My "To do before I'm 50" list:

[Pete OHanlon]

1. Hire two private investigators and get them to follow each other.
2. Follow joggers with my car window open, blasting out Eye Of The Tiger as encouragement.
3. Wear a shirt that says "Life". Hand out free lemons to strangers.
4. In a crowded lift, say "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
5. Get a BA in philosophy. Ask people "Why do you want fries with that?"
6. Run into a shop and ask a stranger what year it is. When they answer, run out shouting "My god. It worked."
7. Become a doctor and change last name to Acula.
8. Change my fist name to Simon and then always speak of myself in the third person.
9. Buy a parrot and teach it to say "Help me. I've been turned into a parrot".

*pre-emptive celebratory nipple tassle jiggle* - Sean Ewington

"Mind bleach! Send me mind bleach!" - Nagy Vilmos

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[R Giskard Reventlov]

Very good. Especially like numbers one through nine.

"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

[OriginalGriff]

I've done number 4. But it's too late for the others... :sigh:

Ideological Purity is no substitute for being able to stick your thumb down a pipe to stop the water

[Lost User]

With regards to number 2, have you ever seen the footage of the French (i think) bloke who gathered a load of people at the side of a road and greeted each cyclist as if they were winning a race? I'd provide a link if I was on a computer.

Every man can tell how many goats or sheep he possesses, but not how many friends. Shed Petition[^]

[GenJerDan]

You missed filling an empty mayonnaise jar with vanilla pudding and just gobble it in public, spoonful by spoonful.

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