What corporate buzzwords do you hate? [modified]
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brianwelsch wrote:
Another one is "action item". It's just an action. You don't need to make action an adjective, it works just fine as a noun already.
Good point. It's not like an "action item" has a physical representation. It's just someone doing something, typically something mundane. Perhaps "action item" is a way of making people feel like the boring things they do are actually more exciting...like an "action movie"...
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
While not Truly a "BuzzWord" (Which in itself is an annoying name for these words..) My personal most hated exchange is the "Estimate - go - round"... You know the one..."We need a new email client to replace Outlook...How long will it take you to build it?" Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
Mike Kelly, Software Architect
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Champion (of a project / champion a project) Execute (we need to execute on this!) Solution (we need to be a Solution Provider!) Customer-facing (the sales people are customer-facing) VOC - (Voice Of the Customer) SWAG - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess In order to drive revenues in the long-term, and execute on this strategic vision, we must harness our core competencies and align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets. fnck yeah boyeee!
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 11:10 Friday 21st July, 2006
Chris Losinger wrote:
We must align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets by utilizing our core competencies in order to execute on this strategic vision.
What cracks me up when I hear people say things like that, is that they really believe that what they're saying sounds smart and important. It's comical to watch them straighten their tie, fix their hair, and then begin a harangue about that sh*t. Get a grip! ;P
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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Buzzword/phrase: segmentation of duties Meaning: We want to involve more people/bureacracy just to justify our (typically management) own existence and further stomp out the idea of getting any work done.
Tim Kohler wrote:
segmentation of duties
Ewww. That's one I've yet to encounter. I hate it already! :-D
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Although it is a technical term, I'm getting tired of hearing: Cyclomatic Complexity
-- modified at 11:09 Friday 21st July, 2006
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While not Truly a "BuzzWord" (Which in itself is an annoying name for these words..) My personal most hated exchange is the "Estimate - go - round"... You know the one..."We need a new email client to replace Outlook...How long will it take you to build it?" Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
Mike Kelly, Software Architect
Cyberhacker wrote:
Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
or... "can you give us a SWAG* ? we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time." * - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess
Do the chickens have large talons?
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Cyberhacker wrote:
Always followed by the "Yeah, we know you don't have a spec... but can you BALLPARK IT FOR US??".
or... "can you give us a SWAG* ? we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time." * - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess
Do the chickens have large talons?
Chris Losinger wrote:
we promise not to use it in every document we'll write on the matter from now until the project is cancelled because we told our bosses you could deliver this undefined project in that amount of time."
:laugh: :laugh:
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/[^]
-------- "I say no to drugs, but they don't listen." - Marilyn Manson
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You're fired"
"Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
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"...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001Except that they don't even have the balls to say that. I believe the proper form is one of the following: "Things just aren't working out." "The company is restructuring." "We're sorry, but we have to let you go." "Your position is not adding value to the company."
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
process: (it has a slightly different ring in Swedish but still... ) "We need a process before we can start working properly on the project" "We need to improve the process of how sales - R&D transfer information" "As soon as we have a process in place we will be more efficient" ARRRRGH... We are not building speceships, and we are less then half a dozen programmers. :(
_____________________________________ Action without thought is not action Action without emotion is not life
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Champion (of a project / champion a project) Execute (we need to execute on this!) Solution (we need to be a Solution Provider!) Customer-facing (the sales people are customer-facing) VOC - (Voice Of the Customer) SWAG - Scientific Wild-Ass Guess In order to drive revenues in the long-term, and execute on this strategic vision, we must harness our core competencies and align our core business units to deliver customer-centric solutions across all vertical markets. fnck yeah boyeee!
Do the chickens have large talons?
-- modified at 11:10 Friday 21st July, 2006
Chris Losinger wrote:
we need to execute on this
That phrase has always sounded weird to me. Is it even correct english?
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
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..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
Sounds like you desperately need to be playing Bullshit Bingo as mentioned above! :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF!
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
1. Blamestorming: sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. 2. Seagull manager: a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. 3. Chainsaw consultant: an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. 4. Idea hampsters: people who always have their idea generators running. 5. Mouse potato: the wired generation of couch potato 6. Prairie dogging: when someone yells or drops something loudly in the cubicle farm, all the heads pop up over walls to see the excitement. 7. SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. 8. DINKs: Dual Income, No Kids. 9. Stress puppy: a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. Alpha geek: that most knowledgable tech guy/gal in your office. 11. Assmosis: process by which some employees seem to absord success by kissing up to the boss rather than actually working.
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..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
Duncan Edwards Jones wrote:
"we need to get together to touch base on the slippage"
:laugh::laugh::laugh:. Thats the best yet
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..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
Duncan Edwards Jones wrote:
"we need to get together to touch base on the slippage"
I think I saw a porno which started with that line...
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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1. Blamestorming: sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. 2. Seagull manager: a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. 3. Chainsaw consultant: an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. 4. Idea hampsters: people who always have their idea generators running. 5. Mouse potato: the wired generation of couch potato 6. Prairie dogging: when someone yells or drops something loudly in the cubicle farm, all the heads pop up over walls to see the excitement. 7. SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. 8. DINKs: Dual Income, No Kids. 9. Stress puppy: a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. 10. Alpha geek: that most knowledgable tech guy/gal in your office. 11. Assmosis: process by which some employees seem to absord success by kissing up to the boss rather than actually working.
I've seen that list elsewhere. Some of those are funny! SITCOMs: An acronym for the new yuppie. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. That's satire, baby! :cool:
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
Analysis paralysis Example: "I don't want this project to become a victim of analysis paralysis!" Intended to mean: Spending too much time on analysis slows progress to a crawl. What it really means: "I'm too incompetent to actually think about what I want up front. I'd rather continually change requirements and make things up as I go." Bleeding edge Example: "We need the newest software so we can be on the bleeding edge of technology!" Intended to mean: Desire for the company to be industry technology leaders. What it really means: "I don't care if the new stuff works, I want it anyway, because then I can look cool in front of my peers who read the trade magazines." Bottom line Example: "We're not going to sell widgets in Canada, and that's the bottom line!" Intended to mean: The decision has been made and is final. What it really means: "I'm the fucking boss, so stop questioning me! Your logical arguments hold no sway against my whims!" Box, outside the Example: "That solution won't work. We need to think outside the box, people!" Intended to mean: Be clever and innovative to solve this problem. What it really means: "I can't think of a good solution either, but you guys are the morons, not me." Core competency Example: "Our company's core competency is creating widgets." Intended to mean: This is what the company does best, we are experts. What it really means: "We really don't do anything very well, but this is the thing we suck the least at, and if we use big words like "competency" maybe we can fool you." "Exciting times" Example: "With the release of Widget version 6.0, this is a very exciting time!" Intended to mean: The company has a promising future. What it really means: Has there ever in the history of corporate memos or speeches been "boring times"? Judging by CEO statements, every company at every time is "exciting". This is by far the most overused buzzword for a company describing itself. Face time Example: "I'd like to see more face time from you." Intended to mean: Try to make yourself more available. What it really means: "I don't care how productive you are, as long as you arrive before (and are seen by) upper management, and leave after upper management has left, to give them the impression my team is working hard." Fire drill Example: "The widget design is all wrong! Hurry up, it's a fire drill to fix it!" Intended to mean: This is an emergency. What it really means: "I screwed up due to poor planning and
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My top 3: Buzzword: Cycles Usage: If you have some free cycles, let me know, we have plenty of work to do. Reason for hate: I am not a machine, therefore I do not have little cogs and gears whirling around. Buzzword: Circle Back Usage: Why don't you go read my memo and then circle back to me when you get a chance. Reason for hate: What office is arranged in such a way that I could travel in a perfect circle and get tasks done? What kind of simple minded oaf thinks that life is that simple? Buzzword: Ballpark Usage: I don't need exact figures here, just ballpark it for me. Reason for hate: Ballpark is a noun. And what the hell does a ballpark have to do with an estimate?! X|
:josh: My WPF Blog[^]
-- modified at 10:34 Friday 21st July, 2006 Upon second thought, perhaps I should have phrased the question as "What corporate buzzwords do you not hate?" That would have made it much easier to write your complete answer! None!! :-D
You guys are doing it all wrong ... as these types of things come up in conversation, generally while in meetings and/or speaking with Marketing/Sales weasels, you need to create your own catch phrases and "buzz words", and act like this is all perfectly normal industry "speak", all the while, watching the person you're speaking with completely loose sight of what they asked/wanted/needed. Example [Marketing Freak] Hey Doug! We spec'd out this new value-add and wanted to you to give us a ballpark on the features. We have several big TLC players that are forcing this paradigm shift; can you give me an ETA on this right now? [Me] Well, your Use Case is weak and lacks consideration regarding multi-port security issues. We'd have to create a dual-UNICODE interface to provide adequate back-end remoting support, and should probably implement using a SSL encrypted web service; that's provided IT can even supply you with the required quad core multiprocessor server you'll need to properly distribute and handle the necessary load balance. I'd estimate no less than 6 months development time estimating the overall project scope, once you've hard lined the white paper, been approved by accounting for the necessary budget increases and have verified with Microsoft that we have the proper certifications on file to avoid copyright infringement. [Marketing Freak - trying to look like he knows what the he** I just said] Sure thing buddy! Thanks! [Me] Hey! No problem, catch ya on the Teraflop. I've found, most people stop trying to ask me anything by the time I'm done with them, or learn not to really quick. :-D
:..::. Douglas H. Troy ::..
Bad Astronomy |wxWidgets|Viksoe.dk's Site -
..absolutely every word the muppet with the blackberry who sits behind me has said in the last three hours. :wtf: Including the absolute laugh out loud phrase "we need to get together to touch base on the slippage" - ew...
'--8<------------------------ Ex Datis: Duncan Jones Merrion Computing Ltd
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Although it is a technical term, I'm getting tired of hearing: Cyclomatic Complexity
-- modified at 11:09 Friday 21st July, 2006
Paul Brower wrote:
Cyclomatic Complexity
Wa? Sounds like something to do with vacuum cleaners.
"He's got a lot on his mind, and it's not a load-bearing structure." - John Weak
