Passive aggressive colleagues.
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CPallini wrote:
Hey, the hamsters are the bosses here. Chris is just a subordinate.
FTFY. :)
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
I saw an aging newspaper clipping on the wall of an office describing Toxic Employees. The only remedial action suggested was termination. A toxic employee can never be re-mediated. If the person does not fit with your team toss them. As for deciding on a plan of action ... are you sure you and the coworker are agreeing on a plan of action? I am reminded of a quote from a movie, "It is not a discussion, it is an argument and you always win" (Kudos to those that guess the Hugh Grant movie that is from) bottom-line if you and a co-worker discuss something and you two disagree as to the course of action and yours is chosen; you should not treat it as an agreement. You should treat it as an order, you are the boss. Stop having 'discussions' when you have already decided a course of action. I only mention this last part because it is a pet-peeve of mine.
Need custom software developed? I do custom programming based primarily on MS tools with an emphasis on C# development and consulting. I also do Android Programming as I find it a refreshing break from the MS. "And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs" -- Robert Frost
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
When they have publicly agreed to do something and dont, it is normally embarrasing enough such that they wont do it. Of course when I was team leader I used to say "oy, get on with it or you wont get a pay rise!" Blunt, but no bollocks truth doesnt hurt.
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Number1 should be changed to this: 1. Give feedback. Tell him that if he doesn't perform the assigned work in the manner described, he will be fired. and then, there's item #4: 4) Take him on a field trip to a local shooting range. Mention that you go to the range whenever you need to "blow off steam" when an employee doesn't perform as expected. On the way back to the office, ask him how he thinks he's performing.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997modified on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 8:17 AM
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
- Take him on a field trip to a local shooting range. Mention that you go to the range whenever you need to "blow off steam" when an employee doesn't perform as expected. On the way back to the office, ask him how he thinks he's performing.
This could be dangerous. I mean what if he shits himself in your car? It will smell forever…
There is only one Ashley Judd and Salma Hayek is her prophet! Advertise here – minimum three posts per day are guaranteed.
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I see the subtle humor of your question, but I think it's gonna take most of the folks here a couple minutes to get it. :)
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997Why? You think we are democrats or something? :-D
There is only one Ashley Judd and Salma Hayek is her prophet! Advertise here – minimum three posts per day are guaranteed.
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I see the subtle humor of your question, but I think it's gonna take most of the folks here a couple minutes to get it. :)
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997 -
I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
#2. Get the work done anyway is probably your best course of action then.
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams "Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's okay with this?"
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
I thought number 1 was "Promote him." That's what my last company would do (and then lay off the people who complained.)
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
Chris Maunder wrote:
What's your experience in this kind of thing?
Snot the fucker.
Michael Martin Australia "I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible." - Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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I saw an aging newspaper clipping on the wall of an office describing Toxic Employees. The only remedial action suggested was termination. A toxic employee can never be re-mediated. If the person does not fit with your team toss them. As for deciding on a plan of action ... are you sure you and the coworker are agreeing on a plan of action? I am reminded of a quote from a movie, "It is not a discussion, it is an argument and you always win" (Kudos to those that guess the Hugh Grant movie that is from) bottom-line if you and a co-worker discuss something and you two disagree as to the course of action and yours is chosen; you should not treat it as an agreement. You should treat it as an order, you are the boss. Stop having 'discussions' when you have already decided a course of action. I only mention this last part because it is a pet-peeve of mine.
Need custom software developed? I do custom programming based primarily on MS tools with an emphasis on C# development and consulting. I also do Android Programming as I find it a refreshing break from the MS. "And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs" -- Robert Frost
Ennis Ray Lynch, Jr. wrote:
The only remedial action suggested was termination.
I hate that. When I can't get someone to integrate/retrain/shape up to work well as a member of a team, I feel like it's I who have failed when they walk out the door for the last time -- and I've failed too damned many times.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Number1 should be changed to this: 1. Give feedback. Tell him that if he doesn't perform the assigned work in the manner described, he will be fired. and then, there's item #4: 4) Take him on a field trip to a local shooting range. Mention that you go to the range whenever you need to "blow off steam" when an employee doesn't perform as expected. On the way back to the office, ask him how he thinks he's performing.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997modified on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 8:17 AM
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
I have both been a part of development teams and been responsible for them. I agree that the troublemaker will remain a trouble maker no matter what. I have taken the approach to ask the passive agressive individual to take the lead on a particularly difficult aspect of the job at hand. 9 times out of 10 they eventually turn around or leave on their own.
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
All kidding aside, I have found that compensation works as a great lever to achieve the desired results. If developers were compensated on what they produce, they focus on getting the job done. The historical method of setting a fixed salary works to attract the least common denominator "Wally" types who will go off and play with some bright shiny toy instead of getting the work done that makes the company money. That being said, there must also be time to play with new technologies which is structured into the system of compensation. In the end, friction causing and unproductive members of a team compensated in this way find their own path out the door. Side benefit is that it can save you mountain of H.R. paperwork. I'm not pitching that this solution is perfect, but when the actions at work affect the amount of money a resource sees in their paycheck the focus is on completing the work the company needs. (Shameless plug, but this is addressed in detail in my book Agile Development & Business Goals.) It sounds ruthless, and to some it is not acceptable, but it works and developers have to realize at some point that they are adults and responsible for their own futures. If a developer goes off and does something, and it works out better than what you had in mind, so what? As long as the goals were met and the work won't impede future development you're in great shape. I frequently let two competing approaches develop in parallel for a short time so that the team really understands the benefits and detriments of different approaches. If someone isn't working out, terminate their employment quickly. Do not let the problem fester.
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
Passive-aggressive is quite common amongst developers because most of them think they know best! One tactic I've seen used to really good effect was to appeal to the person's vanity. Along the lines of "you're being asked to do this task because your the best at it".
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All kidding aside, I have found that compensation works as a great lever to achieve the desired results. If developers were compensated on what they produce, they focus on getting the job done. The historical method of setting a fixed salary works to attract the least common denominator "Wally" types who will go off and play with some bright shiny toy instead of getting the work done that makes the company money. That being said, there must also be time to play with new technologies which is structured into the system of compensation. In the end, friction causing and unproductive members of a team compensated in this way find their own path out the door. Side benefit is that it can save you mountain of H.R. paperwork. I'm not pitching that this solution is perfect, but when the actions at work affect the amount of money a resource sees in their paycheck the focus is on completing the work the company needs. (Shameless plug, but this is addressed in detail in my book Agile Development & Business Goals.) It sounds ruthless, and to some it is not acceptable, but it works and developers have to realize at some point that they are adults and responsible for their own futures. If a developer goes off and does something, and it works out better than what you had in mind, so what? As long as the goals were met and the work won't impede future development you're in great shape. I frequently let two competing approaches develop in parallel for a short time so that the team really understands the benefits and detriments of different approaches. If someone isn't working out, terminate their employment quickly. Do not let the problem fester.
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Number1 should be changed to this: 1. Give feedback. Tell him that if he doesn't perform the assigned work in the manner described, he will be fired. and then, there's item #4: 4) Take him on a field trip to a local shooting range. Mention that you go to the range whenever you need to "blow off steam" when an employee doesn't perform as expected. On the way back to the office, ask him how he thinks he's performing.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997modified on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 8:17 AM
works as long as the cohort isn't carrying concealed.
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I received a newsletter today with a tip on dealing with passive aggressive colleagues: It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage is all too common and can make it difficult to achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker who says one thing and does another, try this: 1. Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what you're seeing and experiencing. Describe the impact of his behavior on you and provide suggestions for how he might change. 2. Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer's style, so don't waste time wishing he would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead. 3. Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task. My experience in this is that if I did that, the passive aggressive behaviour would simply become aggressive behaviour. I can't see this advice being worth the electrons that sent it. What's your experience in this kind of thing?
cheers, Chris Maunder The Code Project | Co-founder Microsoft C++ MVP
What if the passive/aggressive is me. I work in a very small company that develops software. Mind you, I am not talking about a collective here. This is between me and my boss micro-managing me at atomic level. A boss who is asking me to write the code in such a way that the people supporting our app would understand the code (read "dumb down" the code), or who asked me to consult him before doing anything in an "unusual fashion". You know what is unusual for him: properties - yes, the things with the getter and setter. Other unusual things: encapsulation, aggregation or composition, xml comments (they need not be xml and need to be the underneath the method signature) ... and many other things we don't have the time but I hope you got the ideea. So again it is only between him and me beacuse this is how he chose to do things. He rejects meetings where the collective mind could come up with something that he doesn't like. We don't have meeting for the programmers so it is basically a dictatorship regime. He asked me to not use properties because they are weird and hide functionality in the getter and setter and people could miss it when troubleshooting.:confused: Anyway, enough with this. Some of you may still want to lapidate me because I am the troublemaker, some will just pity me. I agree with the second bunch but I was and I am just stuck for now with this situation (I am not getting into details but I am working towards freeing myself). So, yes, I sometimes agree with my superior and when I code I change stuff slightly. I change by encapsulating by making the code more organized by reducing methods spanning 8 display screens to what they should be ... doing stuff the modern way and not necessarily for feeling better about myself but because it is more efficient for the company. It is better for everybody and I have plenty of people agreeing with me so I continue to do it even though I am the only one crazy enough. Just to be clear, what is agreed in a collective of peers after everybody spoke his mind I would follow 100%. That would be my word given to people who are my peers and respect me for what I can bring to the table not some bully like my boss. Anyway, I hope I will get there soon, a place where I don't have to fight to use "lambda expresions" or "extension methods" or ... properties and where I don't have to hide to do good. Can you see my perspective?
sly
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A trouble maker is a trouble maker and usually will never change. I think you are spot on with the "aggressive behavior" bit. I would also throw in resentment as well from the trouble maker. I agree with Dave. If they don't shape up, then they ship out.
The "Shape up or ship out" approach may solve the problem of dealing with a slacker but you also very well may be cutting off your nose to spit your face to use a common term. The "shape up or ship out" method, while effective is also not very smart. You may get rid of your problem but you may also in the process lessen the effectiveness of your output. What if the trouble maker could be doing more and or better than non-troublemakers if only X weren't going on? Perhaps the trouble maker actions arise from something at work that you don’t know about and because of your shape up or ship out attitude you don’t bother to look into and so you ending up firing someone who later on at a competitor turns out to be the worker of the year now that they’ve been moved to an environment that doesn't have the problem that produced the trouble-maker like behavior in the first place? I'm not saying that for a majority of the cases the trouble-maker is most likely a problem and needs to go. What I’m saying is that taking the attitude of “shape up or ship out” is not only poor management skills but it’s also a sign of an aggressive control personality which in itself leads to poor management. I’ve managed people before and I know how hard it is and never desire to do it again. I prefer solving problems then figuring out people.
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On the subject on "compensation" there used to be bonus schemes in operation for IT projects. They were a great motivator, but I've haven't come across one in a long while.
The system I use for compensation is a little different than some future promise of a "bonus". First, twice a quarter representatives from the business and the development staff physically sign a document to enumerate what is to be developed during the iteration. This forces the business side to clearly articulate and prioritize the needs. The first week of each iteration is when this negotiation takes place. Second, bonuses are paid as soon as possible after the iteration ends and not at until the end of the year (iteration ends mid-month, then the bonus is paid at the end of the month). This is baked into the compensation and not based on a whim at some later date. Point is, if the business is telling the software development group what is important (and they are honest about it), success follows. As software development happens (well) ahead of a product roll-out, basing a developers compensation on sales (6-12 months or more in the future) does not tie successful development efforts to the future sales. Base pay is reasonable; no one would starve if the goals are not met and a bonus is not paid. Bonus compensation typically ranges from 10-20% of overall compensation. At the end, if all development goals are met, total compensation is above market. Businesses use incentive pay, MBOs (management by objective), etc., for positions for which they expect results. Why doesn’t this mentality cover software development?