Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • World
  • Users
  • Groups
Skins
  • Light
  • Cerulean
  • Cosmo
  • Flatly
  • Journal
  • Litera
  • Lumen
  • Lux
  • Materia
  • Minty
  • Morph
  • Pulse
  • Sandstone
  • Simplex
  • Sketchy
  • Spacelab
  • United
  • Yeti
  • Zephyr
  • Dark
  • Cyborg
  • Darkly
  • Quartz
  • Slate
  • Solar
  • Superhero
  • Vapor

  • Default (No Skin)
  • No Skin
Collapse
Code Project
  1. Home
  2. Other Discussions
  3. The Soapbox
  4. The vicar was hanging his kitchen curtains when...

The vicar was hanging his kitchen curtains when...

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Soapbox
22 Posts 8 Posters 0 Views 1 Watching
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • P Pete OHanlon

    You don't insert it, someone else inserts it for you.

    *pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington

    "Mind bleach! Send me mind bleach!" - Nagy Vilmos

    My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

    J Offline
    J Offline
    Jorgen Andersson
    wrote on last edited by
    #13

    Pete O'Hanlon wrote:

    You don't insert it, someone else inserts it for you.

    It doesn't make it sound more OK. Rather the opposite.

    Light moves faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak. List of common misconceptions

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • P Pete OHanlon

      You don't insert it, someone else inserts it for you.

      *pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington

      "Mind bleach! Send me mind bleach!" - Nagy Vilmos

      My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

      K Offline
      K Offline
      Keith Barrow
      wrote on last edited by
      #14

      So, let's get this straight: inserting things into one's own dirtybox isn't acceptable, but having others do so is ;P

      Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
      -Or-
      A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • L Lost User

        ... he fell on a potato[^]

        K Offline
        K Offline
        Keith Barrow
        wrote on last edited by
        #15

        ... hanging the curtains that is, not the potato thing oviously. Admit it- you read this out of prurient interest

        Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
        -Or-
        A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • P Pete OHanlon

          Gentlemen, the only acceptable item for inserting into your arse is enough bog roll to clean your arse - nothing else should gain access. Your pooh shoot should be one way traffic only.

          *pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington

          "Mind bleach! Send me mind bleach!" - Nagy Vilmos

          My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

          L Offline
          L Offline
          Lost User
          wrote on last edited by
          #16

          When I was about to have my appendix removed thee nurse bought me a little cardboard tray with a single latex glove, a small mound of clear jelly, and a very large pill before closing the curtains around the bed. What happened next was not easy, or pleasurable, and I wasn't sure exactly how far to stick the thing up, tried to sort of make my anus swallow, that wasn't working, tried using certain muscles for working it up but they didn't seem suited to the task either. So, I'm sat, rather uncomfortably, clenching. Then they bought me some flight socks to put on. Have you ever tried clenching whilst putting socks on? Those two things were definitely done the wrong way round.

          Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

          L 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • D Dalek Dave

            I would suggest one other exception to the rule. A Doctor's finger on a prostate check.

            --------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live

            K Offline
            K Offline
            Keith Barrow
            wrote on last edited by
            #17

            Dalek Dave wrote:

            A Doctor's finger on a prostate check.

            "Feel any tenderness?" "Only towards you" is not the correct answer...

            Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
            -Or-
            A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • D Dalek Dave

              You still have to be fairly compliant and rather involved with the process, I would see it more as a team effort.

              --------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live

              R Offline
              R Offline
              R Giskard Reventlov
              wrote on last edited by
              #18

              But why did he have his hands on your shoulders last time? :)

              "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • D Dalek Dave

                I would suggest one other exception to the rule. A Doctor's finger on a prostate check.

                --------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live

                R Offline
                R Offline
                R Giskard Reventlov
                wrote on last edited by
                #19

                Dalek Dave wrote:

                prostate check

                Vital to have this every year or so plus a PSA blood test. Also, check your nads regularly (No, not like that!). Sorry, don't mean to lecture but very important to look after your health.

                "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • L Lost User

                  When I was about to have my appendix removed thee nurse bought me a little cardboard tray with a single latex glove, a small mound of clear jelly, and a very large pill before closing the curtains around the bed. What happened next was not easy, or pleasurable, and I wasn't sure exactly how far to stick the thing up, tried to sort of make my anus swallow, that wasn't working, tried using certain muscles for working it up but they didn't seem suited to the task either. So, I'm sat, rather uncomfortably, clenching. Then they bought me some flight socks to put on. Have you ever tried clenching whilst putting socks on? Those two things were definitely done the wrong way round.

                  Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                  L Offline
                  L Offline
                  Lost User
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #20

                  ... Then said"wear the glove, smear the jelly on your abdomen and swallow the pill."

                  MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • L Lost User

                    ... he fell on a potato[^]

                    J Offline
                    J Offline
                    JimmyRopes
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #21

                    article quote

                    A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.[^]

                    Suspicions rose when the spud started to vibrate. :wtf: Really, in the nude, hanging curtains. :doh:

                    The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
                    Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
                    Think inside the box! ProActive Secure Systems
                    I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • D Dalek Dave

                      I would suggest one other exception to the rule. A Doctor's finger on a prostate check.

                      --------------------------------- I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] English League Tables - Live

                      J Offline
                      J Offline
                      JimmyRopes
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #22

                      Dalek Dave wrote:

                      A Doctor's finger on a prostate check.

                      Are you sure it was his finger. :confused:

                      The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
                      Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
                      Think inside the box! ProActive Secure Systems
                      I'm on-line therefore I am. JimmyRopes

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      Reply
                      • Reply as topic
                      Log in to reply
                      • Oldest to Newest
                      • Newest to Oldest
                      • Most Votes


                      • Login

                      • Don't have an account? Register

                      • Login or register to search.
                      • First post
                        Last post
                      0
                      • Categories
                      • Recent
                      • Tags
                      • Popular
                      • World
                      • Users
                      • Groups