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  3. Best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe

Best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved The Lounge
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  • R Offline
    R Offline
    R Giskard Reventlov
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

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    • R R Giskard Reventlov

      Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

      "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

      0 Offline
      0 Offline
      0bx
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      I agree and I'm participating a chess tournament right now. Playing chess for 9 days in a row may be a little bit too much (fun). :p Some jokes would probably be funnier in the proper context, but 2 and 3 are just lame.

      Giraffes are not real.

      CPalliniC 1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • 0 0bx

        I agree and I'm participating a chess tournament right now. Playing chess for 9 days in a row may be a little bit too much (fun). :p Some jokes would probably be funnier in the proper context, but 2 and 3 are just lame.

        Giraffes are not real.

        CPalliniC Offline
        CPalliniC Offline
        CPallini
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        Do you study chess? Could you please suggest me a good book for starting?

        If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation, I would have recommended something simpler. -- Alfonso the Wise, 13th Century King of Castile.
        This is going on my arrogant assumptions. You may have a superb reason why I'm completely wrong. -- Iain Clarke
        [My articles]

        In testa che avete, signor di Ceprano?

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        • CPalliniC CPallini

          Do you study chess? Could you please suggest me a good book for starting?

          If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation, I would have recommended something simpler. -- Alfonso the Wise, 13th Century King of Castile.
          This is going on my arrogant assumptions. You may have a superb reason why I'm completely wrong. -- Iain Clarke
          [My articles]

          D Offline
          D Offline
          Dalek Dave
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          I lost one of my chess pieces recently. Luckily there is a pawn shop near me.

          ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

          L CPalliniC 3 Replies Last reply
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          • R R Giskard Reventlov

            Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

            "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

            R Offline
            R Offline
            Rhuros
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            Yeah thought 2, 5 & 10 were funnier....

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • D Dalek Dave

              I lost one of my chess pieces recently. Luckily there is a pawn shop near me.

              ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

              L Offline
              L Offline
              Lost User
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              They're crooks

              MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

              N 1 Reply Last reply
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              • D Dalek Dave

                I lost one of my chess pieces recently. Luckily there is a pawn shop near me.

                ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                L Offline
                L Offline
                Lost User
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                Dalek Dave wrote:

                Luckily there is a pawn shop near me.

                So, there must be a stable too?

                1 Reply Last reply
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                • L Lost User

                  They're crooks

                  MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                  N Offline
                  N Offline
                  Nagy Vilmos
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  But I'm safe in my Castle!


                  Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                  D L 2 Replies Last reply
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                  • D Dalek Dave

                    I lost one of my chess pieces recently. Luckily there is a pawn shop near me.

                    ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                    CPalliniC Offline
                    CPalliniC Offline
                    CPallini
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    But that doesn't answer my question so now I'm stale, mate. :)

                    If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation, I would have recommended something simpler. -- Alfonso the Wise, 13th Century King of Castile.
                    This is going on my arrogant assumptions. You may have a superb reason why I'm completely wrong. -- Iain Clarke
                    [My articles]

                    In testa che avete, signor di Ceprano?

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • N Nagy Vilmos

                      But I'm safe in my Castle!


                      Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                      D Offline
                      D Offline
                      Dalek Dave
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      As an atheist I often attack the clergy. But, this time, I shall resist the urge to bash the bishop.

                      ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                      N 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • D Dalek Dave

                        As an atheist I often attack the clergy. But, this time, I shall resist the urge to bash the bishop.

                        ------------------------------------ I will never again mention that I was the poster of the One Millionth Lounge Post, nor that it was complete drivel. Dalek Dave CCC Link[^] Trolls[^]

                        N Offline
                        N Offline
                        Nagy Vilmos
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        Across the Kingdom people agree that was a bad pun.


                        Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • R R Giskard Reventlov

                          Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

                          "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

                          L Offline
                          L Offline
                          Lost User
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          10 then 5. 3 and 6 are re-hashed (but then I am very, very old).

                          Truth, Justice ... or the American way? - Trad.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • CPalliniC CPallini

                            Do you study chess? Could you please suggest me a good book for starting?

                            If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation, I would have recommended something simpler. -- Alfonso the Wise, 13th Century King of Castile.
                            This is going on my arrogant assumptions. You may have a superb reason why I'm completely wrong. -- Iain Clarke
                            [My articles]

                            0 Offline
                            0 Offline
                            0bx
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            I don't use books myself, but I suggest you get some good training software. Chess mentor is a series of challenges, covering all aspects of the game in depth from complete newb, through tactics to advanced strategic concepts. It's expensive, but contains about a thousand pages of theory to explain all the challenges, so it's worth more than 10 books imo. You learn 99% of the game by practicing tactics, which you can do for free here. Furthermore you need a strong chess engine like Fritz and Rybka; it can analyse the games you played and give you clues on where you went wrong. It usually comes with a giant database with a lot of games you can study and an opening book for reference. Finally, hit the chess Youtube channels. Jerry from the ChessNetwork for example has a series of strong games which he analyses with you in 30 minute video's as well as playing blitz games with live commentary. There are some others, but I can't remember the from the top of my head. You can really learn a lot from those people.

                            Giraffes are not real.

                            CPalliniC 1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • 0 0bx

                              I don't use books myself, but I suggest you get some good training software. Chess mentor is a series of challenges, covering all aspects of the game in depth from complete newb, through tactics to advanced strategic concepts. It's expensive, but contains about a thousand pages of theory to explain all the challenges, so it's worth more than 10 books imo. You learn 99% of the game by practicing tactics, which you can do for free here. Furthermore you need a strong chess engine like Fritz and Rybka; it can analyse the games you played and give you clues on where you went wrong. It usually comes with a giant database with a lot of games you can study and an opening book for reference. Finally, hit the chess Youtube channels. Jerry from the ChessNetwork for example has a series of strong games which he analyses with you in 30 minute video's as well as playing blitz games with live commentary. There are some others, but I can't remember the from the top of my head. You can really learn a lot from those people.

                              Giraffes are not real.

                              CPalliniC Offline
                              CPalliniC Offline
                              CPallini
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #14

                              Thank you very much. :)

                              If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation, I would have recommended something simpler. -- Alfonso the Wise, 13th Century King of Castile.
                              This is going on my arrogant assumptions. You may have a superb reason why I'm completely wrong. -- Iain Clarke
                              [My articles]

                              In testa che avete, signor di Ceprano?

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • N Nagy Vilmos

                                But I'm safe in my Castle!


                                Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                                L Offline
                                L Offline
                                Lost User
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #15

                                Stop horseing around (*I know, I know - it's not called a hose! Better call it a night)

                                MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                                N 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • L Lost User

                                  Stop horseing around (*I know, I know - it's not called a hose! Better call it a night)

                                  MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                                  N Offline
                                  N Offline
                                  Nagy Vilmos
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #16

                                  Aren't you the bitchy queen today!


                                  Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                                  L 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • R R Giskard Reventlov

                                    Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

                                    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

                                    W Offline
                                    W Offline
                                    wizardzz
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #17

                                    I made it a goal to perform there someday. I am glad to see a local funnyman made the top 3 (#3 Buress), however, it is not a great joke.

                                    "I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. " — Hunter S. Thompson My comedy.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • N Nagy Vilmos

                                      Aren't you the bitchy queen today!


                                      Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done. Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DD Ethel Crudacre I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

                                      L Offline
                                      L Offline
                                      Lost User
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #18

                                      I read your reply by email this morning, and without e context I couldn't remember what I had posted last night! Next ti e I'll write a draght first, to checkers right

                                      MVVM# - See how I did MVVM my way ___________________________________________ Man, you're a god. - walterhevedeich 26/05/2011 .\\axxx (That's an 'M')

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • R R Giskard Reventlov

                                        Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest[^]. I thought numbers 5 and 10 the funniest.

                                        "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair. nils illegitimus carborundum me, me, me

                                        B Offline
                                        B Offline
                                        Brendan Costigan
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #19

                                        2012[^]

                                        All round good guy.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
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