Why I hate "Friendly"
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Well, I have mixed feelings about what you said. First, I am from Brazil, but worked in NY for around two years, going back and forth from Brazil to US in this time period. What I felt was that NYers in general were much "colder" than people in Brazil. But that's ok, different cultures, different way people act towards each other. I thought though that people sometimes were not polite. Like meeting in the elevator hall Brazilians and myself usually say a simple "Good Morning" greeting. I rarely saw anyone there that would actually do that besides myself and I often wouldn't hear a good morning back. But, on the other hand, what I don't like about Brazil that I have to force myself into this false interest in someone else's life, otherwise I am seen as unfriendly compared to others here. I hate to demonstrate false interest and I had to start doing it in order to actually get collaboration from others. In that sense I wish Brazil was more like NY, I'd be thankful for that. In the end I go through the same thing you do, having to hear someone ask how I am and don't even wait for my reply or having a quick chit chat I don't want to have with people I don't care about and I know that don't care about me.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems - Homer Simpson ---- Our heads are round so our thoughts can change direction - Francis Picabia
Another reason you may have found NY'ers seeming cold is the cultural comfort distance. Each culture has a comfort distance for interaction when speaking/family/friends/business/strangers/not-speaking. Latin American and Asian countries, for example, often have a much closer comfort distance than US (and largest, apparently, UK). Thus, at a subconscious level, when in an environment where the distance differs significantly, there can be unintended signals. One steps back (to make their space), giving the impression they're unfriendly, whilst the other moves in (giving the impression of pushy). No conscious intentions. I actually learned to control the impulse - let the other person control the distance. Turns out to be much easier to get friendly. So, along with the verbal customs (about which I bitch), there's the subconscious "we" and "not we" going on. Bon Dia -
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
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Another reason you may have found NY'ers seeming cold is the cultural comfort distance. Each culture has a comfort distance for interaction when speaking/family/friends/business/strangers/not-speaking. Latin American and Asian countries, for example, often have a much closer comfort distance than US (and largest, apparently, UK). Thus, at a subconscious level, when in an environment where the distance differs significantly, there can be unintended signals. One steps back (to make their space), giving the impression they're unfriendly, whilst the other moves in (giving the impression of pushy). No conscious intentions. I actually learned to control the impulse - let the other person control the distance. Turns out to be much easier to get friendly. So, along with the verbal customs (about which I bitch), there's the subconscious "we" and "not we" going on. Bon Dia -
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
W∴ Balboos wrote:
cultural comfort distance.
Nice definition, I actually felt that and adapted through observation (like you said, I started to let the other person control the distance). So, after some time I felt at home.
W∴ Balboos wrote:
So, along with the verbal customs (about which I bitch), there's the subconscious "we" and "not we" going on.
Yeah, I hate that too, it's one of the things I liked about NY, had to deal with that a lot less. On another matter though, I found one curious thing that is fundamentally different from Brazil: I usually observed that groups were easily distinguishable. I would see asians hanging with asians, indians hanging with indians, americans with americans (sometimes racial separation within this group). I found it hard to establish a friendship relationship with americans, so most friends I made were actually europeans (not from GB) and latin americans (another distinguished group) which I believe, now that you said it, matched the cultural comfort distance. Bom dia :)
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems - Homer Simpson ---- Our heads are round so our thoughts can change direction - Francis Picabia
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They talk? Never noticed ...
Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello
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So I'm sitting here, at my desk, which looks outward as I don't like people looking over my shoulder. An employee (i.e, not part of IT) walks by and says "Hello, how are you". They keep walking, their head turned ahead, to their actual target person. No waiting for an answer; a nod; nothing. It's no a unique event. Neither is it unique to me (I know what too many of you were thinking!) It's as though they threw a coin in a toll-booth box. They really had no interest in how I was or wasn't. Some weird obligation as you pass any one of over seven billion people? WTF do they, then, need to bother me? At least dogs has the courtesy to smell one another's asses. I noticed this when I lived in rural places (WV, IL). When I did offer answers, I quickly learned they weren't listening (just say a toe got chopped off: no reaction). They say NY'ers are unfriendly. No - we're not. We just don't bother you if we don't give a damn about you. No pretense. Elephanting annoying, rude, thoughtless, and even insulting, this talking to someone so thoughtlessly. From the wise words of Alfred E. Newman: If you have nothing to say, don't say it.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
You need to review a subject called Transactional Analysis. What the other person was giving you is called a "Ritual Stroke". It is a way of saying "I recognize your existence", if you want. When you reply, you are returning the "ritual stroke", and no response should be expected after that as the "Transaction" is complete. People would rather get yelled at than be ignored. If you grew up in a densely populated location like New York, that would explain your feelings on this issue, as there would not be enough hours in a lifetime for all of the "Ritual Strokes". I suggest that if you are working, and the person breaks your concentration, let them know (in a polite manner) and they probably won't bother you again. :cool:
Angry old men need recognition, work opportunities, and young girls to flirt with too!
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You need to review a subject called Transactional Analysis. What the other person was giving you is called a "Ritual Stroke". It is a way of saying "I recognize your existence", if you want. When you reply, you are returning the "ritual stroke", and no response should be expected after that as the "Transaction" is complete. People would rather get yelled at than be ignored. If you grew up in a densely populated location like New York, that would explain your feelings on this issue, as there would not be enough hours in a lifetime for all of the "Ritual Strokes". I suggest that if you are working, and the person breaks your concentration, let them know (in a polite manner) and they probably won't bother you again. :cool:
Angry old men need recognition, work opportunities, and young girls to flirt with too!
A greeting is recognition. A question implies the need for an answer. As for Transnational Analysis, or any other psych-related Gobble-D-Gook, it's mostly a crock - like a good horoscope: seems to fit well enough to convince (some) to believe it. A question implies a request for an answer - and just walking on buy (which shows one doesn't care to listen) is rude, thoughtless, and a ritual stroke with sandpaper. (Have you noticed I've a non-positive bias towards physiological tombs, psychologists, and other charlatans?)
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
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So I'm sitting here, at my desk, which looks outward as I don't like people looking over my shoulder. An employee (i.e, not part of IT) walks by and says "Hello, how are you". They keep walking, their head turned ahead, to their actual target person. No waiting for an answer; a nod; nothing. It's no a unique event. Neither is it unique to me (I know what too many of you were thinking!) It's as though they threw a coin in a toll-booth box. They really had no interest in how I was or wasn't. Some weird obligation as you pass any one of over seven billion people? WTF do they, then, need to bother me? At least dogs has the courtesy to smell one another's asses. I noticed this when I lived in rural places (WV, IL). When I did offer answers, I quickly learned they weren't listening (just say a toe got chopped off: no reaction). They say NY'ers are unfriendly. No - we're not. We just don't bother you if we don't give a damn about you. No pretense. Elephanting annoying, rude, thoughtless, and even insulting, this talking to someone so thoughtlessly. From the wise words of Alfred E. Newman: If you have nothing to say, don't say it.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
W∴ Balboos wrote:
From the wise words of Alfred E. Newman: If you have nothing to say, don't say it.
"It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die." His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up. After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.” --Douglas Adams
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Marc Clifton wrote:
I'm up near Albany.
I live in Schenectady, near Colonie.
Slacker007 wrote:
I live in Schenectady
Y'all take a class to learn how to spell that? Good grief!
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So I'm sitting here, at my desk, which looks outward as I don't like people looking over my shoulder. An employee (i.e, not part of IT) walks by and says "Hello, how are you". They keep walking, their head turned ahead, to their actual target person. No waiting for an answer; a nod; nothing. It's no a unique event. Neither is it unique to me (I know what too many of you were thinking!) It's as though they threw a coin in a toll-booth box. They really had no interest in how I was or wasn't. Some weird obligation as you pass any one of over seven billion people? WTF do they, then, need to bother me? At least dogs has the courtesy to smell one another's asses. I noticed this when I lived in rural places (WV, IL). When I did offer answers, I quickly learned they weren't listening (just say a toe got chopped off: no reaction). They say NY'ers are unfriendly. No - we're not. We just don't bother you if we don't give a damn about you. No pretense. Elephanting annoying, rude, thoughtless, and even insulting, this talking to someone so thoughtlessly. From the wise words of Alfred E. Newman: If you have nothing to say, don't say it.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010
This reminds me of that Budweiser commercial from a few Superbowls back. The scene was a bar somewhere in NYC, I'm guessing Brooklyn. A guy walks in, the barkeep says "How you doin'?" and the newcomer repeats back, "How you doin'?", goes to a seat. Another guy comes in, and the pleasantries are repeated. Then a third guy with a cowboy hat comes in, but when they barkeep says "How you doin'?" the obviously Southern dude answer "Why, I'm doin' fine, thanks for asking. I just got in today at the airport, and mighty big airport y'all have, and ..." and goes on and on, while the barkeep and other guys look at each other with obvious WTF looks on their faces."
If you think 'goto' is evil, try writing an Assembly program without JMP.
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Slacker007 wrote:
I live in Schenectady
Y'all take a class to learn how to spell that? Good grief!
Schenectady, New York - Wikipedia[^] Please tell me you are not some hill-billy inbreeding slob from our country's worst parts.
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Does Marc live in Clifton Park? I work in Albany but commute from Vermont.
Roland M Smith wrote:
Does Marc live in Clifton Park?
Haha, no, in Philmont. But my gf used to go to a dentist is Clifton Park. ;)
Roland M Smith wrote:
I work in Albany but commute from Vermont.
Hmmm, depending on where, that could be quite the commute! I work M-W in Glenmont, if you ever want to get to together for lunch, let me know! Marc
Latest Article - Create a Dockerized Python Fiddle Web App Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
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Marc Clifton wrote:
I'm up near Albany.
I live in Schenectady, near Colonie.
Slacker007 wrote:
I live in Schenectady, near Colonie.
I work M-W in Glenmont. Let me know if you ever want to get together for lunch! Marc
Latest Article - Create a Dockerized Python Fiddle Web App Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
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Roland M Smith wrote:
Does Marc live in Clifton Park?
Haha, no, in Philmont. But my gf used to go to a dentist is Clifton Park. ;)
Roland M Smith wrote:
I work in Albany but commute from Vermont.
Hmmm, depending on where, that could be quite the commute! I work M-W in Glenmont, if you ever want to get to together for lunch, let me know! Marc
Latest Article - Create a Dockerized Python Fiddle Web App Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
I live in Proctor Vermont - it is 109 miles each way. I work at the NY State Government complex near UAlbany. I have a new job lined up starting in 3 weeks. Work from home for first 6 months then move to Virginia.