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Europe threat levels

The Lounge

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M MatthysDT

This a "news flash" played on the radio (5FM) about 5 minutes ago... sorry if it's a repost! The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide" from previous alert level "starch your white flag" The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. :laugh: It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. ;P;P

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#21

I figured that since we have England, we need to have Scotland (Wales can worry about itself). I guess not many people will know about the recent-ish (ok quite old) terrorist attacks on Glasgow Airport? Well, Scotland has since gone from "Gie them the RAAAA!" to "Gie them a chibbin'". Also, the Scottish army has a new division - the John Smeaton group, who specialise in terrorist busting nukes. The terrorists tried to blow up the airport terminal - the terrorists were on fire and throwing gas canisters around - so John Smeaton (a baggage handler), and a taxi driver and some police jumped in and basically beat the guys up. An article on the John Smeaton website had a rough translation of a French news article, which had the following at the end: "You come to Glasgow and try to attack us, and we will handle your baggage." No, Scots aren't violent. We just take offence to foreigners trying to blow up our airport.

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