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It sucks being a senior

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  • M Offline
    M Offline
    Mike Hankey
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

    New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
    I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

    N T G 9 4 Replies Last reply
    0
    • M Mike Hankey

      She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

      New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
      I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

      N Offline
      N Offline
      Nish Nishant
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

      Regards, Nish


      Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

      M R 2 Replies Last reply
      0
      • N Nish Nishant

        A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

        Regards, Nish


        Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

        M Offline
        M Offline
        Mike Hankey
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        Now you're talking...

        New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
        I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

        N 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • M Mike Hankey

          Now you're talking...

          New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
          I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

          N Offline
          N Offline
          Nish Nishant
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          Mike Hankey wrote:

          Now you're talking...

          "What? I can't hear you. Can you speak louder?"

          Regards, Nish


          Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • M Mike Hankey

            She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

            New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
            I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

            T Offline
            T Offline
            thatraja
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            Mike Hankey wrote:

            Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

            :thumbsup: This reminded me of @wizardzz 's reply[^] to DD. That's 4 years old one but still thank you for reminder.

            thatraja

            Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

            M 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • T thatraja

              Mike Hankey wrote:

              Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

              :thumbsup: This reminded me of @wizardzz 's reply[^] to DD. That's 4 years old one but still thank you for reminder.

              thatraja

              Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

              M Offline
              M Offline
              Mike Hankey
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

              New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
              I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

              T Sander RosselS T 3 Replies Last reply
              0
              • M Mike Hankey

                Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

                New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                T Offline
                T Offline
                thatraja
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                Possibly busy with his band

                thatraja

                Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

                M 1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • T thatraja

                  Possibly busy with his band

                  thatraja

                  Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

                  M Offline
                  M Offline
                  Mike Hankey
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                  New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                  I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                  T W 2 Replies Last reply
                  0
                  • M Mike Hankey

                    He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                    New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                    I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                    T Offline
                    T Offline
                    thatraja
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    I was wrong & you're right. He was just standup. That night[^]

                    thatraja

                    Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • M Mike Hankey

                      She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

                      New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                      I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                      G Offline
                      G Offline
                      GuyThiebaut
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #10

                      A young lady of the night was hired by an old man's son to give his father some fun for his birthday. She turned up on the old man's doorstep in her most revealing, but tasteful, clothing "I'm here to offer you super sex" to which the old man replied "I think I will have the soup".

                      “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

                      ― Christopher Hitchens

                      M 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • G GuyThiebaut

                        A young lady of the night was hired by an old man's son to give his father some fun for his birthday. She turned up on the old man's doorstep in her most revealing, but tasteful, clothing "I'm here to offer you super sex" to which the old man replied "I think I will have the soup".

                        “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

                        ― Christopher Hitchens

                        M Offline
                        M Offline
                        Mike Hankey
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #11

                        :thumbsup:

                        New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                        I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • M Mike Hankey

                          Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

                          New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                          I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                          Sander RosselS Offline
                          Sander RosselS Offline
                          Sander Rossel
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #12

                          Actually he was here not so long ago, two or three weeks. Said "hi" and disappeared again :sigh:

                          Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                          Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                          Regards, Sander

                          W 1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • M Mike Hankey

                            Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

                            New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                            I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                            T Offline
                            T Offline
                            TheGreatAndPowerfulOz
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #13

                            The last time he posted was 5 days ago...

                            #SupportHeForShe Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • M Mike Hankey

                              She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

                              New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                              I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                              9 Offline
                              9 Offline
                              9082365
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #14

                              Entering my 55th year I got a three legged dog to attract interesting women. And it worked. The dog meets interesting women every day. I, on the other hand, have apparently become invisible. :(

                              I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • N Nish Nishant

                                A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

                                Regards, Nish


                                Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

                                R Offline
                                R Offline
                                Roger Wright
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #15

                                :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm going to have to try that...

                                Will Rogers never met me.

                                R 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • R Roger Wright

                                  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm going to have to try that...

                                  Will Rogers never met me.

                                  R Offline
                                  R Offline
                                  Rob Manderson
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #16

                                  Didn't work! :laugh:

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • Sander RosselS Sander Rossel

                                    Actually he was here not so long ago, two or three weeks. Said "hi" and disappeared again :sigh:

                                    Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                                    Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                                    Regards, Sander

                                    W Offline
                                    W Offline
                                    wizardzz
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #17

                                    hi

                                    Sander RosselS 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • M Mike Hankey

                                      He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                                      New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                                      I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                                      W Offline
                                      W Offline
                                      wizardzz
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #18

                                      Hi Mike. Still doing the standup! I host a monthly showcase in Chicago and host a weekly open mic, even had some semi-famous comics stop by! I started a new job last month after 4.5 years at my old place, so I'll be here posting questions as I learn the new gig's tech stack!

                                      M 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • W wizardzz

                                        hi

                                        Sander RosselS Offline
                                        Sander RosselS Offline
                                        Sander Rossel
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #19

                                        hello

                                        Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                                        Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                                        Regards, Sander

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • W wizardzz

                                          Hi Mike. Still doing the standup! I host a monthly showcase in Chicago and host a weekly open mic, even had some semi-famous comics stop by! I started a new job last month after 4.5 years at my old place, so I'll be here posting questions as I learn the new gig's tech stack!

                                          M Offline
                                          M Offline
                                          Mike Hankey
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #20

                                          Glad to hear your doing good wiz. When people stop posting on cp it's usually because they have a life and get busy with it but sometimes it's a more serious reason, glad yours is the former.

                                          New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                                          I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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