Giving a youngster encouragement. How?
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
To be honest, eight hours is very little. The reason I say that is that it takes time for your presepctives to adjust - try to remember the sheer terror of 5MPH and now you try to stay awake doing 70! Also, learning to exercise the appropriate judgement, pick up the feel of the vehicle, judge speed easily takes a lot of time. That is why I was told by a fwe people to get at least 40 hours, preferably nearer 60, before taking my teset. This is to give you time for certain actions to become if not reflexive, automatic. For example I found even driving round an empty car park useful because I could lern to park in a bay correctly without the worry of hitting anything else. Basically, some settling in time even in empty car parks so she can adjust will do wonders. Let me know how she gets on. Elaine. :rose:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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Benjamin Breeg wrote:
My teenage daughter
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
Suggestions?
Take the keys off her :)
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
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That REALLY deserves a 1 which I gave it. :mad:
It’s not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it’s because we do not dare that things are difficult. ~Seneca
Be fair Annie, not all men are worse drivers than women. Adnittedly I'm waiting to see the exception to the rule. :)
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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The funniest thing is I saw a programme titled "The World's Worst Drivers" and No. 1 was a man. :smirk:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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To be honest, eight hours is very little. The reason I say that is that it takes time for your presepctives to adjust - try to remember the sheer terror of 5MPH and now you try to stay awake doing 70! Also, learning to exercise the appropriate judgement, pick up the feel of the vehicle, judge speed easily takes a lot of time. That is why I was told by a fwe people to get at least 40 hours, preferably nearer 60, before taking my teset. This is to give you time for certain actions to become if not reflexive, automatic. For example I found even driving round an empty car park useful because I could lern to park in a bay correctly without the worry of hitting anything else. Basically, some settling in time even in empty car parks so she can adjust will do wonders. Let me know how she gets on. Elaine. :rose:
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
I completely agree with what you are saying. In one of my other posts I explained that the driving standards agency in the UK advocates at least 60 hours driving before taking the test. However, 60 hours with an instructor is more arms and legs than I can spare. It's upwards of a 1000 quid. So, to supplement her actual lessons with the instructor, I thought it would be a good idea for her to practise between lessons and so move on to that 60 hours behind the wheel.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Really? Why? I'll admit you don't take your kids out to drive on the highway or something like that the first time, but building the confidence of your kids can just as well be done by you as by a driving instructor.
Because I don't want to be showing them my way of doing things, even inadvertently, since that is no good for taking the test. Driving tests in the UK are very different from the same thing in the US. I got my US licence with, pretty much "Leave the parking lot and keep turning right until you get back". Driving in the US is very, very easy. Driving in the UK (and Europe) takes a lot more concentration, drivers are far more aggressive and the it is much more difficult. The driving instructor, essentially, teaches you how to pass the test and then you learn how to drive and I didn't want to interfere in that until they could almost drive on their own and then I was just a passive passenger whilst they got any practice they wanted.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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Because I don't want to be showing them my way of doing things, even inadvertently, since that is no good for taking the test. Driving tests in the UK are very different from the same thing in the US. I got my US licence with, pretty much "Leave the parking lot and keep turning right until you get back". Driving in the US is very, very easy. Driving in the UK (and Europe) takes a lot more concentration, drivers are far more aggressive and the it is much more difficult. The driving instructor, essentially, teaches you how to pass the test and then you learn how to drive and I didn't want to interfere in that until they could almost drive on their own and then I was just a passive passenger whilst they got any practice they wanted.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
(Don't know why you think I'm in the US but...) It could be tho that here (Belgium) taking driving classes isn't mandatory (at least not when I learned, don't know about now) and taking them is very costly, it is mandatory after 3 failed test I think. Passing the test however isn't easy, not because it's all that hard to do but because the centers just love to fail you so you have to fork over another X amount of money for the next test (you can believe me on this or not, (I passed first time if your wondering)). And your right driving in Europe / UK is a lot harder than in the US (although the time I drove in NY wasn't exactly a walk in the park neither). Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I'v seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it. In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
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(Don't know why you think I'm in the US but...) It could be tho that here (Belgium) taking driving classes isn't mandatory (at least not when I learned, don't know about now) and taking them is very costly, it is mandatory after 3 failed test I think. Passing the test however isn't easy, not because it's all that hard to do but because the centers just love to fail you so you have to fork over another X amount of money for the next test (you can believe me on this or not, (I passed first time if your wondering)). And your right driving in Europe / UK is a lot harder than in the US (although the time I drove in NY wasn't exactly a walk in the park neither). Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I'v seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it. In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
Don't know why you think I'm in the US but
My mistake: don't know why but I did think you were in the US. Sorry.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
Driving with the instructor might teach you how to pass the test but I'm not convinced it makes you a better driver. I've seen people pass that test (and now are driving on the roads) who should never have been allowed near a car let alone drive it.
Heartily agree with that: the point of lessons is to get you through the test: 5 minutes after passing you really start to learn to drive.
Tom Deketelaere wrote:
In the end I believe it all comes down to how you handle the car and the responsibility of driving around in what is essentially a deadly weapon.
Again, agreed.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Just get her back in the car. A little lack of self confidence is a good thing! We all make mistakes -- that's life. Self confidence is overrated. People who have a lot of self confidence don't pay attention, don't study, don't put in an extra effort, etc. The trick is not getting self confidence, it's being able to go back and do things again and continuing to put in the effort when you don't have self confidence! On a side note, the first time my oldest daughter drove with me she did great until she pulled into the driveway and hit my other car. I had to get both cars repaired, but we both survived.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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when you're in a hole, DD, quit digging ! 'g'
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Just tell her that Everyone does stuff like that when they are learning, it is perfectly normal and practice will always improve her driving. (Under no circumstances tell her the truth...That women are inherently dangerous behind the wheel, for no matter how hard they concentrate, at least 7% of their brains are thinking about shoes)
------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]
Dalek Dave wrote:
(Under no circumstances tell her the truth...That women are inherently dangerous behind the wheel, for no matter how hard they concentrate, at least 7% of their brains are thinking about shoes)
I dunno, at least 25% of my brain is always, and I mean always thinking about... well. And that's just when driving in a desolate wasteland! Downtown on Tank Top day? It's amazing I'm still alive.
He said, "Boy I'm just old and lonely, But thank you for your concern, Here's wishing you a Happy New Year." I wished him one back in return.
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Just get her back in the car. A little lack of self confidence is a good thing! We all make mistakes -- that's life. Self confidence is overrated. People who have a lot of self confidence don't pay attention, don't study, don't put in an extra effort, etc. The trick is not getting self confidence, it's being able to go back and do things again and continuing to put in the effort when you don't have self confidence! On a side note, the first time my oldest daughter drove with me she did great until she pulled into the driveway and hit my other car. I had to get both cars repaired, but we both survived.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
Just get her back in the car. A little lack of self confidence is a good thing! We all make mistakes -- that's life.
That's what I'm doing tonight. Her problem is she lacks confidence in anything she does. She's very bright and intelligent; she just doesn't believe she is. I think you need a certain amount of self belief otherwise you'll never do anything outside of your comfort zone.
Walt Fair, Jr. wrote:
On a side note, the first time my oldest daughter drove with me she did great until she pulled into the driveway and hit my other car.
I'm curious to know how you handled this situation. I would imagine that your daughter was beside herself with worry initially.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
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Soo when did you crush your children's hopes?
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
Jeez I should of used the joke icon.
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Time and practice. Also, keep in mind, that for a teenager, learning to drive is serious and important. You need to make a ritual out of it with milestones to show success instead of merely being the right seat driver. (or left seat depending on your country)
Need custom software developed? I do custom programming based primarily on MS tools with an emphasis on C# development and consulting. I also do Android Programming as I find it a refreshing break from the MS. "And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs" -- Robert Frost
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Give me 5 and I will give you a 5 in return ;P
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I completely agree with what you are saying. In one of my other posts I explained that the driving standards agency in the UK advocates at least 60 hours driving before taking the test. However, 60 hours with an instructor is more arms and legs than I can spare. It's upwards of a 1000 quid. So, to supplement her actual lessons with the instructor, I thought it would be a good idea for her to practise between lessons and so move on to that 60 hours behind the wheel.
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Very true and starting those hours between lessons somewhere she feels safe is something that helped me. I found getting used to the marked out bays in car parks was good as I could see when I improved.
Join the cool kids - Come fold with us[^] "Program as if the technical support department is full of serial killers and they know your home address" - Ray Cassick Jr., RIP
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Sometimes you need to back out gracefully and be quiet; a trick you singularly fail to learn! :-)
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me
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My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Let her practice more and don't over encourage her - too much of encouragement sometimes raise a doubt in ones ability - just say it is normal and that's why she is learning. My Startup!!!!
Profile@Elance - feedback available too -
My teenage daughter has just recently started to learn to drive. She's had 8 hrs. of tuition with a qualified driving instructor so far; and at the weekend we went out for a 20 mile drive with her behind the wheel. She made a few mistakes but otherwise did very well in my opinion and she seemed to enjoy it. However, we went out again at a later time and this time she made a serious error of judgement which would have caused an accident if there had been anything coming the other way. I didn't shout, get annoyed or grab the wheel during her error of judgement. I just calmly pointed out what she should have done instead. This mistake has totally shattered her confidence in her ability. How/what is the best way of restoring her confidence? She keeps dwelling on the fact that a serious accident could has resulted. I don't want to see her give up. What I've suggested is that we practice doing manoeuvres on a quiet industrial estate until she's had more experience with the driving instructor. Suggestions?
As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil for I am the God of Death... and this is my valley. Aici zace un om despre care nu sestie prea mult
Benjamin Breeg wrote:
Suggestions?
I imagine you have a variety of anecdotes of stupid things you've done. Tell them to her. Laugh about it. Also realize the intense pressure she probably feels in a) driving perfectly and b) impressing you. And the earth shattering feeling that, OMG, I made a mistake that could have been really serious. It's actually GOOD that she takes driving so seriously. It's also probably a good idea to point out that she will continue to make mistakes, and that OTHER DRIVERS will also make mistakes. Ask her, if she was the "other" driver and saw someone doing what she did by mistake, what would she do to avoid an accident? What options / alternatives were present? Even if an accident was inevitable, what could she have done as the "other" person to minimize property and personal injury? Often looking at the situation from the other perspective is really helpful. And yes, as you said, more practice! Hope that helps. Marc
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Jeez I should of used the joke icon.
www.software-kinetics.co.uk Wear a hard hat it's nnder construction
