Bad one liner jokes...
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You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I'll bang you on a table. I've got this life changing appointment at the bank this afternoon. I'm so nervous I can hardly get the stocking over my head. Me and my recliner go way back. I can hear music coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jammin' again. What time do you go to a dentist? Tooth hurty Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. Diarrhea is hereditory; it runs in your jeans. Wind turbines. I'm a huge fan. Ever had sex while camping? It's ****ing intents. A farmer had a wooden tractor, with wooden wheels and a wooden engine. And guess what... IT WOODEN GO! There's a new type of broom out. It's sweeping the nation What do you call a cow with no legs? Grounded beef What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE I'd hate to be a midget chef. The steaks are too high. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Just got back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers. People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that counts. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense. I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something. Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female overreaction! I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He's going to be pissed when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost. I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****! I swear medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like. My girlfriend left me because of my addiction to steroids. So I threw her car into a tree.
egenis wrote:
I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****!
LOL. I hadn't heard that one. :)
Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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egenis wrote:
I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****!
LOL. I hadn't heard that one. :)
Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
You need to get out more...
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I'll bang you on a table. I've got this life changing appointment at the bank this afternoon. I'm so nervous I can hardly get the stocking over my head. Me and my recliner go way back. I can hear music coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jammin' again. What time do you go to a dentist? Tooth hurty Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. Diarrhea is hereditory; it runs in your jeans. Wind turbines. I'm a huge fan. Ever had sex while camping? It's ****ing intents. A farmer had a wooden tractor, with wooden wheels and a wooden engine. And guess what... IT WOODEN GO! There's a new type of broom out. It's sweeping the nation What do you call a cow with no legs? Grounded beef What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE I'd hate to be a midget chef. The steaks are too high. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Just got back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers. People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that counts. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense. I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something. Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female overreaction! I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He's going to be pissed when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost. I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****! I swear medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like. My girlfriend left me because of my addiction to steroids. So I threw her car into a tree.
Two new jokes and only the first was funny. The rest deserve :thumbsdown:
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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Two new jokes and only the first was funny. The rest deserve :thumbsdown:
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
So down vote 'em! Oh, no - we can't! :laugh:
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
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You need to get out more...
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
If you remove the final word "more", then I think you've nailed it. :)
Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
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So down vote 'em! Oh, no - we can't! :laugh:
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
My only recourse is to go to member profile and 'report as spammer' then 'report as abuse'. I need those reps man, just one or two to see me through the day. It's not like I'm an addict, I just need the pick-me-up.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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My only recourse is to go to member profile and 'report as spammer' then 'report as abuse'. I need those reps man, just one or two to see me through the day. It's not like I'm an addict, I just need the pick-me-up.
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
Oh dear. This could get nasty...
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
-
You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I'll bang you on a table. I've got this life changing appointment at the bank this afternoon. I'm so nervous I can hardly get the stocking over my head. Me and my recliner go way back. I can hear music coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jammin' again. What time do you go to a dentist? Tooth hurty Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. Diarrhea is hereditory; it runs in your jeans. Wind turbines. I'm a huge fan. Ever had sex while camping? It's ****ing intents. A farmer had a wooden tractor, with wooden wheels and a wooden engine. And guess what... IT WOODEN GO! There's a new type of broom out. It's sweeping the nation What do you call a cow with no legs? Grounded beef What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE I'd hate to be a midget chef. The steaks are too high. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Just got back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers. People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that counts. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense. I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something. Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female overreaction! I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He's going to be pissed when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost. I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****! I swear medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like. My girlfriend left me because of my addiction to steroids. So I threw her car into a tree.
...a dyslexic walks into a bra...
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Oh dear. This could get nasty...
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
What could possibly go wrong? We're the only ones who know about it and I've already set up my suck-poppits to obliterate you...
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
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...a dyslexic walks into a bra...
hoernchenmeister wrote:
a dyslexic
Do you mean "a dyslectic"???
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
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Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
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Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932 -
You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I'll bang you on a table. I've got this life changing appointment at the bank this afternoon. I'm so nervous I can hardly get the stocking over my head. Me and my recliner go way back. I can hear music coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jammin' again. What time do you go to a dentist? Tooth hurty Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. Diarrhea is hereditory; it runs in your jeans. Wind turbines. I'm a huge fan. Ever had sex while camping? It's ****ing intents. A farmer had a wooden tractor, with wooden wheels and a wooden engine. And guess what... IT WOODEN GO! There's a new type of broom out. It's sweeping the nation What do you call a cow with no legs? Grounded beef What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE I'd hate to be a midget chef. The steaks are too high. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. Just got back from a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers. People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus. It's what's inside that counts. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense. I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something. Newton's third law of emotion: for every male action, there is a female overreaction! I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is. He's going to be pissed when he finds out how much the divorce is going to cost. I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia. ****! I swear medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like. My girlfriend left me because of my addiction to steroids. So I threw her car into a tree.
A lot of these were new to me, and some of them even funny! :thumbsup:
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
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Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
-----
Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
-----
Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932 -
hoernchenmeister wrote:
a dyslexic
Do you mean "a dyslectic"???
Why can't I be applicable like John? - Me, April 2011
-----
Beidh ceol, caint agus craic againn - Seán Bán Breathnach
-----
Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo!
-----
Just because a thing is new don’t mean that it’s better - Will Rogers, September 4, 1932No, dyslexic was right... I double checked the dictionary and it stated that both could be used though... Is dyslectic more common?
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No, dyslexic was right... I double checked the dictionary and it stated that both could be used though... Is dyslectic more common?
as common as bra. :)
Chris Meech I am Canadian. [heard in a local bar] In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. [Yogi Berra] posting about Crystal Reports here is like discussing gay marriage on a catholic church’s website.[Nishant Sivakumar]
-
So down vote 'em! Oh, no - we can't! :laugh:
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tinned pork then just delete it. It's Spam.
:laugh:
-
What could possibly go wrong? We're the only ones who know about it and I've already set up my suck-poppits to obliterate you...
Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett
