How to Hire a Programmer
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
I once had a boss who was formally a CO on a nuclear sub. His philosophy when hiring EE's(including programmers) was to ask; "What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?". If they answered "check for toilet paper" they were 90% there to getting the job. Ironically, most of his hires were very competent.
MrPlankton
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
If I were to do this, I've be 5 for 5.
Christian Graus Please read this if you don't understand the answer I've given you "also I don't think "TranslateOneToTwoBillion OneHundredAndFortySevenMillion FourHundredAndEightyThreeThousand SixHundredAndFortySeven()" is a very good choice for a function name" - SpacixOne ( offering help to someone who really needed it ) ( spaces added for the benefit of people running at < 1280x1024 )
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Robert Royall wrote:
Look for developers who love cats
check...
Robert Royall wrote:
quote Monty Python
Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door...
Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
you can even combine with the first one... "Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat." ;P
Robert Royall wrote:
play guitar
will you settle for native american flute?
Robert Royall wrote:
and are accomplished punsters
What is accomplished? does very BAD puns count as accomplished? :-D
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb) John Andrew Holmes "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
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Of course it was written in a VB tech journal... Not sure what that means :)
¡El diablo está en mis pantalones! ¡Mire, mire! Real Mentats use only 100% pure, unfooled around with Sapho Juice(tm)! SELECT * FROM User WHERE Clue > 0 0 rows returned Save an Orange - Use the VCF! VCF Blog
I debated with myself about whether to throw in a line at the end saying that despite the fact that this article is spot on, it will be dismissed by somebody because it was written by a VBer. Then I thought to myself, "nah, the CP people are cooler than that, they won't let languigism(sp?) get in the way of this brilliant article." Way to go, Jim. You really let me down. :((
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
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Robert Royall wrote:
Look for developers who love cats
check...
Robert Royall wrote:
quote Monty Python
Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door...
Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
you can even combine with the first one... "Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat." ;P
Robert Royall wrote:
play guitar
will you settle for native american flute?
Robert Royall wrote:
and are accomplished punsters
What is accomplished? does very BAD puns count as accomplished? :-D
_________________________ Asu no koto o ieba, tenjo de nezumi ga warau. Talk about things of tomorrow and the mice in the ceiling laugh. (Japanese Proverb) John Andrew Holmes "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
El Corazon wrote:
What is accomplished? does very BAD puns count as accomplished? [Big Grin]
Being able to spot a pun and groan at the horribleness of it is accomplishment enough. The rest of the world just scratches their heads and say "I don't get it."
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
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I debated with myself about whether to throw in a line at the end saying that despite the fact that this article is spot on, it will be dismissed by somebody because it was written by a VBer. Then I thought to myself, "nah, the CP people are cooler than that, they won't let languigism(sp?) get in the way of this brilliant article." Way to go, Jim. You really let me down. :((
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
I heard it said many times, "If you can't quote Monty Python verbatim, you have no business being sat in front of a computer" :) Henry Bergson
------------------------------------ "I want you to imagine I have a blaster in my hand" - Zaphod Beeblebrox. "You DO have a blaster in your hand" - Freighter Pilot "Yeah, so you don't have to tax your imagination too hard" - Zaphod Beeblebrox
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Does watching and enjoying Star Wars, Star Trek, and V in the past count? Otherwise my score is zero.
John
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Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
If I were to do this, I've be 5 for 5.
Christian Graus Please read this if you don't understand the answer I've given you "also I don't think "TranslateOneToTwoBillion OneHundredAndFortySevenMillion FourHundredAndEightyThreeThousand SixHundredAndFortySeven()" is a very good choice for a function name" - SpacixOne ( offering help to someone who really needed it ) ( spaces added for the benefit of people running at < 1280x1024 )
You hobbyist.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Love cats: I'm a client of four of them. They know who's boss (they are), and wish I was a little quicker on the uptake. Read Heinlein: I've read all of his stuff several times. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress I've read a dozen times or more. Play guitar: A long time ago, yes. Punster: Yes, much to the dismay of my family, friends, and coworkers. Am I a great developer? Beats me. I make a decent living at it.
Software Zen:
delete this; -
From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Robert Royall wrote:
love cats
Nope. I like em and their fun to visit but I never want to own one.
Robert Royall wrote:
quote Monty Python
Ok
Robert Royall wrote:
read Heinlein
See my sig :)
Robert Royall wrote:
play guitar
Does Bass Guitar count?
Robert Royall wrote:
and are accomplished punsters
Nope. I think I grew out of puns at the university since everyone else was always trying to tell the best bad pun. I suppose 3/5 isn't too bad.
Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity. --Lazarus Long
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Now that is really funny. He asked me those exact questions in a job interview with him(or someone with the same name) a few months ago.
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
i hate monty python. it's so boring. maybe im the only geek in the world that hasn't watched more than the one legged hopping knight bit.
----------------------------------------------------------- "When I first saw it, I just thought that you really, really enjoyed programming in java." - Leslie Sanford
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I once had a boss who was formally a CO on a nuclear sub. His philosophy when hiring EE's(including programmers) was to ask; "What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?". If they answered "check for toilet paper" they were 90% there to getting the job. Ironically, most of his hires were very competent.
MrPlankton
"What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?" I thought it was the ballast/presure valves being shut...I've heard some pretty funny stories about what happens when the valves are not set correctly (my brother was a bubblehead, I was aviation hunting those buggers).
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Cats: I loathe them. Monty Python: Never watched. Heinlein: Never heard of him (her?) Play guitar: Never touched one. Punster: Aaah, my saving grace. :-D
Cheers, Vikram.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
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I once had a boss who was formally a CO on a nuclear sub. His philosophy when hiring EE's(including programmers) was to ask; "What's the first thing you do when you go to the head?". If they answered "check for toilet paper" they were 90% there to getting the job. Ironically, most of his hires were very competent.
MrPlankton
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Cats: Indifferent, but highly allergic Monty Python: I worship at the alter of Graham, Terry, Terry, Michael, Eric, and John. (including Terry Gilliam's movies e.g., Brazil) Heinlein: No, but I read a ton of sci-fi. Play guitar: Barely, but I can play a lot of other instruments with anywhere from beginner to expert proficiency. Punster: Eh. Can I substitue a love of Mel Brooks or Douglas Adams for this one? I'm not terrible, but not great. EDIT: Fixed punctuation Have faith in yourself; amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic.
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Cats: I loathe them. Monty Python: Never watched. Heinlein: Never heard of him (her?) Play guitar: Never touched one. Punster: Aaah, my saving grace. :-D
Cheers, Vikram.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
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From http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=hire.txt[^]... So there you have it. Look for developers who love cats, quote Monty Python, read Heinlein, play guitar, and are accomplished punsters. If you find all these characteristics in a single individual, hire that person immediately - confident you're hiring a truly great developer.
Imagine that you are hired to build a bridge over a river. The river gets slightly wider every day; sometimes it shrinks but nobody can predict when. Your contract says you can't use concrete or steel - the client only provides timber and cut stone (but won't tell you what kind). Gravity changes from hour to hour, as does the viscosity of air. Your only tools are a hacksaw, a chainsaw, a rubber mallet, and a length of rope. Welcome to my world. -Me explaining my job to an engineer
Also in that article: "I've witnessed online pun-fests that lasted as long as a week, with as many as 30 programmers trying to outdo each other." Now would you hire a 'grammer that spends a week online in a pun-fest...? Imagine how much work they got done! :wtf: