Hilarious Court Cases
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These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________________________________________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _______________________________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
Aamir Butt wrote: Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere LOL :laugh: :laugh: -- LuisR
Luis Alonso Ramos Intelectix - Chihuahua, Mexico Not much here: My CP Blog!
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Aamir Butt wrote: Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? This is a stupid question indeed. :laugh: Aamir Butt wrote: Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :) Weiye Chen Life is hard, yet we are made of flesh...
Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. Aah yes, but the person's answer specifically used "He" ;)
Ryan
"Punctuality is only a virtue for those who aren't smart enough to think of good excuses for being late" John Nichol "Point Of Impact"
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These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________________________________________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _______________________________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
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Aamir Butt wrote: Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? This is a stupid question indeed. :laugh: Aamir Butt wrote: Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :) Weiye Chen Life is hard, yet we are made of flesh...
Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :confused: Are you sure? AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
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Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :confused: Are you sure? AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
Genetics play a large role in it (as with everything). Locally we have have some middle-aged women with stubble. :~
Ðavid Wulff The Royal Woofle Museum
Audioscrobbler :: flickrDie Freiheit spielt auf allen Geigen
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Aamir Butt wrote: Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? This is a stupid question indeed. :laugh: Aamir Butt wrote: Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :) Weiye Chen Life is hard, yet we are made of flesh...
Weiye Chen wrote: I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. Yeah, this Picture Support above Statement http://tiedyedbrainrays.typepad.com/blog/images/dw2a.jpg[^] :-D
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
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Aamir Butt wrote: Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? This is a stupid question indeed. :laugh: Aamir Butt wrote: Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :) Weiye Chen Life is hard, yet we are made of flesh...
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Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :confused: Are you sure? AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
indeed. "echo three to echo seven... Han, old buddy, do you read me?"
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Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :confused: Are you sure? AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
I used to work at a grocery store in rural NC (part of the US) and about once a month a lady would come in who often pointed out that she was trying to "grow out her beard"... and sure enough by the time I left for school she had a solid 1.5 of hair... Strange but true.:omg: -Daniel Wilson
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Weiye Chen wrote: I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. Yeah, this Picture Support above Statement http://tiedyedbrainrays.typepad.com/blog/images/dw2a.jpg[^] :-D
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
The movie that picture comes from is a pretty funny movie if you like Norm McDonald. Dirty Work is the name of it if I recall correctly.
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Genetics play a large role in it (as with everything). Locally we have have some middle-aged women with stubble. :~
Ðavid Wulff The Royal Woofle Museum
Audioscrobbler :: flickrDie Freiheit spielt auf allen Geigen
David Wulff wrote: Locally we have have some middle-aged women with stubble Have you considered relocating ? Richard In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid guys, and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day? --Unknown
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Weiye Chen wrote: Hmm.. I believe there's still a possibility that a female has beard. :confused: Are you sure? AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. "I would luv to change the world, but they wont give me the source code" :( My Articles
Aamir Butt wrote: AFAIK and have seen, there can be a little bit of hair but a beard... well, everything is possible in this world. yes, genetically one can have this, it is rare, but possible. Plus she can wear a fake one... assuming there are no other... more obvious... signs of gender. my personal favorite has always been the brain in the jar... yes, he could be practicing law somewhere. :laugh: _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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Genetics play a large role in it (as with everything). Locally we have have some middle-aged women with stubble. :~
Ðavid Wulff The Royal Woofle Museum
Audioscrobbler :: flickrDie Freiheit spielt auf allen Geigen
David Wulff wrote: Genetics play a large role in it (as with everything). Locally we have have some middle-aged women with stubble. :~ I thought you agreed not to talk about your girlfriend on CP any more. Michael Martin Australia "I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So i had to leave the place as soon as possible." - Mr.Prakash 24/04/2004
