Conundrum
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
[personal rant]I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of friends and family giving out my "free" help out to their friends (and even people they meet on the street) that when they say the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but I have told such and such that you would help them out." I immediately tell them, "I do mind. Tell them to call [insert local college or computer shop here]". If they have already given my phone number out ( this really irks me ), I just tell the stranger that starts calling the same thing until they stop calling. After 4 years I finally have my family and friends trained not to give out my name and number without asking me first. I don't mind helping a friend out or even a friend's friend if i have control over who it is and when I help them. I have actually had people yell at me over the phone because I wouldn't help them out for free because my Aunt or Friend told them I would![/rant] [ontopic] Getting back to your situation, you just need to learn to say no. Put your foot down, otherwise you will burn yourself out and it will stress your friendships out to the point where you will avoid talking to them (it did to me until I started saying no). In the end, saying no is much better for you. Remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should (provide computer support that is). [/ontopic] My code isn't buggy. Those are all fleatures.
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[personal rant]I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of friends and family giving out my "free" help out to their friends (and even people they meet on the street) that when they say the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but I have told such and such that you would help them out." I immediately tell them, "I do mind. Tell them to call [insert local college or computer shop here]". If they have already given my phone number out ( this really irks me ), I just tell the stranger that starts calling the same thing until they stop calling. After 4 years I finally have my family and friends trained not to give out my name and number without asking me first. I don't mind helping a friend out or even a friend's friend if i have control over who it is and when I help them. I have actually had people yell at me over the phone because I wouldn't help them out for free because my Aunt or Friend told them I would![/rant] [ontopic] Getting back to your situation, you just need to learn to say no. Put your foot down, otherwise you will burn yourself out and it will stress your friendships out to the point where you will avoid talking to them (it did to me until I started saying no). In the end, saying no is much better for you. Remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should (provide computer support that is). [/ontopic] My code isn't buggy. Those are all fleatures.
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Nic Rowan wrote: Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Are you saying I should set them on fire? :~
Support Bone
That's how we do it here in SA :) Just kidding. ;p Ag, it's just a play on the give a man a fish proverb.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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yeah and then go and see a film afterwards....;P
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, a sore thumb you will have."
Philip Fitzsimons wrote: yeah and then go and see a film afterwards.... ...and offer to drive her home after the film, and/or walk her to her doorstep if it's late. :rolleyes: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Memory leaks is the price we pay \0 01234567890123456789012345678901234
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That's how we do it here in SA :) Just kidding. ;p Ag, it's just a play on the give a man a fish proverb.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Nick Seng wrote: Hey Shog,you're sig's overflowing!! Yes, my posts are now filled to bursting with sig goodness. :)
Shog9 --
Exchanging a walk-on part in the War
for the lead role in a Cage
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A friend of mine just recommended me his friend, who's student doing her final project in Computer Science. She's having some problems with project and my friend recommended me as someone who might be able to sort out her problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people with their problems, in fact, that's one of the best things to being a CPian, you get to help people. The problem is, in the past, when I've helped people in their project, I usually end doing a large part of the project. I'm dreading that this will be the same case. I've a problem saying no in RL, especially to a member of the opposite sex and when they come up with a good sob story with the appropriate facial expression(e.g. I'll fail the course if I don't get an A, my parents hope will die and so on) So, what I need is a little advice. How do I deal with it if(when?) the situation arises?
Support Bone
If she's a swallower, I say go for it. ------- signature starts "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 "You won't like me when I'm angry..." - Dr. Bruce Banner Please review the Legal Disclaimer in my bio. ------- signature ends
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Hehe, I know that kind of people quite good. Helping students can be simple, if you know how to handle them: 3. Answer some eMails after two or three days. That's enough time for the student to try it alone. 4. Send her links to websites about the problem. "Take a look at that, there's a lot of background info..." will help more than ten lines of ready-to-use code (and keep the student busy). 5. Never meet her in places like coffee shops! Because, after that you're not "just another teacher, a guy who knows everything", no, you'll be "the nice guy, who helps me with the project. Sure he won't bother to meet me again..." :laugh: coco
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[personal rant]I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of friends and family giving out my "free" help out to their friends (and even people they meet on the street) that when they say the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but I have told such and such that you would help them out." I immediately tell them, "I do mind. Tell them to call [insert local college or computer shop here]". If they have already given my phone number out ( this really irks me ), I just tell the stranger that starts calling the same thing until they stop calling. After 4 years I finally have my family and friends trained not to give out my name and number without asking me first. I don't mind helping a friend out or even a friend's friend if i have control over who it is and when I help them. I have actually had people yell at me over the phone because I wouldn't help them out for free because my Aunt or Friend told them I would![/rant] [ontopic] Getting back to your situation, you just need to learn to say no. Put your foot down, otherwise you will burn yourself out and it will stress your friendships out to the point where you will avoid talking to them (it did to me until I started saying no). In the end, saying no is much better for you. Remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should (provide computer support that is). [/ontopic] My code isn't buggy. Those are all fleatures.
