How do you cope?
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I lost my mother when I was 14. My dad died when I was 21. I actually had to fill in the box "orphan" on my student loan application the following fall. Being almost 30, I have lived half my life without my mother and a fourth without my father. My life is sectioned this way. I feel that I was one person when mom was alive, another when it was just dad, and now I am who I am without them. Does it get better with time? Yes and no. I still cry like a little kid sometimes screaming "I want my mommy." There are moments when it will hit you like a mac truck. Your grandpa had a good life and had family who cared about him. Having someone love you is a wonderful thing. I find some comfort in my religion and talk to G-d about it, and sometimes I have imaginary conversations with my parents. That's how I deal with it. But I know there will always be times when I will crack and bawl. And you know what? I've learned that it's okay, because ignoring the feelings make it much worse. After my dad died I got horribly depressed. My doctor put me on anti-depressants and I'm still on them. I really encourage you that if time goes by you feel depressed (and yes there is a difference between depression and sadness) to please see your doctor. Don't get to the point I did. My best wishes and prayers for you and your family. We are all giving you a big virtual hug.
leckey wrote:
I lost my mother when I was 14. My dad died when I was 21.
Ouch, both parents is not an easy thing to deal with. I never lost mine to death, but I lost my father at 4 and my mother at 15 (long story). I'm not sure which is worse, parents dying or parents alive and just don't care about you. Either way, I feel your pain. Jeremy Falcon
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leckey wrote:
I lost my mother when I was 14. My dad died when I was 21.
Ouch, both parents is not an easy thing to deal with. I never lost mine to death, but I lost my father at 4 and my mother at 15 (long story). I'm not sure which is worse, parents dying or parents alive and just don't care about you. Either way, I feel your pain. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I'm not sure which is worse
There is no worse, just different. I understand some of it as well. _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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code-frog wrote:
it's them that have me... by the neck.
ahhh, but you know it has its rewards too. Even I can remember a twinkle in the eyes of my ex's kids that made it all worthwhile. I doubt anything I tought remains, but it was worth the effort regardless. The rest they will have to discover the hard way now. _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
Oh, I guess I meant in a fun way. We were all wrestling last night (Paige the 16 month old to) in the sleeping bags and it was a ragingly loud good time. I'm not sure others will agree but to me there are *only* rewards with kids. Yeah they will live their own lives and you just have to respect (as their parents) the choices they make. As a kid you wanted and exercised the same freedom so I don't begrudge it of them. There's only rewards in my book.:rose:
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Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
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espeir wrote:
which you revere but apparently lack
This proves you are being stupid. Do not confuse (I'm sure it's difficult for you) not being the most educated in history with not being educated. In case you haven't noticed, there are plenty of fields of study. Also, do not confuse education with intelligence. I hope that's not too much to ask of you.
espeir wrote:
ou probably have not undertaken a life-long quest to prove that he existed.
This is bullshit. It's much easier to prove someone existed than to prove someone that did exist was in fact the son of God. I do believe a man named Jesus could've very well existed. I do not believe he was without sin and the son of God. Granted, it all comes down to "what's written" and what we choose to believe about it. Let's say Nero didn't really exist, well at least we are not basing religion and fundamental ways of current life on that. And, we can still take the lessons of history from that. We cannot do the same with Jesus being or not being the son of God. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
This proves you are being stupid. Do not confuse (I'm sure it's difficult for you) not being the most educated in history with not being educated. In case you haven't noticed, there are plenty of fields of study. Also, do not confuse education with intelligence. I hope that's not too much to ask of you.
Well...Not having heard of Nero is pretty uneducated, but that's besides the point. The point is that every educated person derives his knowledge from what others have told him. That is pretty much the definition of education. To dismiss something merely because you did not learn it from direct personal experience is ignorance.
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Why does that not surprise me?
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Steve Holle wrote:
You need to find out what it means to accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. There is no hope otherwise.
Totally disagree with that! There are billions out there who don't believe in Jesus and I refuse to believe that there's no hope for them. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New)Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
There are billions out there who don't believe in Jesus and I refuse to believe that there's no hope for them.
I think when he said "hope", he meant hope in life after death. :rose:
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
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Jeremy Falcon wrote:
This proves you are being stupid. Do not confuse (I'm sure it's difficult for you) not being the most educated in history with not being educated. In case you haven't noticed, there are plenty of fields of study. Also, do not confuse education with intelligence. I hope that's not too much to ask of you.
Well...Not having heard of Nero is pretty uneducated, but that's besides the point. The point is that every educated person derives his knowledge from what others have told him. That is pretty much the definition of education. To dismiss something merely because you did not learn it from direct personal experience is ignorance.
espeir wrote:
Well...Not having heard of Nero is pretty uneducated, but that's besides the point.
Duh, I said I did hear of him. But, that's beside the point.
espeir wrote:
The point is that every educated person derives his knowledge from what others have told him. That is pretty much the definition of education.
Maybe every educated person, but not to be a truly intelligent being. You do remember the difference don't you?
espeir wrote:
To dismiss something merely because you did not learn it from direct personal experience is ignorance.
Nobody said that was the reason. Jeremy Falcon
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Last night my grandfather passed away. He was 89. He was stricken with Parkinsons and a whole host of other ailments that seem to come along when you get 80+ years old. His last 7 years he lived with Dementia, often forgetting the names of his children and close friends. It was the first time I ever saw someone dying right in front of me. His breathing was shallow and rapid. I hate the sight of seeing him in pain. I hate that my final memories are of him in this fragile state. I've always had difficulty accepting death. The idea of "just accept it and move on" seems to never provide me any comfort. When I think about my death or the death of my loved ones, my entire body reacts making my knees weak, heart race, and all of my thoughts are consumed with trying to find resolve. How do you live on in peace knowing the inevitable? Jim RunFatBoy.net[^] - Exercise for the rest of us.
My grandfather died just a few years back, 84 years old. Up 'till the last year of his life, he would still ride his dirt bike out into the fields each day, with the dogs running along side. Seeing him weaken and succumb to cancer so quickly was hard... at the same time, i know he never gave up on Life. I treasure the memories of the time i got to spend with him, and hope to be reunited again some day.
AAntix wrote:
How do you live on in peace knowing the inevitable?
Because i don't know the inevitable. Oh, sure - this body is gonna wear out and fail, as sure as the sun is gonna rise. But when, where, or how that'll happen is far from a given. Much less so what happens after that. There's a corrolary to what Steve wrote, btw: don't put your faith in things you know will fail. Enjoy what you have today, do your best to make the most of it. But if you want hope for tomorrow, you'll need to look beyond this world where all things eventually crumble and pass away.
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Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
I thought it particularly selfish that he was trying to take advantage of someone's misery to preach his religious beliefs.
If i recall (and i should, having just started reading this thread), the OP asked us how we cope. If Steve cares to share the hope he's found, i don't see how that was inappropriate...
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Shog9 wrote:
If i recall (and i should, having just started reading this thread), the OP asked us how we cope. If Steve cares to share the hope he's found, i don't see how that was inappropriate...
In my opinion, it was okay for Steve to tell people how he coped, but to say that "There is no hope otherwise" was uncalled for. You may disagree - but that's how I see it. Regards, Nish
Nish’s thoughts on MFC, C++/CLI and .NET (my blog)
Currently working on C++/CLI in Action for Manning Publications. Also visit the Ultimate Toolbox blog (New) -
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I'm not sure which is worse
There is no worse, just different. I understand some of it as well. _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
Jeffry J. Brickley wrote:
There is no worse, just different.
You're right.
Jeffry J. Brickley wrote:
I understand some of it as well.
Sad to think so many of us do. Aww hell, I'm all depressed now. :laugh: Jeremy Falcon
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espeir wrote:
Emotionally avoid the tragedy.
That's your interpretation of it which is wrong. It's not referring to the particular incident at all, but general advice for years later. I know you think you're always right, so why bother explaining the simple stuff. And I'm sure you know what I meant better than I did.
espeir wrote:
Again I did. Programming is not a healthy way to deal with loss and your advice is very poor.
The only thing that's poor here is your comprehension. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
That's your interpretation of it which is wrong. It's not referring to the particular incident at all, but general advice for years later.
It's not like you were speaking in pig latin or anything. It was pretty clear what you said and it stands on its own without any further need of interpretation. Whether you deal with it immediately or later is irrelevant.
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I know you think you're always right
Only because I assert myself what I know I'm right and I'm quiet when ambiguous. Therefore, whenever I communicate, there's a very good chance I'm right.
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Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
There are billions out there who don't believe in Jesus and I refuse to believe that there's no hope for them.
I think when he said "hope", he meant hope in life after death. :rose:
Tech, life, family, faith: Give me a visit. I'm currently blogging about: Goof around music jam with my brothers (with video) The apostle Paul, modernly speaking: Epistles of Paul Judah Himango
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Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I'm not sure which is worse
There is no worse, just different. I understand some of it as well. _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
I don't know. I almost think knowing they are still alive would be worse. I didn't get to see my mother's body before she was cremated. I still have dreams she is really alive, I track her down, and she faked her death because she didn't love me anymore and still doesn't want me in her life. Death you can't control. Other situations such as abandonment I think are emotionally worse.
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Nishant Sivakumar wrote:
They should all learn from you I say!
I guess you have to temper Christians just like everything else. Some people use Linux and it's just a tool, other people have to convert the world to Linux. Some people enjoy watching a sport and others get consumed by the sport and start fights in the stands and other craziness. David and I know what we believe. It will never be taken from us. It's written upon us. However, he and I both are able to pick the context for discussing it (and almost every believer I know is). You won't see me with the fish all over my car, wearing funky bracelets or holding signs. I won't even wear a cross. If you cannot tell what I believe by how I act then I'm not living in a way that is consistent with how I believe and what I've read. It's that simple for me. Even now, you are not asking David and I to share a single thing with you about what we believe and neither of us will. The context isn't right. Both David and I think that if you want to ask questions of either of us you'll probably find email a better way to go. We don't need to rub anything in your face because both of us agree we'd hate someone rubbing it in ours. So instead, while in the lounge we do what other loungers do. Talk about mostly tech-related things and enjoy hanging out with our peers.:)
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code-frog wrote:
If you cannot tell what I believe by how I act then I'm not living in a way that is consistent with how I believe and what I've read. It's that simple for me.
A statement I whole-heartedly agree with. It was told to me once that you should not have to tell others that you are a Christian; they should be able to tell simply by how you act.
"The largest fire starts but with the smallest spark." - David Crow
"Judge not by the eye but by the heart." - Native American Proverb
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Oh, I guess I meant in a fun way. We were all wrestling last night (Paige the 16 month old to) in the sleeping bags and it was a ragingly loud good time. I'm not sure others will agree but to me there are *only* rewards with kids. Yeah they will live their own lives and you just have to respect (as their parents) the choices they make. As a kid you wanted and exercised the same freedom so I don't begrudge it of them. There's only rewards in my book.:rose:
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
code-frog wrote:
Oh, I guess I meant in a fun way.
I know you did, just offering you a nudge as a reminder for others. Don't want them to assume I am rubbing off on you. ;P We had that conversation while you were gone for a while. :laugh: _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
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Jeremy Falcon wrote:
That's your interpretation of it which is wrong. It's not referring to the particular incident at all, but general advice for years later.
It's not like you were speaking in pig latin or anything. It was pretty clear what you said and it stands on its own without any further need of interpretation. Whether you deal with it immediately or later is irrelevant.
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
I know you think you're always right
Only because I assert myself what I know I'm right and I'm quiet when ambiguous. Therefore, whenever I communicate, there's a very good chance I'm right.
espeir wrote:
Whether you deal with it immediately or later is irrelevant.
That was never a means to deal with his grandfather's death, but a way to deal with the concept of death. Maybe you need to understand context a bit better and reread the line I quoted. Irregardless, you're wrong. I didn't say he should deal with his grandfather's death by bottling it up inside. If you cannot accept this then you are just a stubborn person.
espeir wrote:
Therefore, whenever I communicate, there's a very good chance I'm right.
No, there's a good chance you think you're right. But, since you're so vastly superior in intelligence, how could I ever assume you're anything but, oh lord espeir? Jeremy Falcon
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espeir wrote:
Well...Not having heard of Nero is pretty uneducated, but that's besides the point.
Duh, I said I did hear of him. But, that's beside the point.
espeir wrote:
The point is that every educated person derives his knowledge from what others have told him. That is pretty much the definition of education.
Maybe every educated person, but not to be a truly intelligent being. You do remember the difference don't you?
espeir wrote:
To dismiss something merely because you did not learn it from direct personal experience is ignorance.
Nobody said that was the reason. Jeremy Falcon
Jeremy Falcon wrote:
Maybe every educated person, but not to be a truly intelligent being. You do remember the difference don't you?
Yes. An educated person has the knowledge upon which he can use his intelligence. An intelligent person has no platform on which to stand.
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Jeremy Falcon wrote:
Maybe every educated person, but not to be a truly intelligent being. You do remember the difference don't you?
Yes. An educated person has the knowledge upon which he can use his intelligence. An intelligent person has no platform on which to stand.
espeir wrote:
An intelligent person has no platform on which to stand.
That depends on the context of the platform. A smart man that is stranded in the middle of nowhere with no education has a better chance of survival than an educated idiot. Also, that wasn't my point. I never said education wasn't important. But they are different aspects that you've been overlaying in attempts to belittle me because I didn't know too much about Nero. Jeremy Falcon
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My grandfather died just a few years back, 84 years old. Up 'till the last year of his life, he would still ride his dirt bike out into the fields each day, with the dogs running along side. Seeing him weaken and succumb to cancer so quickly was hard... at the same time, i know he never gave up on Life. I treasure the memories of the time i got to spend with him, and hope to be reunited again some day.
AAntix wrote:
How do you live on in peace knowing the inevitable?
Because i don't know the inevitable. Oh, sure - this body is gonna wear out and fail, as sure as the sun is gonna rise. But when, where, or how that'll happen is far from a given. Much less so what happens after that. There's a corrolary to what Steve wrote, btw: don't put your faith in things you know will fail. Enjoy what you have today, do your best to make the most of it. But if you want hope for tomorrow, you'll need to look beyond this world where all things eventually crumble and pass away.
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:rose:
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)
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code-frog wrote:
Oh, I guess I meant in a fun way.
I know you did, just offering you a nudge as a reminder for others. Don't want them to assume I am rubbing off on you. ;P We had that conversation while you were gone for a while. :laugh: _________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb)
:-D I kind of figured and the reminder was *very* good. :rose: You've already rubbed off on me though. This weekend I tried to get closer to a buck to get a better photo and I found myself wondering what Jeffry's grandfather might have to offer for advice at this moment in time. Needless to say, I didn't have the advice and consequently don't have a photo either.:sigh::-D
"You have an arrow in your butt!" - Fiona:cool:
Welcome to CP in your language. Post the unicode version in My CP Blog [ ^ ] now.People who don't understand how awesome Firefox is have never used CPhog[^]CPhog. The act of using CPhog (Firefox)[^] alone doesn't make Firefox cool. It opens your eyes to the possibilities and then you start looking for other things like CPhog (Firefox)[^] and your eyes are suddenly open to all sorts of useful things all through Firefox. - (Self Quote)