How to shoot yourself in the foot
-
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
I was thinking about this joke only last week. I first saw it back in the eighties ( which is why, I suspect, the references to dBase, Clipper etc.) when it was disseminated courtesy of that nice Mr Xerox (and his relatives). Doing so made me also remember another one from about the same time, and similarly distributed, which was a Sequence/Flow chart for the development process of an application. It ended with a cloud bubble containing "And then a miracle happened, and we shipped!". Very funny it was too. Alas, despite several attempts to find a version on-line at various times, I have been unable to share it.
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
-
Oi! Ishmael....
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
-
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
C# You prepare the gun and the bullet, carefully modeling all of the physics of a bullet traveling through a foot. Just before you're about to pull the trigger, you stumble on
System.Windows.BodyParts.Foot.ShootAt(System.Windows.Firearms.IGun gun)in the extended framework, realize you just wasted the entire afternoon, and shoot yourself in the head.Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels)Brilliant. I would like to sign up for the new version of this gun and bullet when it comes out.
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
-
Ian Shlasko wrote:
They made us use Modula-3 in college for my first two years
I had 3 years of ADA. Try pimping that on a resume. X|
thrakazog wrote:
Try pimping that on a resume.
:laugh:
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
-
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
C# You prepare the gun and the bullet, carefully modeling all of the physics of a bullet traveling through a foot. Just before you're about to pull the trigger, you stumble on
System.Windows.BodyParts.Foot.ShootAt(System.Windows.Firearms.IGun gun)in the extended framework, realize you just wasted the entire afternoon, and shoot yourself in the head.Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels)Just remember to have full trust or the [assembly: AllowPartiallyTrustedCallers] directive in your assembly, otherwise you won't be able to access the head.
-
Oi! Ishmael....
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.” I wouldn't let CG touch my Abacus! When you're wrestling a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is.
:laugh:
It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
-
Albert Holguin wrote:
so what happened to C#?
C# You prepare the gun and the bullet, carefully modeling all of the physics of a bullet traveling through a foot. Just before you're about to pull the trigger, you stumble on
System.Windows.BodyParts.Foot.ShootAt(System.Windows.Firearms.IGun gun)in the extended framework, realize you just wasted the entire afternoon, and shoot yourself in the head.Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Brilliant. I would like to sign up for the new version of this gun and bullet when it comes out.
-- ** You don't hire a handyman to build a house, you hire a carpenter. ** Jack of all trades and master of none.
Skip the next version... Rumor has it, there's a trajectory error that could cause unpredictable results. Microsoft is looking into it, but there's a good chance they'll just mark it "Won't fix" and deprecate the method.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Just remember to have full trust or the [assembly: AllowPartiallyTrustedCallers] directive in your assembly, otherwise you won't be able to access the head.
That's by design. I mean, you wouldn't want just ANY program shooting you in the foot, right? That's what C++ is for.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels) -
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
How programmers see each other[^] :cool:
Anna :rose: Tech Blog | Visual Lint "Why would anyone prefer to wield a weapon that takes both hands at once, when they could use a lighter (and obviously superior) weapon that allows you to wield multiple ones at a time, and thus supports multi-paradigm carnage?"
-
so what happened to C#? :doh:
You can only shoot yourself in the foot if you use the
unsafekeyword.".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
-----
You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
-----
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997 -
How programmers see each other[^] :cool:
Anna :rose: Tech Blog | Visual Lint "Why would anyone prefer to wield a weapon that takes both hands at once, when they could use a lighter (and obviously superior) weapon that allows you to wield multiple ones at a time, and thus supports multi-paradigm carnage?"
Good one
-
Ian Shlasko wrote:
They made us use Modula-3 in college for my first two years
I had 3 years of ADA. Try pimping that on a resume. X|
thrakazog wrote:
Try pimping that on a resume
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Poor soul. I had to take a class in Ada while at TRW, because DoD required all applications to be written in the language, and compiled using a "qualified" compiler. There were no "qualified" compilers in existence at the time, but management was sure that one would come along one of these days... As I had recently been in the same spot at a previous company, required to deliver all embedded software in JOVIAL (for which no "qualified" compiler existed at the time, either) I happily attended classes, got paid for it, and never had to type a single line of Ada. But I've still got the textbooks, if you'd like them. :-D
Will Rogers never met me.
-
Ger Hayden wrote:
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.Ah, memories... They made us use Modula-3 in college for my first two years... Such a useless language... Of course, then they switched to Java and wasted a semester teaching third-year students how to write for loops, because apparently curly-braces are scary and make kids cry.
Proud to have finally moved to the A-Ark. Which one are you in?
Author of the Guardians Saga (Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels)Ian Shlasko wrote:
Ah, memories...
Same here... Coming from the technical school after having learned Pascal for 2 or 3 years, the university scared me by forcing us to use Modula-2. I passed only with good luck. Then, 2 or 3 years later they switched the course to Java. regards
-
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
<?php require("foot_safety_check.php"); ?> <!DOCTYPE HTML> <html> <head> <!--Lower!--> <title>Shooting me in the foot</title> </head> <body> <!--LOWER!!!--> <leg> <!--OK, I made this one up...--> <footer> <?php echo (dungSift($_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT'], "ie"))?("Your foot is safe, but you might want to wear a hard hat!"):("<div class=\"shot\">BANG!</div>"); ?> </footer> </leg> </body> </html>modified on Tuesday, June 7, 2011 10:00 AM
-
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
-
Python You try to use
import foot; foot.shoot()only to realize that's only available in 3.0, to which you can't yet upgrade from 2.7 because of all those extension libs lacking support.but one question remain is: how to do it on Windows 98,xp,vista and 7? and how Skynet do it? send a terminator from the future to shoot it? XD
-
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Shooting yourself in the foot using delegates. You really need to shoot yourself in the foot but you hate firearms (you don't want any dependency on the specifics of shooting) so you delegate it to somebody else. You don't care how it is done as long is shooting your foot. You can do it asynchronously in case you know you may faint so you are called back/slapped in the face by your shooter/friend (or background worker) when everything is done. Cheers.
giuchici
-
Presumably a repost - but I never tire of it... C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. COBOL USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... BASIC Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. Forth Foot yourself in the shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Prolog You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. FORTRAN-77 You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you still can't do exception-processing. Modula-2 (alternative) You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. BASIC (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Forth (alternati
Hmm. This list needs some updates. I'll give it a crack. This is all original material: Apple OS/X and iOS Once a year, Steve Jobs returns from sick leave to tell millions of unwavering fans how they will be able to shoot themselves in the foot differently this year. They retweet and blog about it ad nauseam, and wait in line to be the first to experience "shoot different". Windows ME Usually fails, even at shooting you in the foot. Yo dawg, I heard you like shooting yourself in the foot. So I put a gun in your gun, so you can shoot yourself in the foot while you shoot yourself in the foot. (Okay, I'm not especially proud of this joke.) Windows 2000 Now you really do have to log in, before you are allowed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows XP You thought you learned your lesson: Don't use Windows ME. Then, along came this new creature, built on top of Windows NT! So you spend the next couple days installing antivirus software, patches and service packs, just so you can get that driver to install, and then proceed to shoot yourself in the foot. Windows Vista Newer! Glossier! Shootier! Windows 7 The bullets come out a lot smoother. Active Directory Each bullet now has an attached Bullet Identifier, and can be uniquely identified. Policies can be applied to dictate fragmentation, and the gun will occasionally have a confusing delay after the trigger has been pulled. Solaris Shoots best when used on SPARC hardware, but still runs the trigger GUI under Java. After weeks of learning the appropriate STOP command to prevent the trigger from automatically being pressed on boot, you think you've got it under control. Then the one time you ever use dtrace, it hits a bug that fires the gun. MySQL The feature that allows you to shoot yourself in the foot has been in development for about 6 years, and they are adding it into the next version, which is coming out REAL SOON NOW, promise! But you can always check it out of source control and try it yourself (just not in any environment where data integrity is important because it will probably explode.) PostgreSQL Allows you to have a smug look on your face while you shoot yourself in the foot, because those MySQL guys STILL don't have that feature. NoSQL Barrel? Who needs a barrel? Just put the bullet on your foot, and strike it with a hammer. See? It's so much simpler and more efficient that way. You can even strike multiple bullets in one swing if you swing with a good enough arc, because