What corporate buzzwords do you hate? [modified]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Josh Smith wrote:
Buzzword: Ballpark
One of our managers uses "Ballpart". :rolleyes:
"He's got a lot on his mind - and it's not a load-bearing structure." - John Weak
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All of them. If you don't have the capacity to explain what you are trying to say without grabbing the nearest buzzword you can find then please just keep your mouth shut. But I'd have to say "touch base" is my hated buzzword de jour.
cheers, Chris Maunder
CodeProject.com : C++ MVP
Chris Maunder wrote:
If you don't have the capacity to explain what you are trying to say without grabbing the nearest buzzword you can find then please just keep your mouth shut.
Keeping ones mouth shut and ascending the corporate ladder are mutually exclusive activities.
Chris Maunder wrote:
But I'd have to say "touch base" is my hated buzzword de jour.
I wonder if that has something to do with "ballparking"??? :~
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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You're fired"
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001 -
My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
I never liked "moving/going forward". The whole concept is already handled by the fact that the speaker is now speaking [in the] future tense. Another one is "action item". It's just an action. You don't need to make action an adjective, it works just fine as a noun already.
BW
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright-- modified at 10:51 Friday 21st July, 2006
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I never liked "moving/going forward". The whole concept is already handled by the fact that the speaker is now speaking [in the] future tense. Another one is "action item". It's just an action. You don't need to make action an adjective, it works just fine as a noun already.
BW
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright-- modified at 10:51 Friday 21st July, 2006
brianwelsch wrote:
Another one is "action item". It's just an action. You don't need to make action an adjective, it works just fine as a noun already.
Good point. It's not like an "action item" has a physical representation. It's just someone doing something, typically something mundane. Perhaps "action item" is a way of making people feel like the boring things they do are actually more exciting...like an "action movie"...
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Buzzword/phrase: segmentation of duties Meaning: We want to involve more people/bureacracy just to justify our (typically management) own existence and further stomp out the idea of getting any work done.
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brianwelsch wrote:
Another one is "action item". It's just an action. You don't need to make action an adjective, it works just fine as a noun already.
Good point. It's not like an "action item" has a physical representation. It's just someone doing something, typically something mundane. Perhaps "action item" is a way of making people feel like the boring things they do are actually more exciting...like an "action movie"...
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
While not Truly a "BuzzWord" (Which in itself is an annoying name for these words..) My personal most hated exchange is the "Estimate - go - round"... You know the one..."We need a new email client to replace Outlook...How long will it take you to build it?" Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
Mike Kelly, Software Architect
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Champion (of a project / champion a project) Execute (we need to execute on this!) Solution (we need to be a Solution Provider!) Customer-facing (the sales people are customer-facing) VOC - (Voice Of the Customer) SWAG - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess In order to drive revenues in the long-term, and execute on this strategic vision, we must harness our core competencies and align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets. fnck yeah boyeee!
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 11:10 Friday 21st July, 2006
Chris Losinger wrote:
We must align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets by utilizing our core competencies in order to execute on this strategic vision.
What cracks me up when I hear people say things like that, is that they really believe that what they're saying sounds smart and important. It's comical to watch them straighten their tie, fix their hair, and then begin a harangue about that sh*t. Get a grip! ;P
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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Buzzword/phrase: segmentation of duties Meaning: We want to involve more people/bureacracy just to justify our (typically management) own existence and further stomp out the idea of getting any work done.
Tim Kohler wrote:
segmentation of duties
Ewww. That's one I've yet to encounter. I hate it already! :-D
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Although it is a technical term, I'm getting tired of hearing: Cyclomatic Complexity
-- modified at 11:09 Friday 21st July, 2006
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While not Truly a "BuzzWord" (Which in itself is an annoying name for these words..) My personal most hated exchange is the "Estimate - go - round"... You know the one..."We need a new email client to replace Outlook...How long will it take you to build it?" Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
Mike Kelly, Software Architect
Cyberhacker wrote:
Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
or... "can you give us a SWAG* ? we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time." * - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess
Do the chickens have large talons?
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Cyberhacker wrote:
Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
or... "can you give us a SWAG* ? we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time." * - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess
Do the chickens have large talons?
Chris Losinger wrote:
we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time."
:laugh: :laugh:
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/[^]
-------- "I say no to drugs, but they don't listen." - Marilyn Manson
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You're fired"
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001Except that they don't even have the balls to say that. I believe the proper form is one of the following: "Things just aren't working out." "The company is restructuring." "We're sorry, but we have to let you go." "Your position is not adding value to the company."
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
process: (it has a slightly different ring in Swedish but still... ) "We need a process before we can start working properly on the project" "We need to improve the process of how sales - R&D transfer information" "As soon as we have a process in place we will be more efficient" ARRRRGH... We are not building speceships, and we are less then half a dozen programmers. :(
_____________________________________ Action without thought is not action Action without emotion is not life
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Champion (of a project / champion a project) Execute (we need to execute on this!) Solution (we need to be a Solution Provider!) Customer-facing (the sales people are customer-facing) VOC - (Voice Of the Customer) SWAG - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess In order to drive revenues in the long-term, and execute on this strategic vision, we must harness our core competencies and align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets. fnck yeah boyeee!
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 11:10 Friday 21st July, 2006
Chris Losinger wrote:
we need to execute on this
That phrase has always sounded weird to me. Is it even correct english?
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
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..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
Sounds like you desperately need to be playing Bullshit Bingo as mentioned above! :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
1. Blamestorming: sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. 2. Seagull manager: a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. 3. Chainsaw consultant: an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. 4. Idea hampsters: people who always have their idea generators running. 5. Mouse potato: the wired generation of couch potato 6. Prairie dogging: when someone yells or drops something loudly in the cubicle farm, all the heads pop up over walls to see the excitement. 7. SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. 8. DINKs: Dual Income, No Kids. 9. Stress puppy: a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. Alpha geek: that most knowledgable tech guy/gal in your office. 11. Assmosis: process by which some employees seem to absord success by kissing up to the boss rather than actually working.
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..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
Duncan Edwards Jones wrote:
"we need to get together to touch base on the slippage"
:laugh::laugh::laugh:. Thats the best yet
