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  3. Shoot me, pleasssssse !!

Shoot me, pleasssssse !!

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • D Dalek Dave

    Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

    ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriffO Offline
    OriginalGriff
    wrote on last edited by
    #4

    Dalek Dave wrote:

    you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset

    He is a developer - we are never classified as "assets".

    Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

    "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
    "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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    • D Dalek Dave

      Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

      ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

      P Offline
      P Offline
      Pete OHanlon
      wrote on last edited by
      #5

      And, for an accountant to describe it as boring is like a train spotter calling a bus spotter sad.

      Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

      My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

      D 1 Reply Last reply
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      • D Dalek Dave

        Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

        S Offline
        S Offline
        Steven J Jowett
        wrote on last edited by
        #6

        Dalek Dave wrote:

        Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing?

        Errmm, Nope. Can't say I have.

        Dalek Dave wrote:

        It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder.

        Well I have no desire to climb any ladder in accountancy, neither can I class my self as young anymore :sigh:

        Dalek Dave wrote:

        I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far.

        How did you survive?

        Dalek Dave wrote:

        Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

        Would make a change to being an overhead :-D

        Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

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        • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

          Dalek Dave wrote:

          you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset

          He is a developer - we are never classified as "assets".

          Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

          P Offline
          P Offline
          Pete OHanlon
          wrote on last edited by
          #7

          OriginalGriff wrote:

          we are never classified as "assets".

          Nope. You are a resource, slightly less valuable than a paperclip. That seems to be the thinking that drives so many companies to have "Human Resources" departments.

          Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

          My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

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          • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

            Do not upset auditors. They can do very unpleasant things to companies. So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly, and don't disturb them. And preferably, not on works time.

            Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

            P Offline
            P Offline
            Peter Mulholland
            wrote on last edited by
            #8

            OriginalGriff wrote:

            So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

            You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

            Pete

            D OriginalGriffO 2 Replies Last reply
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            • P Pete OHanlon

              And, for an accountant to describe it as boring is like a train spotter calling a bus spotter sad.

              Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

              My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

              D Offline
              D Offline
              Dalek Dave
              wrote on last edited by
              #9

              Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

              ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

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              • P Peter Mulholland

                OriginalGriff wrote:

                So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

                You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

                Pete

                D Offline
                D Offline
                Dalek Dave
                wrote on last edited by
                #10

                <Officious Little Jobsworth Voice> "You may not use that rope as a noose, it is untested at that strain and may cause injury when attempting suicide." </Officious Little Jobsworth Voice>

                ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

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                • P Peter Mulholland

                  OriginalGriff wrote:

                  So if you are going to hang yourself, please do it quietly

                  You forgot to add that the rope and method(s) used should meet the requisite standards for such an activity.

                  Pete

                  OriginalGriffO Offline
                  OriginalGriffO Offline
                  OriginalGriff
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #11

                  Auditors don't care about health or safety, as long as you don't damage a company asset (i.e. the rope) during the activity. Liabilities like developers are neither here nor there.

                  Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                  "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                  "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                  D 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • D Dalek Dave

                    Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                    ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                    L Offline
                    L Offline
                    Lost User
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #12

                    My dad became an internal auditor with Customs & Excise towards the end of his career. Auditing systems and processes and stuff like that, not accounts. However it instantly turned him into one of the most boring men in the world, something he has been unable to shake off since he retired.

                    Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                    D 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                      Auditors don't care about health or safety, as long as you don't damage a company asset (i.e. the rope) during the activity. Liabilities like developers are neither here nor there.

                      Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                      D Offline
                      D Offline
                      Dalek Dave
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #13

                      It would be possible to claim a tax relief on a capital investment programme, ie buying a new rope, although recycling rules would have to be enforced on the disposal of the old rope in accordance to EU directives on Rope Untwiddling and Strand Tapering.

                      ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                      OriginalGriffO 1 Reply Last reply
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                      • D Dalek Dave

                        Sadly, 'tis true. I love doing cost analysis or budget forecasts, I can use my brain for that but to do auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                        P Offline
                        P Offline
                        Pete OHanlon
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #14

                        Dalek Dave wrote:

                        auditing is just donkey work that anyone with a piece of paper and half a brain can manage.

                        Ah, I see you've met the team who audit my accounts.

                        Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads

                        My blog | My articles | MoXAML PowerToys | Mole 2010 - debugging made easier - my favourite utility

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • D Dalek Dave

                          Have you never considered a career in the exciting world of auditing? It is the ideal job for young thrusting people who wish to climb quickly up the accountancy stepladder. Apply today and start your career of wandering around other peoples offices and looking at small pieces of paper! I was an auditor for three years (obligatory training for accountants) and found it to be the most boring aspect of my career so far. Don't hang yourself, you will only be assessed as a depreciation of capital asset.

                          ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                          G Offline
                          G Offline
                          Gary Wheeler
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #15

                          Dalek Dave wrote:

                          the ideal job for young thrusting people

                          Isn't it amazing how one letter makes it sounds like a job in the porn industry.

                          Software Zen: delete this;

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • D Dalek Dave

                            It would be possible to claim a tax relief on a capital investment programme, ie buying a new rope, although recycling rules would have to be enforced on the disposal of the old rope in accordance to EU directives on Rope Untwiddling and Strand Tapering.

                            ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                            OriginalGriffO Offline
                            OriginalGriffO Offline
                            OriginalGriff
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #16

                            Surely you would have to prove that the old rope had been fully depreciated first?

                            Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                            "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                            "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                            D 1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • L Lost User

                              My dad became an internal auditor with Customs & Excise towards the end of his career. Auditing systems and processes and stuff like that, not accounts. However it instantly turned him into one of the most boring men in the world, something he has been unable to shake off since he retired.

                              Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends.

                              D Offline
                              D Offline
                              Dalek Dave
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #17

                              That is always a danger. Alcohol, Tattoos, Piercing and Loud Music usually shake that out of you though.

                              ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

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                              • OriginalGriffO OriginalGriff

                                Surely you would have to prove that the old rope had been fully depreciated first?

                                Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                                D Offline
                                D Offline
                                Dalek Dave
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #18

                                Of course, you could show them the full depreciation figures, and then the cash received. This is noted in the accounts as "Money for old rope".

                                ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                OriginalGriffO P 2 Replies Last reply
                                0
                                • S Steven J Jowett

                                  I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                  Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                  S Offline
                                  S Offline
                                  StM0n
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #19

                                  Shooting or hanging... make up your mind ;P

                                  (yes|no|maybe)*

                                  S 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • S Steven J Jowett

                                    I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                    Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                    L Offline
                                    L Offline
                                    Lost User
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #20

                                    They are so anal, its almost ridiculous.

                                    ============================== Nothing to say.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • S Steven J Jowett

                                      I have four auditors moved into me office for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself. X|

                                      Steve Jowett ------------------------- Real Programmers don't need comments -- the code is obvious.

                                      K Offline
                                      K Offline
                                      Keith Barrow
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #21

                                      Meanwhile, on www.auditingbob.com:

                                      J Random Auditor wrote:

                                      I am one of four auditors and we have moved into an office full of programmer/geeks for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself X|

                                      Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
                                      -Or-
                                      A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

                                      D S 2 Replies Last reply
                                      0
                                      • K Keith Barrow

                                        Meanwhile, on www.auditingbob.com:

                                        J Random Auditor wrote:

                                        I am one of four auditors and we have moved into an office full of programmer/geeks for the week. They are so stereo-typical, their conversions are sooooo f**king boring and monotone. I just wanna hang myself X|

                                        Sort of a cross between Lawrence of Arabia and Dilbert.[^]
                                        -Or-
                                        A Dead ringer for Kate Winslett[^]

                                        D Offline
                                        D Offline
                                        Dalek Dave
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #22

                                        Earns a 5! See Here[^] for an exciting magazine for thrusting young executives in the exciting world of financial management.

                                        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                        K 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • D Dalek Dave

                                          Of course, you could show them the full depreciation figures, and then the cash received. This is noted in the accounts as "Money for old rope".

                                          ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                                          OriginalGriffO Offline
                                          OriginalGriffO Offline
                                          OriginalGriff
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #23

                                          LOL! 5!

                                          Real men don't use instructions. They are only the manufacturers opinion on how to put the thing together. Manfred R. Bihy: "Looks as if OP is learning resistant."

                                          "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                                          "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

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