Not to mention I'm the biggest A-hole in the world.

You late people all leave us punctual people waiting on you. Arrive when you said you would arrive, not 15 minutes late. If so get your lazy self out of bed earlier so you can get to work on time.

I hate lazy people...

That's not fair for the people you work for. You need to set an example. My Boss is late almost everyday, and it irritates the hell out of me. It doens't matter how much you do outside of normal hours you need to be there every day on time. I get called to do work outside of normal hours but I'm still at the office, 15 minutes early, everyday.