The joys of being "the computer guy" (rant)
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As the "computer guy" I got in the habit of telling people to bring their computer to my house to fix it. You'd be surprised how lazy people are in that they can't even be bothered to drop a computer off to be repaired for free. Got me out of 98% of requested repairs. :-D
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I shut-down my family’s access to my 'computer guy' abilities when I was about your age (10 years ago). For me, it came-down to basic human consideration (or lack thereof). I had a strong desire to be kind, help, and do so without expecting anything in return. What I accomplished was to communicate that I exist to help them with their computer problems... Any problem, any time, regardless of what was happening in my life. I was expected to accommodate them without cognition (apparently by either of us) that I too needed basic consideration. I didn’t realize that I did have a price: Consideration for me, and my need for them to attempt to learn (however much they were capable) to fend for themselves… Yet, they always wanted me to bring them a "fish", and I needed to see them desire to learn to fish themselves, even if they could only catch a bluegill, and I always brought them tuna steaks. I resigned when I literally was told that I was supposed to help them whenever they asked. It is up to each of us to decide how much we allow others to disrespect our time. I found my limit. I recommend dealing with it effectively before it can harm you & your relations.
cmkrnl wrote:
I resigned when I literally was told that I was supposed to help them whenever they asked. It is up to each of us to decide how much we allow others to disrespect our time. I found my limit. I recommend dealing with it effectively before it can harm you & your relations.
My sister pushed me over that limit when I asked her to sit and watch how I fixed a problem she kept running across a few years ago. She insisted I just fix it again whenever it happened and *refused* to try to sit and learn (and yes, it's the same sister who gave my name to that friend of hers).
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I normally use the great technique of recommending only what I would buy and am comfortable supporting. Generally, these are relatively expensive, and almost no one EVER follows my recommendations. In return, when there are problems, "I would help had you followed my recommendation, but I don't know the technology you've chosen; sorry." :)
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What happened?
Actual outcome? Had dinner at a restaurant with my folks yesterday evening and came back late; no phonecall, no follow-up, nothing. The laptop's still here (obviously), and I'm *not* gonna be the one calling her to enquire - but setting it up will be on my own schedule (some weekend, not a workday evening). She's gonna have to take it or leave it.
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Nope. If you have her address just ship it to her instead of dropping it off.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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So my sister apparently told a friend of hers that I'm "the computer guy" in the family, so of course I got a call around the middle of last month. She wanted to buy a "newer" computer - she even asked me if I had a second-hand computer I could sell her. I honestly don't, but even if I did, then while my machines work for me, I see no reason anything couldn't flake out a month from now, so if I sell one of my machines I don't want anything to do with it from that point forward--I'm not in the business of selling hardware. She doesn't have much money to spend, but I did convince her it would be a better idea to get a laptop from Wal-Mart (plenty good for her described needs) as it'll come with a warranty and what-not. I have no problem telling people to get PCs/laptops from Wal-Mart, given that their employees don't know their products and don't give a damn about them, so if there's any reason to ask for an exchange or refund, they treat it like it was a toaster; basically no questions asked, whereas if purchased from a more reputable computer store, then requests for exchanges/refunds are typically met with a little more resistance. Aside: While I can certainly understand some people's financial predicaments, man, I *hate* having to make recommendations for something so cheap I wouldn't want to use myself. Anyway, long story short: We went to Wal-mart on the last Friday before Christmas (December 18th) and I found her something semi-decent. Since she didn't have time on that day to have me set it up at her place, I brought it back with me to complete as much as I could, but told her I would still need to come over to set it up with her wireless connection (she's at the level where she couldn't do that herself), configure her email, set up her printer, etc--an afternoon or evening at the most. I told her I was back at work on January 7th, so I left it up to her to call me whenever she finds time before then. We're now closing in on mid-day, January 6th as I'm writing this. I have basically an afternoon left, she still hasn't called, and quite frankly there's other things I'd rather do with the last afternoon/evening I have before heading back to work. I'm doing this without expecting anything in return; I feel I've been generous with my time (and she's said so herself)--I don't owe anything to this person I otherwise know nothing about. The a-hole in me is starting to feel like if she doesn't call before end of day, I'm going to wait until 9pm tonight, drive to her place, knock on her door, han
I don't think you're over-reacting, and after reading all of the replies and your's - well, you've already taken your action, so I'm not going to recommend anything else. But for what it's worth, I used to be in this position with my wife's family and friends. She could see how it frustrated me, so now she just tells people that I don't do that kind of stuff, that I don't know anything about windows or macs, etc. Basically, she tells them I'm incompetent around computers, despite the fact that I owned my first computer and was coding in assembler back in the 1980s as a kid. Anyhow - for a while she told them I only knew Linux, and nothing else; of course all that is a fat lie, because I can find my way around any system you plop me in front of (ok - I might have difficulties with an old Vaxen or Symbolics Lisp machine - never touched either outside of a museum). But if it's anything consumer related made in past 20 years, I'll probably not have a problem. Heck, even an Amiga or older 8-bit machines aren't entirely out of the question either. But nope - all I know is Linux, stupid on anything else. But of course, now, I don't even know that (maybe I should have my wife tell 'em I only know TempleOS and it would be blasphemy to help unbelievers?)...
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So my sister apparently told a friend of hers that I'm "the computer guy" in the family, so of course I got a call around the middle of last month. She wanted to buy a "newer" computer - she even asked me if I had a second-hand computer I could sell her. I honestly don't, but even if I did, then while my machines work for me, I see no reason anything couldn't flake out a month from now, so if I sell one of my machines I don't want anything to do with it from that point forward--I'm not in the business of selling hardware. She doesn't have much money to spend, but I did convince her it would be a better idea to get a laptop from Wal-Mart (plenty good for her described needs) as it'll come with a warranty and what-not. I have no problem telling people to get PCs/laptops from Wal-Mart, given that their employees don't know their products and don't give a damn about them, so if there's any reason to ask for an exchange or refund, they treat it like it was a toaster; basically no questions asked, whereas if purchased from a more reputable computer store, then requests for exchanges/refunds are typically met with a little more resistance. Aside: While I can certainly understand some people's financial predicaments, man, I *hate* having to make recommendations for something so cheap I wouldn't want to use myself. Anyway, long story short: We went to Wal-mart on the last Friday before Christmas (December 18th) and I found her something semi-decent. Since she didn't have time on that day to have me set it up at her place, I brought it back with me to complete as much as I could, but told her I would still need to come over to set it up with her wireless connection (she's at the level where she couldn't do that herself), configure her email, set up her printer, etc--an afternoon or evening at the most. I told her I was back at work on January 7th, so I left it up to her to call me whenever she finds time before then. We're now closing in on mid-day, January 6th as I'm writing this. I have basically an afternoon left, she still hasn't called, and quite frankly there's other things I'd rather do with the last afternoon/evening I have before heading back to work. I'm doing this without expecting anything in return; I feel I've been generous with my time (and she's said so herself)--I don't owe anything to this person I otherwise know nothing about. The a-hole in me is starting to feel like if she doesn't call before end of day, I'm going to wait until 9pm tonight, drive to her place, knock on her door, han
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So my sister apparently told a friend of hers that I'm "the computer guy" in the family, so of course I got a call around the middle of last month. She wanted to buy a "newer" computer - she even asked me if I had a second-hand computer I could sell her. I honestly don't, but even if I did, then while my machines work for me, I see no reason anything couldn't flake out a month from now, so if I sell one of my machines I don't want anything to do with it from that point forward--I'm not in the business of selling hardware. She doesn't have much money to spend, but I did convince her it would be a better idea to get a laptop from Wal-Mart (plenty good for her described needs) as it'll come with a warranty and what-not. I have no problem telling people to get PCs/laptops from Wal-Mart, given that their employees don't know their products and don't give a damn about them, so if there's any reason to ask for an exchange or refund, they treat it like it was a toaster; basically no questions asked, whereas if purchased from a more reputable computer store, then requests for exchanges/refunds are typically met with a little more resistance. Aside: While I can certainly understand some people's financial predicaments, man, I *hate* having to make recommendations for something so cheap I wouldn't want to use myself. Anyway, long story short: We went to Wal-mart on the last Friday before Christmas (December 18th) and I found her something semi-decent. Since she didn't have time on that day to have me set it up at her place, I brought it back with me to complete as much as I could, but told her I would still need to come over to set it up with her wireless connection (she's at the level where she couldn't do that herself), configure her email, set up her printer, etc--an afternoon or evening at the most. I told her I was back at work on January 7th, so I left it up to her to call me whenever she finds time before then. We're now closing in on mid-day, January 6th as I'm writing this. I have basically an afternoon left, she still hasn't called, and quite frankly there's other things I'd rather do with the last afternoon/evening I have before heading back to work. I'm doing this without expecting anything in return; I feel I've been generous with my time (and she's said so herself)--I don't owe anything to this person I otherwise know nothing about. The a-hole in me is starting to feel like if she doesn't call before end of day, I'm going to wait until 9pm tonight, drive to her place, knock on her door, han
I found a friend who has a small garage shop and enjoys doing this kind of thing. When I get asked I say “I mostly do software work, but I have this friend who is very reasonable and will do you a good job.” Out comes his card, win, win, win, everyone happy.
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So my sister apparently told a friend of hers that I'm "the computer guy" in the family, so of course I got a call around the middle of last month. She wanted to buy a "newer" computer - she even asked me if I had a second-hand computer I could sell her. I honestly don't, but even if I did, then while my machines work for me, I see no reason anything couldn't flake out a month from now, so if I sell one of my machines I don't want anything to do with it from that point forward--I'm not in the business of selling hardware. She doesn't have much money to spend, but I did convince her it would be a better idea to get a laptop from Wal-Mart (plenty good for her described needs) as it'll come with a warranty and what-not. I have no problem telling people to get PCs/laptops from Wal-Mart, given that their employees don't know their products and don't give a damn about them, so if there's any reason to ask for an exchange or refund, they treat it like it was a toaster; basically no questions asked, whereas if purchased from a more reputable computer store, then requests for exchanges/refunds are typically met with a little more resistance. Aside: While I can certainly understand some people's financial predicaments, man, I *hate* having to make recommendations for something so cheap I wouldn't want to use myself. Anyway, long story short: We went to Wal-mart on the last Friday before Christmas (December 18th) and I found her something semi-decent. Since she didn't have time on that day to have me set it up at her place, I brought it back with me to complete as much as I could, but told her I would still need to come over to set it up with her wireless connection (she's at the level where she couldn't do that herself), configure her email, set up her printer, etc--an afternoon or evening at the most. I told her I was back at work on January 7th, so I left it up to her to call me whenever she finds time before then. We're now closing in on mid-day, January 6th as I'm writing this. I have basically an afternoon left, she still hasn't called, and quite frankly there's other things I'd rather do with the last afternoon/evening I have before heading back to work. I'm doing this without expecting anything in return; I feel I've been generous with my time (and she's said so herself)--I don't owe anything to this person I otherwise know nothing about. The a-hole in me is starting to feel like if she doesn't call before end of day, I'm going to wait until 9pm tonight, drive to her place, knock on her door, han
You are overreacting. While the person may be not tech-savy, this is still a mature functioning human being. Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults. Give all the facts (like you did) and expect the person to think about the situation and make a decision. Separate technology from sociology.
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Actual outcome? Had dinner at a restaurant with my folks yesterday evening and came back late; no phonecall, no follow-up, nothing. The laptop's still here (obviously), and I'm *not* gonna be the one calling her to enquire - but setting it up will be on my own schedule (some weekend, not a workday evening). She's gonna have to take it or leave it.
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You are overreacting. While the person may be not tech-savy, this is still a mature functioning human being. Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults. Give all the facts (like you did) and expect the person to think about the situation and make a decision. Separate technology from sociology.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults
Like having the courtesy of letting them know you won't be able to make an appointment with them within the next 2+ week window they've given you? Yeah, I agree with you.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Separate technology from sociology.
I do, and have long concluded that people suck.
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Member 9167057 wrote:
Treat an adult like you're supposed to treat adults
Like having the courtesy of letting them know you won't be able to make an appointment with them within the next 2+ week window they've given you? Yeah, I agree with you.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Separate technology from sociology.
I do, and have long concluded that people suck.
I have read much of the thread (but not all of it). So it can be that you mentioned it already but perhaps that person is waiting for YOU to contact her. You are the specialist in her eyes so she doesn't want to bother you with "is it ready yet"-messages. Perhaps she misunderstood you when you said to call you when she had the time to finish the installation. People are not used to that kind of service any more :-) So instead of getting all frustrated, talk to her. This must the unique, once in a lifetime case where person A said something and person B misunderstood. Since you are a computer guy, you know that never ever happens. :cool:
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I have read much of the thread (but not all of it). So it can be that you mentioned it already but perhaps that person is waiting for YOU to contact her. You are the specialist in her eyes so she doesn't want to bother you with "is it ready yet"-messages. Perhaps she misunderstood you when you said to call you when she had the time to finish the installation. People are not used to that kind of service any more :-) So instead of getting all frustrated, talk to her. This must the unique, once in a lifetime case where person A said something and person B misunderstood. Since you are a computer guy, you know that never ever happens. :cool:
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There's always that possibility, but I had made it pretty clear to her I was gonna wait for her call, and--I forget her exact words, but her response indicated she understood.
Then stop being angry and wait for said call. Or not. The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes? You're the one making trouble here, not her. Here's how to solve this properly: Go on with whatever you're doing usually. When she calls, you still can look into your calendar and see when you have time. When she calls and asks questions on the phone, you still have the possibility to POLITELY decline if you're busy at the moment of the call. Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to. Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
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I spent well over a decade being the go to computer guy in my circle of family and friends until I finally had enough and just flat out refused requests for help, instead providing guidance for obtaining help from professional services. Too much of my personal time spent without anything in return, but frankly that was mostly because I'm a very self-sufficient person, whether it's computer repairs, home repairs, car repairs, even just cooking. I do all that and more myself. More than a decade later, I don't regret that decision one bit.
I also stopped helping people with computers. I had several bad instances but I eventually lost a friend because his dad expected me to be the continuous computer support for his computer and he lived 2 hours away. It's just not worth it. I just say I have an hourly rate and there is a minimum, even for me to look at it, and that sends most people the other way.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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Then stop being angry and wait for said call. Or not. The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes? You're the one making trouble here, not her. Here's how to solve this properly: Go on with whatever you're doing usually. When she calls, you still can look into your calendar and see when you have time. When she calls and asks questions on the phone, you still have the possibility to POLITELY decline if you're busy at the moment of the call. Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to. Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
Member 9167057 wrote:
Then stop being angry and wait for said call.
That's all I've been doing all along.
Member 9167057 wrote:
The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes?
I have the annoying habit of going out of my way to be accommodating towards others who ask for my help. I like to help people solve their problems as soon as they ask for it. The first part's done, we got her that laptop; the next part is completing its setup, which has to be done at her place. I'm being left hanging.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to.
Have you missed the part where I said I still have the laptop with me? It makes no sense to purchase a laptop and leave it with the guy who helped you picking it out. I simply want to get rid of it. If *she* had it, then I'd have no reason whatsoever to care.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
The negativity comes from the fact that I can't complete the work she needs me to do. I had the time over the holidays - right now, not so much. Can you not see why this can turn into a point of frustration?
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Member 9167057 wrote:
Then stop being angry and wait for said call.
That's all I've been doing all along.
Member 9167057 wrote:
The thing is, why on earth do you think that you have to stand-by and jump up the moment the call comes?
I have the annoying habit of going out of my way to be accommodating towards others who ask for my help. I like to help people solve their problems as soon as they ask for it. The first part's done, we got her that laptop; the next part is completing its setup, which has to be done at her place. I'm being left hanging.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Or maybe, just maybe, she figured stuff out. Maybe, just maybe, she knows that you don't owe her anything and doesn't want to bother you unless she really needs to.
Have you missed the part where I said I still have the laptop with me? It makes no sense to purchase a laptop and leave it with the guy who helped you picking it out. I simply want to get rid of it. If *she* had it, then I'd have no reason whatsoever to care.
Member 9167057 wrote:
Think about it, you're turning her not wanting to bother you into something negative. Why are you doing that?
The negativity comes from the fact that I can't complete the work she needs me to do. I had the time over the holidays - right now, not so much. Can you not see why this can turn into a point of frustration?
No, I can't see how this is turning into any frustration. You owe her nothing. Literally nothing. The way you're acting, you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding. Again, you owe her nothing. Just put her laptop someplace (I don't believe that your place is so small, the space taken is the reason for frustration) and when she calls, talk to her like an adult human. When she asks you to do it RIGHT NOW, reply that you had time, she missed the window of opportunity and you have time to do that at [insert your preferred time here]. But she may just as well call and ask you when you'd have time, then you still can reply politely with a suggestion. You're still making a problem where there's none. OMFG, there's someone else's laptop sitting on your shelf collecting dust. That's the only real issue there is in this situation. The rest is your own creation. Your habit to go out of your way to do stuff for others is the source of your frustration. Don't. Just don't. See it this way: If she really needed this all sorted out sooner than later, she would have called you. But she hasn't so she doesn't. But it's HER who needs help sorting things out, not you. If she doesn't need it sorted out, why do you even care? You're not being left hanging. You're not waiting for anyone to do anything for you. You can just go on with your life as you did before. You don't have to wait for her call, you don't have to stand by pretending you're a firefighter. Just live on. When she calls, make an appointment when you have time. I repeat, when YOU have time, not her. To put it in nerd speak, don't keep this whole topic paged in all the time. Page it out. Move the page file into a tape deck and archive the tape at the far away corner of the data center. Only when the topic is called for, then it makes sense to recall the page file from the tape and page the memory in. until then, keep it paged out, archived. Forget about it. Literally forget about it. Well, that's unless you change places. When you move, then it would be rather polite to call her and ask WTF you're supposed to do with the laptop sitting on your shelf 3 years.
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No, I can't see how this is turning into any frustration. You owe her nothing. Literally nothing. The way you're acting, you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding. Again, you owe her nothing. Just put her laptop someplace (I don't believe that your place is so small, the space taken is the reason for frustration) and when she calls, talk to her like an adult human. When she asks you to do it RIGHT NOW, reply that you had time, she missed the window of opportunity and you have time to do that at [insert your preferred time here]. But she may just as well call and ask you when you'd have time, then you still can reply politely with a suggestion. You're still making a problem where there's none. OMFG, there's someone else's laptop sitting on your shelf collecting dust. That's the only real issue there is in this situation. The rest is your own creation. Your habit to go out of your way to do stuff for others is the source of your frustration. Don't. Just don't. See it this way: If she really needed this all sorted out sooner than later, she would have called you. But she hasn't so she doesn't. But it's HER who needs help sorting things out, not you. If she doesn't need it sorted out, why do you even care? You're not being left hanging. You're not waiting for anyone to do anything for you. You can just go on with your life as you did before. You don't have to wait for her call, you don't have to stand by pretending you're a firefighter. Just live on. When she calls, make an appointment when you have time. I repeat, when YOU have time, not her. To put it in nerd speak, don't keep this whole topic paged in all the time. Page it out. Move the page file into a tape deck and archive the tape at the far away corner of the data center. Only when the topic is called for, then it makes sense to recall the page file from the tape and page the memory in. until then, keep it paged out, archived. Forget about it. Literally forget about it. Well, that's unless you change places. When you move, then it would be rather polite to call her and ask WTF you're supposed to do with the laptop sitting on your shelf 3 years.
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No, I can't see how this is turning into any frustration. You owe her nothing. Literally nothing. The way you're acting, you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding. Again, you owe her nothing. Just put her laptop someplace (I don't believe that your place is so small, the space taken is the reason for frustration) and when she calls, talk to her like an adult human. When she asks you to do it RIGHT NOW, reply that you had time, she missed the window of opportunity and you have time to do that at [insert your preferred time here]. But she may just as well call and ask you when you'd have time, then you still can reply politely with a suggestion. You're still making a problem where there's none. OMFG, there's someone else's laptop sitting on your shelf collecting dust. That's the only real issue there is in this situation. The rest is your own creation. Your habit to go out of your way to do stuff for others is the source of your frustration. Don't. Just don't. See it this way: If she really needed this all sorted out sooner than later, she would have called you. But she hasn't so she doesn't. But it's HER who needs help sorting things out, not you. If she doesn't need it sorted out, why do you even care? You're not being left hanging. You're not waiting for anyone to do anything for you. You can just go on with your life as you did before. You don't have to wait for her call, you don't have to stand by pretending you're a firefighter. Just live on. When she calls, make an appointment when you have time. I repeat, when YOU have time, not her. To put it in nerd speak, don't keep this whole topic paged in all the time. Page it out. Move the page file into a tape deck and archive the tape at the far away corner of the data center. Only when the topic is called for, then it makes sense to recall the page file from the tape and page the memory in. until then, keep it paged out, archived. Forget about it. Literally forget about it. Well, that's unless you change places. When you move, then it would be rather polite to call her and ask WTF you're supposed to do with the laptop sitting on your shelf 3 years.
Member 9167057 wrote:
you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding.
That's probably what's stressing me out. *Based on past (and very real) experience*, some people have no problem leaving me hanging for however long it suits them, but the instant they decide something needs to be done, then they feel I should be making it a priority. Hey, I've "had this long to prepare for it", apparently. Some people need to learn to say no. I fully admit I'm one of them.
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Member 9167057 wrote:
you seem to expect her to call you anytime yelling at you, asking for you to do her bidding RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW (or maybe next Saturday at 4 in the morning) and you seem to feel obliged to follow her bidding.
That's probably what's stressing me out. *Based on past (and very real) experience*, some people have no problem leaving me hanging for however long it suits them, but the instant they decide something needs to be done, then they feel I should be making it a priority. Hey, I've "had this long to prepare for it", apparently. Some people need to learn to say no. I fully admit I'm one of them.
Maybe doing what I'm doing will suit you better than your current attitude. I usually am a helpful person, when someone asks me for help, I reply. Be it about technical stuff or anything else (separating technology from sociology). When it's something small and I have a couple moments (which I usually have), that's not an issue. If it's something bigger, I reply with "Look, that'll take time, I'm busy ATM. I can call you in 3 days at 15:30, then I'll have plenty of time." Something like that. When the person is a functioning mature human, they understand. The moment someone goes "But I want you to oblige to my terms", I tell them off. The trick here is to go into this open-minded. People asking me for help aren't random strangers, they're friends or friends of friends. Since I don't surround myself with morons, chances are high, they'll understand. I don't assume the worst from the get-go but when someone stresses me, I close it immediately. That way, I am still helpful but don't stress myself out. You said earlier that this person is rather aware that you don't owe her anything and doing quite the favor here without anything in return but a warmhearted "thank you" (which is still rewarding if it's honest). Chances are, she won't treat you like a slave. No need to assume the worst here.