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It sucks being a senior

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  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

    She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

    New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
    I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

    N Offline
    N Offline
    Nish Nishant
    wrote on last edited by
    #2

    A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

    Regards, Nish


    Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

    Mike HankeyM R 2 Replies Last reply
    0
    • N Nish Nishant

      A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

      Regards, Nish


      Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

      Mike HankeyM Offline
      Mike HankeyM Offline
      Mike Hankey
      wrote on last edited by
      #3

      Now you're talking...

      New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
      I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

      N 1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

        Now you're talking...

        New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
        I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

        N Offline
        N Offline
        Nish Nishant
        wrote on last edited by
        #4

        Mike Hankey wrote:

        Now you're talking...

        "What? I can't hear you. Can you speak louder?"

        Regards, Nish


        Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

          She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

          New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
          I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

          T Offline
          T Offline
          thatraja
          wrote on last edited by
          #5

          Mike Hankey wrote:

          Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

          :thumbsup: This reminded me of @wizardzz 's reply[^] to DD. That's 4 years old one but still thank you for reminder.

          thatraja

          Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

          Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • T thatraja

            Mike Hankey wrote:

            Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

            :thumbsup: This reminded me of @wizardzz 's reply[^] to DD. That's 4 years old one but still thank you for reminder.

            thatraja

            Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

            Mike HankeyM Offline
            Mike HankeyM Offline
            Mike Hankey
            wrote on last edited by
            #6

            Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

            New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
            I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

            T Sander RosselS T 3 Replies Last reply
            0
            • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

              Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

              New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
              I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

              T Offline
              T Offline
              thatraja
              wrote on last edited by
              #7

              Possibly busy with his band

              thatraja

              Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

              Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • T thatraja

                Possibly busy with his band

                thatraja

                Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

                Mike HankeyM Offline
                Mike HankeyM Offline
                Mike Hankey
                wrote on last edited by
                #8

                He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                T W 2 Replies Last reply
                0
                • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                  He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                  New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                  I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                  T Offline
                  T Offline
                  thatraja
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #9

                  I was wrong & you're right. He was just standup. That night[^]

                  thatraja

                  Coming soon1 | Coming soon2 | Coming soon3New

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                    She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

                    New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                    I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                    G Offline
                    G Offline
                    GuyThiebaut
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #10

                    A young lady of the night was hired by an old man's son to give his father some fun for his birthday. She turned up on the old man's doorstep in her most revealing, but tasteful, clothing "I'm here to offer you super sex" to which the old man replied "I think I will have the soup".

                    “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

                    ― Christopher Hitchens

                    Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • G GuyThiebaut

                      A young lady of the night was hired by an old man's son to give his father some fun for his birthday. She turned up on the old man's doorstep in her most revealing, but tasteful, clothing "I'm here to offer you super sex" to which the old man replied "I think I will have the soup".

                      “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

                      ― Christopher Hitchens

                      Mike HankeyM Offline
                      Mike HankeyM Offline
                      Mike Hankey
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #11

                      :thumbsup:

                      New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                      I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                        Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

                        New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                        I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                        Sander RosselS Offline
                        Sander RosselS Offline
                        Sander Rossel
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #12

                        Actually he was here not so long ago, two or three weeks. Said "hi" and disappeared again :sigh:

                        Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                        Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                        Regards, Sander

                        W 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                          Good memory I had forgot that...wonder what ever happened to wizardzz, haven't heard from him a a long time.

                          New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                          I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                          T Offline
                          T Offline
                          TheGreatAndPowerfulOz
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #13

                          The last time he posted was 5 days ago...

                          #SupportHeForShe Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                            She's single... She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my kids?"

                            New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                            I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                            9 Offline
                            9 Offline
                            9082365
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #14

                            Entering my 55th year I got a three legged dog to attract interesting women. And it worked. The dog meets interesting women every day. I, on the other hand, have apparently become invisible. :(

                            I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • N Nish Nishant

                              A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon." On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend."

                              Regards, Nish


                              Website: www.voidnish.com Blog: voidnish.wordpress.com

                              R Offline
                              R Offline
                              Roger Wright
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #15

                              :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm going to have to try that...

                              Will Rogers never met me.

                              R 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • R Roger Wright

                                :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm going to have to try that...

                                Will Rogers never met me.

                                R Offline
                                R Offline
                                Rob Manderson
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #16

                                Didn't work! :laugh:

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • Sander RosselS Sander Rossel

                                  Actually he was here not so long ago, two or three weeks. Said "hi" and disappeared again :sigh:

                                  Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                                  Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                                  Regards, Sander

                                  W Offline
                                  W Offline
                                  wizardzz
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #17

                                  hi

                                  Sander RosselS 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • Mike HankeyM Mike Hankey

                                    He is/was a standup also wasn't he?

                                    New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                                    I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                                    W Offline
                                    W Offline
                                    wizardzz
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #18

                                    Hi Mike. Still doing the standup! I host a monthly showcase in Chicago and host a weekly open mic, even had some semi-famous comics stop by! I started a new job last month after 4.5 years at my old place, so I'll be here posting questions as I learn the new gig's tech stack!

                                    Mike HankeyM 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • W wizardzz

                                      hi

                                      Sander RosselS Offline
                                      Sander RosselS Offline
                                      Sander Rossel
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #19

                                      hello

                                      Read my (free) ebook Object-Oriented Programming in C# Succinctly. Visit my blog at Sander's bits - Writing the code you need. Or read my articles here on CodeProject.

                                      Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. — Edsger W. Dijkstra

                                      Regards, Sander

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • W wizardzz

                                        Hi Mike. Still doing the standup! I host a monthly showcase in Chicago and host a weekly open mic, even had some semi-famous comics stop by! I started a new job last month after 4.5 years at my old place, so I'll be here posting questions as I learn the new gig's tech stack!

                                        Mike HankeyM Offline
                                        Mike HankeyM Offline
                                        Mike Hankey
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #20

                                        Glad to hear your doing good wiz. When people stop posting on cp it's usually because they have a life and get busy with it but sometimes it's a more serious reason, glad yours is the former.

                                        New version: WinHeist Version 2.2.2 Beta
                                        I told my psychiatrist that I was hearing voices in my head. He said you don't have a psychiatrist!

                                        1 Reply Last reply
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