Refactoring the soul
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
Yes, I can totally relate. The interesting part is that I'm working less now, having more fun at work. And still I get a lot more done.
Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello
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C senor :)
Got my site back up after my time in the woods! JaxCoder.com
Sheeet! I cut my programming teeth in 7th grade on one of those. Wrote a Star Trek game -- 10x10 grid that printed on a teletype each turn. A couple starbases, the Romulan neutral zone, bad guys. Those were the days! :-D
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
I can relate this this and it is possible to recover from these sorts of experiences. I don't necessarily think that you are over-sensitive - I just think that life has a habit of sometimes putting things in our way that can harm us and spending 8 hours a day working with others is pretty much a guarantee that you are going to work with someone who may want to cause you harm or at least not care if they cause you harm. What I found really helped me was CBT - in its most basic form it's a distraction technique and really helped me to deal with the habit of dwelling on bad work experiences from the past(it's not a magic cure but it's the best thing I have found so far to help with depression), in its more advanced form it's a tool for putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and changing your response to them.
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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I had my share of stress too, but I think it is almost unavoidable in our line of business. When things get complicated, which they always do in IT, people get stressed and that brings out the worst in some people. But what I personally found much worse than stress is being unemployed, which I experienced several times. :wtf:
RickZeeland wrote:
When things get complicated, which they always do in IT, people get stressed and that brings out the worst in some people.
I'm working in IT because the work in itself is relatively stress-free :) You have complete control of the environment (admin on your PC), there's a VCS with a history of changes, and each change is small and testable. Stress is sometimes introduced on purpose; makes the crowd more active, more alive. And it is as easy as promising early delivery. I do not feel the need to keep someone else's promise. If there is stress, the first thing I'll do is go outside for a relaxing smoke. People who are pumping adrenaline are not the greatest thinkers. Step back, relax, and fix it.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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RickZeeland wrote:
When things get complicated, which they always do in IT, people get stressed and that brings out the worst in some people.
I'm working in IT because the work in itself is relatively stress-free :) You have complete control of the environment (admin on your PC), there's a VCS with a history of changes, and each change is small and testable. Stress is sometimes introduced on purpose; makes the crowd more active, more alive. And it is as easy as promising early delivery. I do not feel the need to keep someone else's promise. If there is stress, the first thing I'll do is go outside for a relaxing smoke. People who are pumping adrenaline are not the greatest thinkers. Step back, relax, and fix it.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Quote:
I'm working in IT because the work in itself is relatively stress-free
I think you watched too many episodes of "Utopia" :laugh:
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Quote:
I'm working in IT because the work in itself is relatively stress-free
I think you watched too many episodes of "Utopia" :laugh:
RickZeeland wrote:
I think you watched too many episodes of "Utopia" :laugh:
No, seriously. That doesn't mean that I did not have my share of PBH's who assumed it would help to motivate me by applying deadlines and guaranteed deliverables; but I did have some fun annoying them before moving on. Go stress your surgeon if you think it helps and let me do the work I studied and am paid for :thumbsup:
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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I can relate this this and it is possible to recover from these sorts of experiences. I don't necessarily think that you are over-sensitive - I just think that life has a habit of sometimes putting things in our way that can harm us and spending 8 hours a day working with others is pretty much a guarantee that you are going to work with someone who may want to cause you harm or at least not care if they cause you harm. What I found really helped me was CBT - in its most basic form it's a distraction technique and really helped me to deal with the habit of dwelling on bad work experiences from the past(it's not a magic cure but it's the best thing I have found so far to help with depression), in its more advanced form it's a tool for putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and changing your response to them.
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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RickZeeland wrote:
When things get complicated, which they always do in IT, people get stressed and that brings out the worst in some people.
I'm working in IT because the work in itself is relatively stress-free :) You have complete control of the environment (admin on your PC), there's a VCS with a history of changes, and each change is small and testable. Stress is sometimes introduced on purpose; makes the crowd more active, more alive. And it is as easy as promising early delivery. I do not feel the need to keep someone else's promise. If there is stress, the first thing I'll do is go outside for a relaxing smoke. People who are pumping adrenaline are not the greatest thinkers. Step back, relax, and fix it.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You have complete control of the environment (admin on your PC),
Not always... :doh: :sigh:
M.D.V. ;) If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about? Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You have complete control of the environment (admin on your PC),
Not always... :doh: :sigh:
M.D.V. ;) If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about? Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Without it, expect some unexpected delays :)
Like 3 Weeks to be able to install VS2017 Pro? :sigh: :sigh: Luckily enough, a bug in the installations package from the domain forced them to give me local admin level
M.D.V. ;) If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about? Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
Not claiming it's as bad as working for psychos, but working for people who totally ignore your work and its contribution to the business and ignore your advice (when they even bother to ask for it) can be as demoralising in the long-term. They complain that our web site isn't as 'wizzy' as the latest wiz apps online totally ignoring that it was built on Java Faces back when that was considered - by some (mainly @Oracle) to be all-singing-all-dancing, and purchased from a third party vendor. And we don't have access to any Java development software or a Java compiler. I try to contribute, I really do, but I'm losing the will to live..... :^)
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
yes. Work is another form of relationship. There have been a number of realisation for myself when watching some drama about "why does she/he not just leave she/he if they are so unhappy?" and think, wow my job is like that, why do I keep going in? And some similarities when long term couples see the surface level of another couple (job opportunity) and think wow, that looks like a great couple. Why are we not like that. I will leave article which I found a few helpful points [How to Slow Down to Go Faster Than Ever in Software Development](https://www.infoq.com/articles/slow-down-go-faster)
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Mike Hankey wrote:
Then I had to take paperwork home because he would go through my desk at night and take papers.
:omg: Why wasn't he fired? Though, that was the question I asked myself every day at these previous jobs. The answer to one was old school corporate mentality, the other was basically "drinking buddies on the CEO's boat and neighbor of the CEO's brother." Talk about a conflict of interest.
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
Marc Clifton wrote:
Why wasn't he fired? Though, that was the question I asked myself every day at these previous jobs. The answer to one was old school corporate mentality, the other was basically "drinking buddies on the CEO's boat and neighbor of the CEO's brother."
Exactly. I've been in a couple of situations where a complete idiot could not get fired 'cuz they had buddies in the stratosphere. It didn't matter how badly they screwed up. Like in Wargames, the only way to win is to not play the game. Ya move on to a better place.
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Previous boss would stroll in at 9:30/10ish, fall asleep in his office and leave around 3. My normal day was get in around 6:30/7ish, leave around 4:30/5ish. He came over to my desk one day at lunch and "caught" me slacking off reading the news. Treated me like garbage from that point on no matter how good of a job I did, how much money I saved the company, etc. Years have passed and I haven't had any contact with him and I still get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I leave at noon on a Friday after I've already put in 45-50 hours for the week. Current job is tanking the confidence I have in my own decision making abilities because everything has to go up the chain, even some of the simplest stuff like "Can I take a day to go to a vendor conference that I was invited to speak at? No cost to the company and free publicity in our industry." takes two weeks as it goes through 3-4 levels to get a decision. :sigh:
Just ask for time off. Why do you need to give a reason/destination? Only use your personal contact information with a generic "industry" resume that omits your current employer. If they don't want the publicity, don't give it to them. If they do want the publicity, it should not count against your vacation.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
One caveat; just like any drug, some people just crave the adrenaline rush that goes with high-pressure work. (I lump the abusive bosses/constant pressure in the same category). Not sure I'm expressing what I'm thinking properly. I'm not saying that's a good or healthy thing. I'm just saying some people get almost addicted to the stress. I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment, Marc. It's amazing what can be accomplished when an organization hires smart people and empowers them to do good things as an alternative philosophy. In short, for less-experienced people: bad situations are not worth it. If you're in a situation where you hate getting out of bed in the morning, start looking.
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RJOberg wrote:
Can I take a day to go to a vendor conference that I was invited to speak at? No cost to the company and free publicity in our industry
I can understand why that needs high level approval, there is substantial reputational risk to the organisation involved in public presentations. You may be confident and capable in your subject matter but management actually needs to look at a wider picture. So it is not your decision making capability that is in question (after all you have already made that recommendation to management)
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity - RAH I'm old. I know stuff - JSOP
That's all true and I agree with all of it but that example was probably the highest profile occurrence. In normal instances it can be something as simple as sending an email to another department and running it past two levels of management. In the example, I think the part that really got me was the person who finally approved my request did so by stating, "Of course he can go! No he doesn't need to take time off, we'll pay for his time, why are you even bothering me with this question?" Honestly, the level of red tape is one root problem and not trusting their employees is another.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
Job related stress can produce serious effects, and recovery can take years. You are far from alone in this.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
i was at an abusive job for 19 years, i didn't realize how bad it was until i started telling my new coworkers stories about the old shop.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802
Oh absolutely. My experience at work from 2010-2015 was consecutively horrible. I too had a psychopathic boss. My previous career from 1978-2009 was pretty comfortable. Just the usual project death marches and stuff. It was so bad it left me shellshocked. It interfered with my interviewing for new jobs, caused me to ask questions that probably disqualified me as a candidate. I ended up retiring to write geeky books on C++ and experiment with all the software I never had time to try out when I was employed.
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In previous job, I spent two years being almost daily criticized and abused my senior management. In the job prior to that, I spent 2 years working under a psychopath -- he should run for POTUS, very similar traits. Prior to that (now 4 years back) life was blissful with the contract work I was doing. I realized yesterday, after 3 months at this lovely new job, those last 4 years left me feeling psychologically damaged. I expect criticism, cringe when the manager or CEO walks in, stress if I take longer than 30 minutes for lunch, etc. Perhaps it's just me, being overly sensitive, yada-yada, but I'm curious if others have realized that they need to heal from traumatic work experiences?
Latest Article - Web Frameworks - A Solution Looking for a Problem? Learning to code with python is like learning to swim with those little arm floaties. It gives you undeserved confidence and will eventually drown you. - DangerBunny Artificial intelligence is the only remedy for natural stupidity. - CDP1802