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  3. If Programming Languages Were Religions

If Programming Languages Were Religions

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  • D Dave Sexton

    C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it. Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake. PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned. C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers. C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it. Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense. Haskell would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but

    realJSOPR Offline
    realJSOPR Offline
    realJSOP
    wrote on last edited by
    #2

    Re-post...

    "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
    -----
    "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

    D 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • realJSOPR realJSOP

      Re-post...

      "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
      -----
      "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

      D Offline
      D Offline
      Dave Sexton
      wrote on last edited by
      #3

      Dang! Seriously? I checked the last 20 or so topics on my feed to avoid repost... Apologies to all.

      But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
      Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
      I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

      realJSOPR B 2 Replies Last reply
      0
      • D Dave Sexton

        Dang! Seriously? I checked the last 20 or so topics on my feed to avoid repost... Apologies to all.

        But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
        Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
        I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

        realJSOPR Offline
        realJSOPR Offline
        realJSOP
        wrote on last edited by
        #4

        Try *days* ago. Why didn't you just do a search of the forum for the last 5 or 6 days?

        "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
        -----
        "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

        D L T 3 Replies Last reply
        0
        • D Dave Sexton

          Dang! Seriously? I checked the last 20 or so topics on my feed to avoid repost... Apologies to all.

          But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
          Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
          I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

          B Offline
          B Offline
          benjymous
          wrote on last edited by
          #5

          The original blog post that came from was posted on Monday. I'm guessing you received that by email by someone who decided not to attribute the original source[^]

          Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit! Buzzwords!

          D 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • realJSOPR realJSOP

            Try *days* ago. Why didn't you just do a search of the forum for the last 5 or 6 days?

            "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
            -----
            "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

            D Offline
            D Offline
            Dave Sexton
            wrote on last edited by
            #6

            Honestly? Laziness.

            But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
            Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
            I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

            realJSOPR 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • D Dave Sexton

              Honestly? Laziness.

              But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
              Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
              I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

              realJSOPR Offline
              realJSOPR Offline
              realJSOP
              wrote on last edited by
              #7

              Ahhhh... You're a programmer (we're all inherently lazy). :)

              "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
              -----
              "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • B benjymous

                The original blog post that came from was posted on Monday. I'm guessing you received that by email by someone who decided not to attribute the original source[^]

                Help me! I'm turning into a grapefruit! Buzzwords!

                D Offline
                D Offline
                Dave Sexton
                wrote on last edited by
                #8

                Bingo. Feeling a little sheepish about it too as it appeared in the CP daily news as well. Ah well... Such is life.

                But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
                Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
                I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

                P 1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • realJSOPR realJSOP

                  Try *days* ago. Why didn't you just do a search of the forum for the last 5 or 6 days?

                  "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
                  -----
                  "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

                  L Offline
                  L Offline
                  Le centriste
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #9

                  Beside Christian Graus, nobody does that.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • D Dave Sexton

                    Bingo. Feeling a little sheepish about it too as it appeared in the CP daily news as well. Ah well... Such is life.

                    But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
                    Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
                    I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen

                    P Offline
                    P Offline
                    PIEBALDconsult
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #10

                    Not my life.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • realJSOPR realJSOP

                      Try *days* ago. Why didn't you just do a search of the forum for the last 5 or 6 days?

                      "Why don't you tie a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up and eat your candy ass..." - Dale Earnhardt, 1997
                      -----
                      "...the staggering layers of obscenity in your statement make it a work of art on so many levels." - Jason Jystad, 10/26/2001

                      T Offline
                      T Offline
                      The Cake of Deceit
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #11

                      You can't search the Lounge.

                      People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes)(The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-3)

                      D 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • T The Cake of Deceit

                        You can't search the Lounge.

                        People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. - Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes)(The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes, p105-3)

                        D Offline
                        D Offline
                        Dan Neely
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #12

                        I beg to differ. Look at the search box above the posts. Type "Program Languages were religions" into it. CLick go. :doh:

                        Today's lesson is brought to you by the word "niggardly". Remember kids, don't attribute to racism what can be explained by Scandinavian language roots. -- Robert Royall

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • D Dave Sexton

                          C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it. Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake. PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned. C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers. C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it. Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense. Haskell would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but

                          N Offline
                          N Offline
                          Nagaraj Muthuchamy
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #13

                          Erlang would be Hinduism - It's another strange language that doesn't look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it's built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities. What do you mean by these words "doesn't look like it could be used for anything"? Do you really know When "Hinduism" has begun?

                          Programmer (ror)

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