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  3. What the Apple iCar will be like ?

What the Apple iCar will be like ?

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  • B Offline
    B Offline
    BillWoodruff
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    Now that the news that the Apple iCar has been leaked, a few unsurprising details have emerged of what the total-automotive-experience a la Mac will be: 1. A Hybrid incorporating a special type of Electrical energy code-named "Shazam" which will use a unique phase-modulation rendering it incompatible with any existing current electrical voltage/frequency specification. Re-charging will require purchase of the very expensive home-unit, the "AppStation Home," or driving into the all-glass Apple branded service-stations code-named "iGasms." The special batteries will not be replaceable, and are permanently bonded/welded to the frame. 2. The internal-combustion component of the engine will use a special form of Methanol produced from GMO corn, code-named, of course, iGas. It will only be available at iGasm stations; it's price will be tagged to some integer multiple of the current per-gallon rate for oil refined from Brent Blend North Sea Crude (think expensive, very expensive). This engine cannot be repaired, only replaced under AppleCare Warranty under limited circumstances. Only Apple iGasm stations will have the special tools required to even change the engine-oil. 3. There will be no user-serviceable parts, automotive, mechanical, electrical, electronic in the entire vehicle. 4. The first models will sell for roughly the price of an entry-level Rolls-Royce, and will have an estimated lifetime before batteries wear out of one year. Over the usual ten-year product cycle there will be numerous "improved" models put on the market, each with "killer features:" none of these features can be retrofitted to any previous model. While these rumors seem common enough to give them some creedence, I must discount the strange talk about direct vehicle-to-driver body/blood/brain interaction being whispered about. And, that speculation about Siri driving the vehicle: well, I think that's just too far-fetched; the lawyers would never allow that. The idea that Apple will market this vehicle's "first edition" only in states in the U.S. that legalize cannabis: that's ridiculous.

    «I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.»

    M OriginalGriffO P Sander RosselS B 6 Replies Last reply
    0
    • B BillWoodruff

      Now that the news that the Apple iCar has been leaked, a few unsurprising details have emerged of what the total-automotive-experience a la Mac will be: 1. A Hybrid incorporating a special type of Electrical energy code-named "Shazam" which will use a unique phase-modulation rendering it incompatible with any existing current electrical voltage/frequency specification. Re-charging will require purchase of the very expensive home-unit, the "AppStation Home," or driving into the all-glass Apple branded service-stations code-named "iGasms." The special batteries will not be replaceable, and are permanently bonded/welded to the frame. 2. The internal-combustion component of the engine will use a special form of Methanol produced from GMO corn, code-named, of course, iGas. It will only be available at iGasm stations; it's price will be tagged to some integer multiple of the current per-gallon rate for oil refined from Brent Blend North Sea Crude (think expensive, very expensive). This engine cannot be repaired, only replaced under AppleCare Warranty under limited circumstances. Only Apple iGasm stations will have the special tools required to even change the engine-oil. 3. There will be no user-serviceable parts, automotive, mechanical, electrical, electronic in the entire vehicle. 4. The first models will sell for roughly the price of an entry-level Rolls-Royce, and will have an estimated lifetime before batteries wear out of one year. Over the usual ten-year product cycle there will be numerous "improved" models put on the market, each with "killer features:" none of these features can be retrofitted to any previous model. While these rumors seem common enough to give them some creedence, I must discount the strange talk about direct vehicle-to-driver body/blood/brain interaction being whispered about. And, that speculation about Siri driving the vehicle: well, I think that's just too far-fetched; the lawyers would never allow that. The idea that Apple will market this vehicle's "first edition" only in states in the U.S. that legalize cannabis: that's ridiculous.

      «I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.»

      M Offline
      M Offline
      Mark_Wallace
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      I hear that the Microsoft one will be modular, with the modules linked by braids containing minimal functionality. i.e. baby blocks tied together with ribbons. And the Android one will be great, until you suddenly find that the wheels are all different sizes, and the seats have been moved to the outside of the car.

      I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

      L J 2 Replies Last reply
      0
      • B BillWoodruff

        Now that the news that the Apple iCar has been leaked, a few unsurprising details have emerged of what the total-automotive-experience a la Mac will be: 1. A Hybrid incorporating a special type of Electrical energy code-named "Shazam" which will use a unique phase-modulation rendering it incompatible with any existing current electrical voltage/frequency specification. Re-charging will require purchase of the very expensive home-unit, the "AppStation Home," or driving into the all-glass Apple branded service-stations code-named "iGasms." The special batteries will not be replaceable, and are permanently bonded/welded to the frame. 2. The internal-combustion component of the engine will use a special form of Methanol produced from GMO corn, code-named, of course, iGas. It will only be available at iGasm stations; it's price will be tagged to some integer multiple of the current per-gallon rate for oil refined from Brent Blend North Sea Crude (think expensive, very expensive). This engine cannot be repaired, only replaced under AppleCare Warranty under limited circumstances. Only Apple iGasm stations will have the special tools required to even change the engine-oil. 3. There will be no user-serviceable parts, automotive, mechanical, electrical, electronic in the entire vehicle. 4. The first models will sell for roughly the price of an entry-level Rolls-Royce, and will have an estimated lifetime before batteries wear out of one year. Over the usual ten-year product cycle there will be numerous "improved" models put on the market, each with "killer features:" none of these features can be retrofitted to any previous model. While these rumors seem common enough to give them some creedence, I must discount the strange talk about direct vehicle-to-driver body/blood/brain interaction being whispered about. And, that speculation about Siri driving the vehicle: well, I think that's just too far-fetched; the lawyers would never allow that. The idea that Apple will market this vehicle's "first edition" only in states in the U.S. that legalize cannabis: that's ridiculous.

        «I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.»

        OriginalGriffO Offline
        OriginalGriffO Offline
        OriginalGriff
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        And if you get your iCar wet, it voids all warranties...

        Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...

        "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
        "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • M Mark_Wallace

          I hear that the Microsoft one will be modular, with the modules linked by braids containing minimal functionality. i.e. baby blocks tied together with ribbons. And the Android one will be great, until you suddenly find that the wheels are all different sizes, and the seats have been moved to the outside of the car.

          I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

          L Offline
          L Offline
          Lost User
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          Yes, but closing all windows and then restarting will probably still work.

          The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
          This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.
          "I don't know, extraterrestrial?" "You mean like from space?" "No, from Canada."

          L 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • L Lost User

            Yes, but closing all windows and then restarting will probably still work.

            The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
            This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.
            "I don't know, extraterrestrial?" "You mean like from space?" "No, from Canada."

            L Offline
            L Offline
            Lost User
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            CDP1802 wrote:

            Yes, but closing all windows and then restarting will probably still work.

            "Brake" is not responding. Do you want to continue waiting until it is available?

            Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]

            L 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • L Lost User

              CDP1802 wrote:

              Yes, but closing all windows and then restarting will probably still work.

              "Brake" is not responding. Do you want to continue waiting until it is available?

              Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]

              L Offline
              L Offline
              Lost User
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              No sweat as long as your ejection seat drivers are installed and ready.

              The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
              This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.
              "I don't know, extraterrestrial?" "You mean like from space?" "No, from Canada."

              L K 2 Replies Last reply
              0
              • L Lost User

                No sweat as long as your ejection seat drivers are installed and ready.

                The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
                This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.
                "I don't know, extraterrestrial?" "You mean like from space?" "No, from Canada."

                K Offline
                K Offline
                Kenneth Haugland
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                You mean a Boot drive? ;P

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • L Lost User

                  No sweat as long as your ejection seat drivers are installed and ready.

                  The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
                  This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.
                  "I don't know, extraterrestrial?" "You mean like from space?" "No, from Canada."

                  L Offline
                  L Offline
                  Lost User
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  Ready to blast you through the car-roof :)

                  Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • B BillWoodruff

                    Now that the news that the Apple iCar has been leaked, a few unsurprising details have emerged of what the total-automotive-experience a la Mac will be: 1. A Hybrid incorporating a special type of Electrical energy code-named "Shazam" which will use a unique phase-modulation rendering it incompatible with any existing current electrical voltage/frequency specification. Re-charging will require purchase of the very expensive home-unit, the "AppStation Home," or driving into the all-glass Apple branded service-stations code-named "iGasms." The special batteries will not be replaceable, and are permanently bonded/welded to the frame. 2. The internal-combustion component of the engine will use a special form of Methanol produced from GMO corn, code-named, of course, iGas. It will only be available at iGasm stations; it's price will be tagged to some integer multiple of the current per-gallon rate for oil refined from Brent Blend North Sea Crude (think expensive, very expensive). This engine cannot be repaired, only replaced under AppleCare Warranty under limited circumstances. Only Apple iGasm stations will have the special tools required to even change the engine-oil. 3. There will be no user-serviceable parts, automotive, mechanical, electrical, electronic in the entire vehicle. 4. The first models will sell for roughly the price of an entry-level Rolls-Royce, and will have an estimated lifetime before batteries wear out of one year. Over the usual ten-year product cycle there will be numerous "improved" models put on the market, each with "killer features:" none of these features can be retrofitted to any previous model. While these rumors seem common enough to give them some creedence, I must discount the strange talk about direct vehicle-to-driver body/blood/brain interaction being whispered about. And, that speculation about Siri driving the vehicle: well, I think that's just too far-fetched; the lawyers would never allow that. The idea that Apple will market this vehicle's "first edition" only in states in the U.S. that legalize cannabis: that's ridiculous.

                    «I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.»

                    P Offline
                    P Offline
                    PIEBALDconsult
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    Should be the iVan .

                    K OriginalGriffO M 3 Replies Last reply
                    0
                    • B BillWoodruff

                      Now that the news that the Apple iCar has been leaked, a few unsurprising details have emerged of what the total-automotive-experience a la Mac will be: 1. A Hybrid incorporating a special type of Electrical energy code-named "Shazam" which will use a unique phase-modulation rendering it incompatible with any existing current electrical voltage/frequency specification. Re-charging will require purchase of the very expensive home-unit, the "AppStation Home," or driving into the all-glass Apple branded service-stations code-named "iGasms." The special batteries will not be replaceable, and are permanently bonded/welded to the frame. 2. The internal-combustion component of the engine will use a special form of Methanol produced from GMO corn, code-named, of course, iGas. It will only be available at iGasm stations; it's price will be tagged to some integer multiple of the current per-gallon rate for oil refined from Brent Blend North Sea Crude (think expensive, very expensive). This engine cannot be repaired, only replaced under AppleCare Warranty under limited circumstances. Only Apple iGasm stations will have the special tools required to even change the engine-oil. 3. There will be no user-serviceable parts, automotive, mechanical, electrical, electronic in the entire vehicle. 4. The first models will sell for roughly the price of an entry-level Rolls-Royce, and will have an estimated lifetime before batteries wear out of one year. Over the usual ten-year product cycle there will be numerous "improved" models put on the market, each with "killer features:" none of these features can be retrofitted to any previous model. While these rumors seem common enough to give them some creedence, I must discount the strange talk about direct vehicle-to-driver body/blood/brain interaction being whispered about. And, that speculation about Siri driving the vehicle: well, I think that's just too far-fetched; the lawyers would never allow that. The idea that Apple will market this vehicle's "first edition" only in states in the U.S. that legalize cannabis: that's ridiculous.

                      «I'm asked why doesn't C# implement feature X all the time. The answer's always the same: because no one ever designed, specified, implemented, tested, documented, shipped that feature. All six of those things are necessary to make a feature happen. They all cost huge amounts of time, effort and money.»

                      Sander RosselS Offline
                      Sander RosselS Offline
                      Sander Rossel
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      Worst of all, it automatically syncs to iTunes :(

                      My blog[^]

                      public class SanderRossel : Lazy<Person>
                      {
                      public void DoWork()
                      {
                      throw new NotSupportedException();
                      }
                      }

                      M 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • P PIEBALDconsult

                        Should be the iVan .

                        K Offline
                        K Offline
                        Kenneth Haugland
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        "the terrible"?

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • P PIEBALDconsult

                          Should be the iVan .

                          OriginalGriffO Offline
                          OriginalGriffO Offline
                          OriginalGriff
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          That's the Russian area version.

                          Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...

                          "I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
                          "Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • M Mark_Wallace

                            I hear that the Microsoft one will be modular, with the modules linked by braids containing minimal functionality. i.e. baby blocks tied together with ribbons. And the Android one will be great, until you suddenly find that the wheels are all different sizes, and the seats have been moved to the outside of the car.

                            I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                            J Offline
                            J Offline
                            Jorgen Andersson
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            So the android one is a cabriolet?

                            Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                            M 1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • J Jorgen Andersson

                              So the android one is a cabriolet?

                              Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                              M Offline
                              M Offline
                              Mark_Wallace
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #14

                              Jörgen Andersson wrote:

                              So the android one is a cabriolet?

                              2.1 was, then 2.4 was a humvee, 3.2 was a land rover, and 4.2 was a bubble car.

                              I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                              J 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • M Mark_Wallace

                                Jörgen Andersson wrote:

                                So the android one is a cabriolet?

                                2.1 was, then 2.4 was a humvee, 3.2 was a land rover, and 4.2 was a bubble car.

                                I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                J Offline
                                J Offline
                                Jorgen Andersson
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #15

                                And 5.0 is a Renault Twizy.

                                Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                                M 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • J Jorgen Andersson

                                  And 5.0 is a Renault Twizy.

                                  Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                                  M Offline
                                  M Offline
                                  Mark_Wallace
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #16

                                  Precisely. You can be half way to work, and suddenly find yourself driving a completely different car.

                                  I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                  J 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • P PIEBALDconsult

                                    Should be the iVan .

                                    M Offline
                                    M Offline
                                    Mark_Wallace
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #17

                                    Not in the US. The US version will crash and burn if the user himself has any creativity in how he does things. But that's always been a problem with the iCar US.

                                    I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • Sander RosselS Sander Rossel

                                      Worst of all, it automatically syncs to iTunes :(

                                      My blog[^]

                                      public class SanderRossel : Lazy<Person>
                                      {
                                      public void DoWork()
                                      {
                                      throw new NotSupportedException();
                                      }
                                      }

                                      M Offline
                                      M Offline
                                      Mark_Wallace
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #18

                                      ... And only lets you drive on toll roads.

                                      I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                      Sander RosselS 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • M Mark_Wallace

                                        Precisely. You can be half way to work, and suddenly find yourself driving a completely different car.

                                        I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                        J Offline
                                        J Offline
                                        Jorgen Andersson
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #19

                                        If you're lucky.

                                        Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                                        M 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • J Jorgen Andersson

                                          If you're lucky.

                                          Wrong is evil and must be defeated. - Jeff Ello

                                          M Offline
                                          M Offline
                                          Mark_Wallace
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #20

                                          It opens a whole new direction for bumper stickers, doesn't it? "My car used to be a Maserati"

                                          I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!

                                          J 1 Reply Last reply
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