Chronic low self-esteem?
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Chris Losinger wrote: strong drinks Yah, and that's part of the problem I'm sure. I've just determined recently that alcohol is a trigger for some rather unpleasant reactions in my gut. I have a cellar full of wine, and a bar filled with a nice collection of single-malts. :mad: J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
Jamie Hale wrote: I have a cellar full of wine, and a bar filled with a nice collection of single-malts. If you'd like I'll e-mail you my home address. You can ship me your wine and spirits and I'll "hold" them for you. ;)
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching. -
Putting what in perspective? The things I can and cannot change? J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
The things you currently think are important enough to cause stress and self doubt. People often go tunnel vision on things that aren't right and forget they are totally outweighed by the good. cheers, Chris Maunder
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Paul Lyons wrote: What a long, strange trip it's been. - Robert Hunter The Grateful Dead ("Truckin'") Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
Christopher Duncan wrote: The Grateful Dead ("Truckin'") Quite right! But who wrote the lyrics for almost all of the Dead's songs? That's right... Robert Hunter[^] ;P
Paul Lyons, CCPL
Certified Code Project Lurker
What a long, strange trip it's been - Robert Hunter
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Christopher Duncan wrote: The Grateful Dead ("Truckin'") Quite right! But who wrote the lyrics for almost all of the Dead's songs? That's right... Robert Hunter[^] ;P
Paul Lyons, CCPL
Certified Code Project Lurker
What a long, strange trip it's been - Robert Hunter
Paul Lyons wrote: Quite right! But who wrote the lyrics for almost all of the Dead's songs? That's right... Robert Hunter[^] Doh! :-O Can't believe I missed that! My bad... Chistopher Duncan Author - The Career Programmer: Guerilla Tactics for an Imperfect World (Apress)
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Jamie Hale wrote: However, I've been happily married for 5 years now, and have a beautiful daughter. Women aren't the problem. Or at least not the major problem. Sorry if I jumped in late I did not read the gazillion replies... Jamie Hale wrote: The issue is that I find myself thinking (almost knowing) that I'm better than everyone else. Mostly at my job, but at other things in life too. I don't like this feeling, and attribute it to a lack of self-confidence. :confused: I have the same feelings and I attribrute it to a lot of self-confidence. John
John M. Drescher wrote: Sorry if I jumped in late I did not read the gazillion replies... It didn't come out in the thread. :) John M. Drescher wrote: I have the same feelings and I attribrute it to a lot of self-confidence. Interesting. :) I've been working on a reply to this for the better part of the afternoon. I'm going to have to mail it home and think a bit more. :) J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
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Jamie, While I don't consider myself to be a religous person... I learned the serenity prayer attending Alateen[^] as a teenager. The key here is to continually remind yourself that there is only so much in life that you have direct control over. Anyway, the real reason for the reply is to ask if you've ever been screened for depression[^]? (I don't mean to imply anything. Just a thought.) I too had the same problem! Long story short, Major Depression can manifest itself in many ways... I am proof the there is better living through chemicals :laugh:. p.s. Alice's Resturant -> There's a blast from the past :-O Man, I'm getting old!
Paul Lyons, CCPL
Certified Code Project Lurker
What a long strange trip it's been - Robert Hunter
I've been thinking a bunch about the serenity prayer. I have more thinking to do, but that's probably how this whole thing will get resolved. As far as depression goes, I read some stuff on that site you posted. Plus, the last time this came around, I read a whole bunch more. If I'm not mistaken, I'm not depressed. It's only a short-term thing (a month at the most), and while I've experienced a few of the symptoms mentioned (guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest), they're never as bad as they describe. For instance, the loss of interest really only applies to certain aspects of my life - work mostly. My interests just shift to something else. Last time I read a lot about the influence of technology on society. This time, it seems to be the history of philosophy. When I'm clear of this, I'll probably be back to reading my usual collection of technology crap. :) The hopelessness is only for certain aspects of my life as well - last time I got to worrying about the environment and how it really doesn't matter whether or not I recycle my juice jugs when I work for a company that produces nuclear waste! :) Anyways, as I mentioned in another thread someplace, my wife's health insurance starts up again in the fall. I'll probably end up finding a local therapist and just run a few things by them. Just to satisfy myself that it's a personality problem and nothing more. Regarding Alice's Restaurant, I grew up on it. I think I still have my father's copy on vinyl. :) Words to live by. :) J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
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"...to bury the bodies of those who get in my way where they'll never be found..."
Shog9
drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds...
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Chris Losinger wrote: strong drinks Yah, and that's part of the problem I'm sure. I've just determined recently that alcohol is a trigger for some rather unpleasant reactions in my gut. I have a cellar full of wine, and a bar filled with a nice collection of single-malts. :mad: J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
Jamie Hale wrote: just determined recently that alcohol is a trigger for some rather unpleasant reactions in my gut me too. but, through the magic of medicine (Prevacid) i can eat nearly anything. -c To vote with no response is to follow the way of the coward.
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Jamie Hale wrote: Are you suggesting that I shouldn't complain about it? Low-self esteem is too broad a brush. Try to look for the details. If you're sad that you're too short or too tall. Move on - it can't be changed so there is no point worrying about it. If you're sad that you're too fat or too thin than start doing something about it. It can be changed so make it better. If it's less physical and more "virtual" like: I don't like my housing situation, employment, social life, etc... than it's time to start taking some chances or big moves on the way to self improvement. If it's a general sense of "blah" without any specifics attached that's lasted for more than a few weeks, than I'd see a doctor about low level depression. A few months of Prozac or Paxil might just do the trick. Jamie Hale wrote: Just keep it all to myself? Nope - talking about problems and issues is almost always beneficial, just try not to stress or become depressed about things that cannot change. What's the point?
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.Do you have a book or website you can recommend that has some of this documented. I pretty much fine with everything, I know where my problems arer. It's with my wofe's inability to cope with anything at all. Drug, psychiatrists and talking to me do nothing. Everything is everyboby elses fault and I would like to read up on somne shit to see if I can help her turn it around. Cause if I don't we as a family won't be able too. Michael Martin Australia "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002
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Anyone else here suffer from this? What do you do to cope? J
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant."
As a teenager, I think I probably fall into one of the worst-affected age groups for low self-esteem... Two things I do, one short-term (but works really well), and one long-term (much harder than it sounds, but the ultimate solution). Short-term: Find some form of meditation that works for you, and do it. Mine is simple... I find some time, lie down on my bed, close my eyes, and try to just consciously experience all the sensations of the simple situation. The touch of the bed, any sounds, any air currents... There's so much to take in, that you can't take it all in and still think of anything. It really helps to blank your mind sometimes - think of it as a full reboot, or a warm reboot (if you only do it for about half a minute, but it doesn't work until you're more experienced with the technique). If it works, there will be some sort of tell-tale... for me, it's that everything looks sharper and clearer for a little while. After a session of this (whether a minute, 5 minutes, or half an hour), I find that it's much easier to evaluate yourself honestly outside of the normal self-criticizing negative light, and see the positive things about yourself for once. If this specific form of meditation doesn't work for you, see if you can find your own personal form that does work (I recommend the book "The Miracle of Mindfulness" as a source of ideas and possibly overall contentment). Long-term: Well, your long-term solution depends on the source of your lower self-esteem. If you can nail down a cause, then that's a good thing. You know the old joke - Patient: "Doctor, it hurts when I do this! *ouch*..." Doctor: "Don't do that." - Corny, to be sure, but honestly pretty accurate. If you find a clear cause, then you have two main options: learn to accept it and move on (probably one of the most deceptively simple things to do), or avoid it as much as you can. Now, if you can't nail down a chronic cause, truly chronic low self-esteem without any apparent cause is often the main symptom of depression, so in this situation it can never hurt to get yourself evaluated. I know far too many people who've come way too close to permanent damage to themselves (whether physical or emotional) through untreated depression, triggered by whatever cause. The short-term solution really helps, I've found... But all this is just me. Take this as just another set of ideas, and build off any, all, or none of the ideas that have been given to find what works for you. Eric
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Do you have a book or website you can recommend that has some of this documented. I pretty much fine with everything, I know where my problems arer. It's with my wofe's inability to cope with anything at all. Drug, psychiatrists and talking to me do nothing. Everything is everyboby elses fault and I would like to read up on somne shit to see if I can help her turn it around. Cause if I don't we as a family won't be able too. Michael Martin Australia "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002
Michael Martin wrote: Do you have a book or website you can recommend that has some of this documented. Nope, sorry - I was just speaking from my own perspective. Michael Martin wrote: It's with my wife's inability to cope with anything at all. I've learned how to help my wife with some of the things I've outlined to Jamie. She used to be very closed about her feelings and problems, now I can't shut her up. Taking the time to really talk was the key for us. Michael Martin wrote: to see if I can help her turn it around. Cause if I don't we as a family won't be able too. Sorry to hear that.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching. -
Michael Martin wrote: Do you have a book or website you can recommend that has some of this documented. Nope, sorry - I was just speaking from my own perspective. Michael Martin wrote: It's with my wife's inability to cope with anything at all. I've learned how to help my wife with some of the things I've outlined to Jamie. She used to be very closed about her feelings and problems, now I can't shut her up. Taking the time to really talk was the key for us. Michael Martin wrote: to see if I can help her turn it around. Cause if I don't we as a family won't be able too. Sorry to hear that.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.Mike Mullikin wrote: Sorry to hear that. I don't mean that we will cease to be a family. Just that we won't be a fully functional family until we stop hemmoraging financially and get our own place again. I'm 34 had a house at 22, paid 10% of the debt in the first 12 months and since then have lost the house, have no assets and now take home less per fortnight than I did per week just a couple of years ago. Also have $10k in debt that is unsecured. I'm not the same person I was due to the situation and my wife just can't see that her constant spending of our money is a problem. I just need to get a real job again. But when I was on the big money and living with the in-laws the big money we were saving wasn't used to pay off debt. It was fed into pokies. She has a problem with stress and gambling but won't admit it. I'm trying to help her through this. Michael Martin Australia "I personally love it because I can get as down and dirty as I want on the backend, while also being able to dabble with fun scripting and presentation games on the front end." - Chris Maunder 15/07/2002