Useless corporate instructions...
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
* Print on both sides of paper
Does that mean that I will have to return my copy of '1066 And All That'? It clearly states in Test Paper V that I should, under no circumstances, attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
Henry Minute Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?" “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”
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Freaky, I was going to post something like this at about about an hour ago, but I hadn't seen your thread. For what it's worth we have: 1. A no food at desk policy. Somehow this is justified as health and safety. Obviously it's better in the middle of a pandemic to cram everyone into a small, humid canteen. 2. Posters showing us how to wear our photo-id security passes. Helpfully, they provide pictures incase we can't understand the instructions. Just in case you don't know: a) Back to front, showing magnetic strip instead of mugshot: WRONG b) Mugshot upside-down: WRONG c) Mugshot facing forward and correct way up: CORRECT I work in the finance sector, and every stupid and/or illogical policy has been applied under either the banner of "Health & Safety" or "Security".:mad::mad:
We have the no food at desk policy as well, along with the instructions for how to sneeze correctly and wash hands correctly posted at many points throughout the building. We are fortunate, too, that our company cares enough that they went through the office and removed all coat racks due to the protruding posts that the coats hang on. These are a clear and present danger to everyone and could potentially poke your eye out.
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Somehow reminds me of this thread from TDWTF http://thedailywtf.com/articles/an-office-safety-psa.aspx[^] This cracks me up: To try to prevent injury to people walking into the first aid box we have placed a plant next to it, yes that means that if you are not watching where you are going you are going to have to deal with the plant before you have to deal with the big metal box on the wall.
Was it a rubber plant??
"The activity of 'debugging', or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed." - "Datamation", January 15, 1984
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Yea the UK is much worse. Once while working as a contractor there, I had to watch a 30 minute saftey video and sign a waiver saying I wouldn't sue if I got carpal tunnel. I highly doubt I would get it in 5 days!!! Although, I should have sued for the crappy television.
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We have a disclaimer that is tacked onto every e-mail stating that you are forbidden to read the message if it was not intended for you. Of course you only get to that part after reading the whole message… :wtf:
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
A while back there was a case of MRSA[^] and for about 2 months my workplace was plastered with CDC posters captioned "Sharing Isn't Always Caring" and reminding us not to share razors, towels, etc. X| I've wondered since if the suites at the CDC and my company both were aware that the sharing is caring line came from a risque song by Tom Lehrer[^] or if some junior minion pulled a fast one on everyone. :cool:
The latest nation. Procrastination.
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
Next time you are asked for a report, print it with 42 pages on a sheet. If enough people do so, you may find a change in policy in the future. :-D
"A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"
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Next time you are asked for a report, print it with 42 pages on a sheet. If enough people do so, you may find a change in policy in the future. :-D
"A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"
:laugh: Nice one! I'll have to try that!
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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A while back there was a case of MRSA[^] and for about 2 months my workplace was plastered with CDC posters captioned "Sharing Isn't Always Caring" and reminding us not to share razors, towels, etc. X| I've wondered since if the suites at the CDC and my company both were aware that the sharing is caring line came from a risque song by Tom Lehrer[^] or if some junior minion pulled a fast one on everyone. :cool:
The latest nation. Procrastination.
dan neely wrote:
and reminding us not to share razors
Does ANYONE share razors at work?? What a stupid thing to say!!!
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
ROFL All of the posts in this thread have me ROFL. TFF! :laugh: :thumbsup:
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
* Try printing with more than one page per sheet
We have the exact opposite posted! Turns out that our management saves every piece of paper and tries to get us to put it in our laser printers and copiers to reuse the other side. This is a big no-no since the first laser/copy pass curls the paper slightly, and that's not to mention the staples (!) and mutilated holes where they once lived that also decimate our equipment. All because they asked a copier tech once if we are allowed to use 'recycled' paper in our machines... :wtf: X|
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dan neely wrote:
and reminding us not to share razors
Does ANYONE share razors at work?? What a stupid thing to say!!!
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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Just in case we forget how to wash our hands a notice above the sinks reminds us:- - Wet - Soap - Wash - Rinse - Dry It also includes pictures of how to do all of these for those that can't read or just can't remember what soap is.
Ours includes another step, to help stop the spread of Swine Flu. Use a paper towel to turn off the tap. This generic poster is in every loo, including the small one that only has a hand-dryer, no paper towels...
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Thou art expostulating theological doctrine to the temple criers :)
The latest nation. Procrastination.
dan neely wrote:
Thou art expostulating theological doctrine to the temple criers
Brilliant line :)
But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen -
Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
The best one I saw was instructions on what to do in case of fire in a Maracaibo, Venezuela office where I worked for years. On the bullet list it said "No se quite la ropa." which translates to "Don't take off your clothes." I always wondered if that was really a problem. I never would have thought about taking my clothes off in case of a fire, but to each their own, I guess ...
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E. Comport Computing Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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dan neely wrote:
Thou art expostulating theological doctrine to the temple criers
Brilliant line :)
But fortunately we have the nanny-state politicians who can step in to protect us poor stupid consumers, most of whom would not know a JVM from a frozen chicken. Bruce Pierson
Because programming is an art, not a science. Marc Clifton
I gave up when I couldn't spell "egg". Justine Allen -
Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
It all started some years back when that ding bat spilled coffee in her lap at a drive thru and sued McDonalds or B/K or whoever. Nowadays c-stores have signs warning you that the coffee is hot, the floor is wet, that gas is flammable, etc. Some places even lowered the temp on their coffee. I outsmarted them though: I pour the coffee then stick it in a microwave. I'm a trucker, and a company I worked for - in the interest of safety - put these "Get Out and Look" signs on the rear view mirrors. Yep, you had to get out and look. The sign blocked a third of the mirror. Almost got fired for pulling mine off. What a world we live in... :-D
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Just got a mail through from the powers that be instructing us on how to save paper whilst printing; which basically listed: * Try printing with more than one page per sheet * Print on both sides of paper Well duh. At the last place I worked, they had instructions, and this is no joke, on how to walk down the stairs. Instructions included: * Take one step at a time * Use the handrails * Don't rush I'm not making this up, these bloody notices were stuck everywhere. Damn suing culture. :mad: I want to reply back instructing them to stop clogging up my ******* inbox with useless information which is wasting my ******* time. But I want to keep this job, so I'll just suck it up. :sigh:
"...great scott!" Dilbert: Aren't all meetings like this... Richard Dawkins: "What if you're wrong?"
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:-D Wish I could claim to've originated it; I don't recall where I stole it from.
The latest nation. Procrastination.
modified on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 3:26 PM
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1.21 Gigawatts wrote:
* Try printing with more than one page per sheet
We have the exact opposite posted! Turns out that our management saves every piece of paper and tries to get us to put it in our laser printers and copiers to reuse the other side. This is a big no-no since the first laser/copy pass curls the paper slightly, and that's not to mention the staples (!) and mutilated holes where they once lived that also decimate our equipment. All because they asked a copier tech once if we are allowed to use 'recycled' paper in our machines... :wtf: X|
We ended up trashing 3 nice big workgroup type printers over a period of 2 years due to all the accumulated ink and garbage falling off the "recycled" paper. Our savings of a few reams of paper cost about $22000. At $40/box for paper, that's a lot of paper we had to save.