silly email jokes
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Have you ever wondered? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? If you jogged backward...would you gain weight? Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? If a bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Why do we always say thunder and lightning when the lightning comes first? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse? If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Do fish get cramps after eating? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go
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Have you ever wondered? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? If you jogged backward...would you gain weight? Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? If a bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Why do we always say thunder and lightning when the lightning comes first? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse? If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Do fish get cramps after eating? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go
Why do drive up bank teller machines have braille keypads? Why do we dirve on a parkway, and park on a driveway? Why do they call them "apartments?" If a man speaks when there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Why are people who are excessively concerned about the health effects of second-hand smoke hanging out in bars?
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Have you ever wondered? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? If you jogged backward...would you gain weight? Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? If a bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Why do we always say thunder and lightning when the lightning comes first? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse? If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Do fish get cramps after eating? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go
LAMO, very good John, very good! :-D Some of them are however are totally absurd but a bit close to the truth! John Morales wrote: Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Man, isn't that a shocking state of modern-technology affairs? John Morales wrote: What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? Calculator on a rope... :laugh: John Morales wrote: Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? So bad boys don't have to worry? Or is Santa a bit too jolly to only be playing with the bad girls X| John Morales wrote: Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? I had a lisp when I was young and man, did it ever make the kids tease me more when I said "Listen here, stop insulting my lisp, I can't help my lisp!!!", it just made them laugh harder. John Morales wrote: Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Odd that. I have always wanted to, when I am rich etc., be able to have a fresh new bath towel each and every day. Your comment though puts me in a shameful spot. Good list John, nice end to my very weird day :-D regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge Sonork ID: 100.9903 Stormfront
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LAMO, very good John, very good! :-D Some of them are however are totally absurd but a bit close to the truth! John Morales wrote: Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Man, isn't that a shocking state of modern-technology affairs? John Morales wrote: What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? Calculator on a rope... :laugh: John Morales wrote: Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? So bad boys don't have to worry? Or is Santa a bit too jolly to only be playing with the bad girls X| John Morales wrote: Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? I had a lisp when I was young and man, did it ever make the kids tease me more when I said "Listen here, stop insulting my lisp, I can't help my lisp!!!", it just made them laugh harder. John Morales wrote: Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Odd that. I have always wanted to, when I am rich etc., be able to have a fresh new bath towel each and every day. Your comment though puts me in a shameful spot. Good list John, nice end to my very weird day :-D regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge Sonork ID: 100.9903 Stormfront
Paul Watson wrote: Odd that. I have always wanted to, when I am rich etc., be able to have a fresh new bath towel each and every day. Your comment though puts me in a shameful spot. You are not alone there, friend!;) "Dirty hands lead to important discovery..." - Thomas Edison
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Paul Watson wrote: Odd that. I have always wanted to, when I am rich etc., be able to have a fresh new bath towel each and every day. Your comment though puts me in a shameful spot. You are not alone there, friend!;) "Dirty hands lead to important discovery..." - Thomas Edison
Here in the US we have a very funny prop comedian by the stage name of Carrot Top (lots of red hair). I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with. :-D -John
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Why do drive up bank teller machines have braille keypads? Why do we dirve on a parkway, and park on a driveway? Why do they call them "apartments?" If a man speaks when there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Why are people who are excessively concerned about the health effects of second-hand smoke hanging out in bars?
Roger Wright wrote: Why do we dirve on a parkway, and park on a driveway? What on earth is a parkway? I assume it is an American term? Anyway, my turn... If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? ;) ________________ David Wulff http://www.davidwulff.co.uk Sonork ID: 100.9977 Dave …
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Here in the US we have a very funny prop comedian by the stage name of Carrot Top (lots of red hair). I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with. :-D -John
John Morales wrote: I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with LOL! What a nutter. Just to clear myself of any weirdness assocaited with my towel statement: All I want is a big new warm fluffy towel each day. I don't mind if one bit touches my ass and then my face, after all I just had a shower/bath and am clean, so why should I worry, right? right? *goes and starts chopping up my towels* regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge Sonork ID: 100.9903 Stormfront
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John Morales wrote: I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with LOL! What a nutter. Just to clear myself of any weirdness assocaited with my towel statement: All I want is a big new warm fluffy towel each day. I don't mind if one bit touches my ass and then my face, after all I just had a shower/bath and am clean, so why should I worry, right? right? *goes and starts chopping up my towels* regards, Paul Watson Bluegrass Cape Town, South Africa "The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge Sonork ID: 100.9903 Stormfront
Paul Watson wrote: I don't mind if one bit touches my ass and then my face, after all I just had a shower/bath and am clean, so why should I worry, right? Wipe your face, then your ass, silly man. :cool: Jon Sagara Domestic Genius
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Roger Wright wrote: Why do we dirve on a parkway, and park on a driveway? What on earth is a parkway? I assume it is an American term? Anyway, my turn... If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? ;) ________________ David Wulff http://www.davidwulff.co.uk Sonork ID: 100.9977 Dave …
Parkways are one term for toll road. The name was marketing spin. Since they were lined with trees, they had a "parklike" appearance. Somehow the portion of the Garden State Parkway that cuts through Newark NJ never gave me the feeling of being in a rural setting.
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Roger Wright wrote: Why do we dirve on a parkway, and park on a driveway? What on earth is a parkway? I assume it is an American term? Anyway, my turn... If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? ;) ________________ David Wulff http://www.davidwulff.co.uk Sonork ID: 100.9977 Dave …
David Wulff wrote: What on earth is a parkway? A high speed route that is not a state highway, and lacking controlled access like a freeway or interstate. An American term, definitely. David Wulff wrote: If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? Frequently. But my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright!
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Here in the US we have a very funny prop comedian by the stage name of Carrot Top (lots of red hair). I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with. :-D -John
John Morales wrote: a very funny prop comedian by the stage name of Carrot Top Funny? He's a moron!
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Here in the US we have a very funny prop comedian by the stage name of Carrot Top (lots of red hair). I saw him live once and he had a bath towel that had segments portioned off for different body parts--face, pits, ass, arms, legs, etc.--so you wouldn't accidentally dry your face with the same bit that you just dried your ass with. :-D -John
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Paul Watson wrote: I don't mind if one bit touches my ass and then my face, after all I just had a shower/bath and am clean, so why should I worry, right? Wipe your face, then your ass, silly man. :cool: Jon Sagara Domestic Genius
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David Wulff wrote: What on earth is a parkway? A high speed route that is not a state highway, and lacking controlled access like a freeway or interstate. An American term, definitely. David Wulff wrote: If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? Frequently. But my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright!
Roger Wright wrote: David Wulff wrote: If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? Frequently. But my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright! I bet you just wait for that joke to come up, don't you, Roger? -John
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Is that the guy who does the AT&T commercials? He ought to get shot...*man* he's annoying...
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Paul Watson wrote: I don't mind if one bit touches my ass and then my face, after all I just had a shower/bath and am clean, so why should I worry, right? Wipe your face, then your ass, silly man. :cool: Jon Sagara Domestic Genius
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Actually I'd rather wipe my ass and THEN my face. My ass hasn't been used. Isaac Sasson, Small time programmer - complainer at large. Sonork ID 100.13704
Uh, ok... Jon Sagara What about :bob:? Sonork ID: 100.9999 jonsagara
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David Wulff wrote: What on earth is a parkway? A high speed route that is not a state highway, and lacking controlled access like a freeway or interstate. An American term, definitely. David Wulff wrote: If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? Frequently. But my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright!
Roger Wright wrote: my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright! *groan* ________________ David Wulff http://www.davidwulff.co.uk Sonork ID: 100.9977 Dave …
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Roger Wright wrote: David Wulff wrote: If you make a mistake, are you Roger Wrong? Frequently. But my parents made the original mistake, and in that instance, for once two wrongs made a Wright! I bet you just wait for that joke to come up, don't you, Roger? -John
Actually, it's come up before here - someone else thought it up.
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Is that the guy who does the AT&T commercials? He ought to get shot...*man* he's annoying...
Ditto!