Giving a youngster encouragement. How?
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Just tell her that Everyone does stuff like that when they are learning, it is perfectly normal and practice will always improve her driving. (Under no circumstances tell her the truth...That women are inherently dangerous behind the wheel, for no matter how hard they concentrate, at least 7% of their brains are thinking about shoes)
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
Dalek Dave wrote:
That women are inherently dangerous behind the wheel, for no matter how hard they concentrate, at least 7% of their brains are thinking about shoes
or that they absolutely need to have a cell phone jammed to their ear while driving. Seems like for american woman this is an absolute must.
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward." Kierkegaard, Søren
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Big mistake to try and teach your own kids: leave it to the pros.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
digital man wrote:
Big mistake to try and teach your own kids: leave it to the pros.
I'm not actually "teaching" her. She has a qualified instructor for that. My reasoning for going out with her is to give her practice between lessons. The DSA (driving standards agency) in the UK advocates at least 60 hours of driving before taking the driving test. 60 hours with an instructor is more than an arm and a leg! It's approx 1000 quid.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Tom Deketelaere wrote:
The way I see it, if your not good enough to teach your kids how to drive then your not good enough to drive yourself.
Dumb thing to say: at best a sweeping generalisation: I spent a year or 2 driving semi-professionally (Formula Ford, mostly) but still hesitated to take the kids out until the professional driving instructor felt they had sufficient confidence.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
Really? Why? I'll admit you don't take your kids out to drive on the highway or something like that the first time, but building the confidence of your kids can just as well be done by you as by a driving instructor.
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Driving instructors cannot teach "awareness", or "common sense". They can simply teach rules of the road and minimal vehicle handling. It's up to your daughter to "pay attention". The fewer in-car distractions there are, the more attention she can give to the task at hand. When you make mistakes, it's from a lack of experience. You gain experience from making mistakes. That's called "life". Believe me - she WILL NOT give up driving, but mistakes that she manages to survive will hopefully make her a better driver.
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
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You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
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"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997I think the biggest thing that has shattered her confidence is the fact that there wasn't much I could have done if another car had been coming. When she's with the instructor, she's in a dual control car so he has more chance of getting them out of trouble.
John Simmons / outlaw programmer wrote:
but mistakes that she manages to survive will hopefully make her a better driver.
I'm hoping that she survives them all! but I know what you mean. There's nothing like a few arse opening and closing events to make you more aware. :laugh:
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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I'm with norm on this one ;P On a serious note, let her know that you, just like everyone else also have made such mistake(s). You can be as experienced as you want to be, driving a car these days sometimes requires a bit of luck (like she had in the form of nobody else being around). Other than that, take her to practice on roads / places she knows well and feels safe. Driving on a road you'v never been before is always harder than driving on a road you see every day.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
Other than that, take her to practice on roads / places she knows well and feels safe.
Driving on a road you'v never been before is always harder than driving on a road you see every day.Good advice. Cheers.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Take here somewhere quiet and practice some simple manoeuvres with her - better still, get your other half to do it. Get her to drive there and back, and make it a quick run - say 20 minutes. A few of these will help to restore confidence - don't point out to her that she's done it without incident because she will be convinced that you are dwelling on her imperfections. Part of the lack of confidence is a teenagers natural belief that parents are being critical.
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility
Pete O'Hanlon wrote:
Part of the lack of confidence is a teenagers natural belief that parents are being critical.
Do you know what, that has never occurred to me. Cheers.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Benjamin Breeg wrote:
I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead.
Good job, Dad :).
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor.
You've got the right idea. That's exactly what I did with my daughter when I taught her how to drive four years ago. We started with her driving at the local fairgrounds and in an industrial park. After a while, if she felt up to it, she'd drive home from the practice area. Pretty soon she was driving every time we went somewhere together. Needless to say, she should get behind the wheel again as soon as possible so that her anxiety doesn't become permanent. I speak from experience; my sister-in-law had a rough moment when she was learning, and hasn't driven since. She's now 40 years old.
Software Zen:
delete this;Gary Wheeler wrote:
Needless to say, she should get behind the wheel again as soon as possible so that her anxiety doesn't become permanent.
This incident was last night. I've insisted that we go out tonight for a short while. The problem I have is I don't want the insistence for her to get behind the wheel to appear as nagging. We must all remember nagging parents, even when they were nagging for our own good.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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when you're in a hole, DD, quit digging ! 'g'
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Gary Wheeler wrote:
Needless to say, she should get behind the wheel again as soon as possible so that her anxiety doesn't become permanent.
This incident was last night. I've insisted that we go out tonight for a short while. The problem I have is I don't want the insistence for her to get behind the wheel to appear as nagging. We must all remember nagging parents, even when they were nagging for our own good.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
I think the fact that you're aware it could appear as nagging is sufficient to prevent it from being so.
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
We must all remember nagging parents, even when they were nagging for our own good.
Yeah. Fortunately I've never had to nag my kid very much. My daughter's sense of responsibility and work ethic is positively scary.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
Sounds like your are doing the right thing. It is good that it shook her up, it reinforces the seriousness of the risks in driving a motor vehicle. To me what’s more frightening is your signature … :omg:
It was broke, so I fixed it.
S Houghtelin wrote:
To me what’s more frightening is your signature … :OMG:
I'm an old rocker at heart!! see: http://www.last.fm/group/Iron+Maiden/forum/243/_/174141[^] and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Reincarnation_of_Benjamin_Breeg[^]
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
To be honest, eight hours is very little. The reason I say that is that it takes time for your presepctives to adjust - try to remember the sheer terror of 5MPH and now you try to stay awake doing 70! Also, learning to exercise the appropriate judgement, pick up the feel of the vehicle, judge speed easily takes a lot of time. That is why I was told by a fwe people to get at least 40 hours, preferably nearer 60, before taking my teset. This is to give you time for certain actions to become if not reflexive, automatic. For example I found even driving round an empty car park useful because I could lern to park in a bay correctly without the worry of hitting anything else. Basically, some settling in time even in empty car parks so she can adjust will do wonders. Let me know how she gets on. Elaine. :rose:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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Benjamin Breeg wrote:
My teenage daughter
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
Suggestions?
Take the keys off her :)
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
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That REALLY deserves a 1 which I gave it. :mad:
It’s not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it’s because we do not dare that things are difficult. ~Seneca
Be fair Annie, not all men are worse drivers than women. Adnittedly I'm waiting to see the exception to the rule. :)
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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The funniest thing is I saw a programme titled "The World's Worst Drivers" and No. 1 was a man. :smirk:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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To be honest, eight hours is very little. The reason I say that is that it takes time for your presepctives to adjust - try to remember the sheer terror of 5MPH and now you try to stay awake doing 70! Also, learning to exercise the appropriate judgement, pick up the feel of the vehicle, judge speed easily takes a lot of time. That is why I was told by a fwe people to get at least 40 hours, preferably nearer 60, before taking my teset. This is to give you time for certain actions to become if not reflexive, automatic. For example I found even driving round an empty car park useful because I could lern to park in a bay correctly without the worry of hitting anything else. Basically, some settling in time even in empty car parks so she can adjust will do wonders. Let me know how she gets on. Elaine. :rose:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
I completely agree with what you are saying. In one of my other posts I explained that the driving standards agency in the UK advocates at least 60 hours driving before taking the test. However, 60 hours with an instructor is more arms and legs than I can spare. It's upwards of a 1000 quid. So, to supplement her actual lessons with the instructor, I thought it would be a good idea for her to practise between lessons and so move on to that 60 hours behind the wheel.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Really? Why? I'll admit you don't take your kids out to drive on the highway or something like that the first time, but building the confidence of your kids can just as well be done by you as by a driving instructor.
Because I don't want to be showing them my way of doing things, even inadvertently, since that is no good for taking the test. Driving tests in the UK are very different from the same thing in the US. I got my US licence with, pretty much "Leave the parking lot and keep turning right until you get back". Driving in the US is very, very easy. Driving in the UK (and Europe) takes a lot more concentration, drivers are far more aggressive and the it is much more difficult. The driving instructor, essentially, teaches you how to pass the test and then you learn how to drive and I didn't want to interfere in that until they could almost drive on their own and then I was just a passive passenger whilst they got any practice they wanted.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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Because I don't want to be showing them my way of doing things, even inadvertently, since that is no good for taking the test. Driving tests in the UK are very different from the same thing in the US. I got my US licence with, pretty much "Leave the parking lot and keep turning right until you get back". Driving in the US is very, very easy. Driving in the UK (and Europe) takes a lot more concentration, drivers are far more aggressive and the it is much more difficult. The driving instructor, essentially, teaches you how to pass the test and then you learn how to drive and I didn't want to interfere in that until they could almost drive on their own and then I was just a passive passenger whilst they got any practice they wanted.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
(Don't know why you think I'm in the US but...) It could be tho that here (Belgium) taking driving classes isn't mandatory (at least not when I learned, don't know about now) and taking them is very costly, it is mandatory after 3 failed test I think. Passing the test however isn't easy, not because it's all that hard to do but because the centers just love to fail you so you have to fork over another X amount of money for the next test (you can believe me on this or not, (I passed first time if your wondering)). And your right driving in Europe / UK is a lot harder than in the US (although the time I drove in NY wasn't exactly a walk in the park neither). Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I'v seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it. In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
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(Don't know why you think I'm in the US but...) It could be tho that here (Belgium) taking driving classes isn't mandatory (at least not when I learned, don't know about now) and taking them is very costly, it is mandatory after 3 failed test I think. Passing the test however isn't easy, not because it's all that hard to do but because the centers just love to fail you so you have to fork over another X amount of money for the next test (you can believe me on this or not, (I passed first time if your wondering)). And your right driving in Europe / UK is a lot harder than in the US (although the time I drove in NY wasn't exactly a walk in the park neither). Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I'v seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it. In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
Don't know why you think I'm in the US but
My mistake: don't know why but I did think you were in the US. Sorry.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I've seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it.
Heartily agree with that: the point of lessons is to get you through the test: 5 minutes after passing you really start to learn to drive.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
Again, agreed.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Just get her back in the car. A little lack of self confidence is a good thing! We all make mistakes -- that's life. Self confidence is overrated. People who have a lot of self confidence don't pay attention, don't study, don't put in an extra effort, etc. The trick is not getting self confidence, it's being able to go back and do things again and continuing to put in the effort when you don't have self confidence! On a side note, the first time my oldest daughter drove with me she did great until she pulled into the driveway and hit my other car. I had to get both cars repaired, but we both survived.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
