Math Jokes
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A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..." Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65. "Come one - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
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A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..." Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65. "Come one - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
ThatsAlok wrote: Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! :laugh: Weiye Chen Life is hard, yet we are made of flesh...
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A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..." Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65. "Come one - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
:-D I liked the 0-8 one the best. Most people would have heard it already, but here it goes anyway: Three people are sitting in a restaurant facing the street - a physicist, a biologist and a mathematician. They see a couple enter the building opposite the street, and they come out with a third person some time later. The phycisist says, "Two people went in and more came out. Apparently, there was some error in our original measurement". The biologist says, "Two people went in and three came out. Obviously, they reproduced". The mathematician says, "Why are you two arguing? If one more person goes into the building now, it'll be empty". Cheers, Vikram.
http://www.geocities.com/vpunathambekar "Anyone under 30 is a kid, but most of them lack enough experience to realize that." — Roger Wright.
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:-D I liked the 0-8 one the best. Most people would have heard it already, but here it goes anyway: Three people are sitting in a restaurant facing the street - a physicist, a biologist and a mathematician. They see a couple enter the building opposite the street, and they come out with a third person some time later. The phycisist says, "Two people went in and more came out. Apparently, there was some error in our original measurement". The biologist says, "Two people went in and three came out. Obviously, they reproduced". The mathematician says, "Why are you two arguing? If one more person goes into the building now, it'll be empty". Cheers, Vikram.
http://www.geocities.com/vpunathambekar "Anyone under 30 is a kid, but most of them lack enough experience to realize that." — Roger Wright.
So, did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? ... ... ... ... He worked it out with a pencil. ;) Steve T
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:-D I liked the 0-8 one the best. Most people would have heard it already, but here it goes anyway: Three people are sitting in a restaurant facing the street - a physicist, a biologist and a mathematician. They see a couple enter the building opposite the street, and they come out with a third person some time later. The phycisist says, "Two people went in and more came out. Apparently, there was some error in our original measurement". The biologist says, "Two people went in and three came out. Obviously, they reproduced". The mathematician says, "Why are you two arguing? If one more person goes into the building now, it'll be empty". Cheers, Vikram.
http://www.geocities.com/vpunathambekar "Anyone under 30 is a kid, but most of them lack enough experience to realize that." — Roger Wright.
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A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..." Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65. "Come one - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
A: Because he left a residue at every pole. :-D Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi Theorem: A cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails. Trigonometry for farmers: swine and coswine... Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all poles are in Eastern Europe! Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] Cheers, Vikram.
http://www.geocities.com/vpunathambekar "Anyone under 30 is a kid, but most of them lack enough experience to realize that." — Roger Wright.
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A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying. After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" "Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..." Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65. "Come one - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
My favourite maths joke: One fine day in old England, three squires were taken on a field trip to the local zoo. Each one went for a ride on a different animal. The first one, being rather small, rode on a peacock. The second one, being medium-sized, rode on a donkey. The third one, being as heavy as the first two put together, rode on a hippopotamus. .. .. .. So by deduction: .. .. .. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squires on the other two rides. -- Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit! Buzzwords!
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So, did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? ... ... ... ... He worked it out with a pencil. ;) Steve T
FlyingTinman wrote: He worked it out with a pencil Nice One :)
"Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I cannot change your opinion. I can, however, change what influences your opinion." - David Crow
cheers, Alok Gupta
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A: Because he left a residue at every pole. :-D Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi Theorem: A cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails. Trigonometry for farmers: swine and coswine... Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all poles are in Eastern Europe! Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] Cheers, Vikram.
http://www.geocities.com/vpunathambekar "Anyone under 30 is a kid, but most of them lack enough experience to realize that." — Roger Wright.
Vikram A Punathambekar wrote: Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] That would make a wonderful T-shirt!:laugh: "...putting all your eggs in one basket along with your bowling ball and gym clothes only gets you scrambled eggs and an extra laundry day... " - Jeffry J. Brickley