tested in a psychological experiment. The psychologist explains the setup. "As you probably only too aware, there is a smoking-hot naked woman in the centre of the room. For the purposes of this test she has agreed to do anything you want when you get to her. The only rule is each step you take towards her, must be half the length of the previous one". The mathematician thinks for a second, then says "I'm out, I can never reach her". The physicist sets off, takes a couple of paces, then leaves saying "the evidence suggests it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her". The Chemist sets off. The pyschologist asks "Why are you going, don't you realise that you can never reach the woman?" The chemist replies "I know, but I can get close enough for experimental purposes".
Dalek Dave: There are many words that some find offensive, Homosexuality, Alcoholism, Religion, Visual Basic, Manchester United, Butter. Pete o'Hanlon: If it wasn't insulting tools, I'd say you were dumber than a bag of spanners.
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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Let x be the amount of time it takes one mathematician to change one light bulb and {x} be the domain of all available mathematicians.... A2: One. The proof is left up to the student. --- Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change. --- (Ok, this one is obscure. A vote up to the first person to get this.) Q: How many Lojban speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? A1: How does one change broken light? A2: Two: one to decide what to change it into, and one to figure out what kind of bulb emits broken light.
While not familiar with Lojban, the joke probably plays on the fact that the expressions (probably?) are non-associative, and without parentheses it is understood as ((broken light) bulb) i.e. a bulb that emits "broken light" (as A2 actually states). The A2 also states that the verb "change" requires a second operand defining the "destination" of changing ("to change from what to what"). Or am I just being pathetic at trying to explain the trivial issue?
