Yep, I think you are right. Might need a glossary then ;)

My burner is a safe cell and to another it's heat. My booty is my stash and to another it's just - a bit of flash.

I found http://www.fromtexttospeech.com/ which will give you an mp3; it coped with all the text you posted. Try Paul (US English) or British English Peter. Some sound better than others but it will give you an idea of "flow".

Eats roots, shoots and leaves - Eats, roots, shoots, and leaves.

I agree with much of what the previous posters say about readability. It might help to get someone to read it back to you. A good way is for them to record their reading so that your influence is minimised. Then listen to it when you can really concentrate on what they are saying. Obviously this is a big commitment from whoever you get to read it back, so alternatively record yourself reading it and listen later, maybe after you have written some more and are less familiar with your earlier prose. Another alternative is to use some text to speech software. There are some free online but they have quite small limits: Try http://text-to-speech.imtranslator.net/ One very useful aspect of text-to-speech is that it follows the punctuation; so when it sounds odd, it might indicate that you've missed out a crucial comma/stop/new paragraph - or added one too many. Someone mentioned earlier that the effect was "staccato". If this is intentional that's fine but beware - quirky prose style requires that the rest is good and hopefully very good - otherwise it will just appear stilted and badly constructed. If in doubt go for mainstream style and construction - keep it safe, get it right, learn, improve and THEN experiment. I noticed some strange constructions too: "dropping the burn phone into his neighbor’s trash" - What exactly IS a burn phone? "He maintained his faith and biblical studies while in the Army" Is there such a thing as "faith and bible studies"? "and lit both on fire" - Just sounds weird.

There is only one rule in grammar: 1) There are no rules in grammar. Note: There are however guidelines for each particular variety of language. These guidelines vary wildly and can often be ignored. If it sounds OK to you and your audience then it is OK.

Reminds me of the "medic" who insisted on decorating his hallway through the letter box. Pride is closely related to fear.

btw Dr Martin Keeley, is Visiting Professor in Petroleum Geology. Maybe he's not entirely impartial?