what is the best way?
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nah, they just open another account with their friends for "private" stuff. all you get that's real is the occasional "oops, posted to the wrong account."
after many otherwise intelligent sounding suggestions that achieved nothing the nice folks at Technet said the only solution was to low level format my hard disk then reinstall my signature. Sadly, this still didn't fix the issue!
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Trust is the best way, and always make your kids feel safe and welcome at home. don't go putting up fences (internet filters etc) - it absolutely destroys trust (no matter what you say) - once trust is gone forget about them coming to you when in trouble. Why so permissive, why no fences? If you put up fences or tell them not to do something, guess what: they will do it anyway, but now do it somewhere else, ...somewhere probably less safe, somewhere where you can't quickly step in and help if things go wrong. After some events (friends over and some alcohol drunk, somebody sleeps over) I have a little chat (not lecture), "what did you achieve by getting drunk? (or just cussing etc)" "did you really impress your friends in a meaningful way?" "what did you get from it that's useful?" I'll also throw in a "hows school going?" - if they start spouting results I'll stop them and ask again "hows life at school?" (you realise that's a 'trust opening/building' question - and of course if there are issues then discuss solutions - THEIR solutions (with guidance) - shows you are interested in them, shows you trust them, you trust their opinion - the academic results will follow. once in a while (much less often) they still have a gathering/stay over but it's more self controlled, still safe, and sometimes they'll even get apologies after. I tell them "fine, glad it didn't get too stupid, everyone is OK right." Don;t expect your kids to be monks or nuns. I trust them, they trust me, I keep them safe, they feel that, they respect that,they respect my opinion with love, not begrudgingly obey, not pay lip service to me. both kids did well at school - without pressure, now doing really well at uni, on their own. trust matters most - absolutely don't put up fences (NO internet filters and forced on-line curfews: 100% = you don't trust them). - avoid out of the blue "let's talk" - they ALWAYS take that as fishing for reasons not to trust them. -- which/please honestly examine yourself: it really is fishing for reasons not to trust / allow them to do something. The time to talk is AFTER a wild night (even then stick to the "what did YOU get out of it" - let them examine their own experience and take aways ...not "what if" or "you are lucky X didn't happen" or "don't do that again" - because they will and to avoid you finding out perhaps at an even higher risk level. Edit: internet filters are just electronic window bars. 100% trust killers. Edit 2: no trust is perceived as no
I agree entirely. I trust my kids with everything so I don't bother teaching them anything. Who needs filters? Wimps do, that's who. I don't even have doors on my house because my kids will not trust me. They'll think I am trying to lock them up. Bedtimes? No way! Rules? Heck no! Chores? No way, I want my kids to like me and trust me. :doh: :doh: :doh: :omg: :omg: :omg:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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ZurdoDev wrote:
Don't read more than I wrote. I never said not trusting your kid. That would also be bad parenting.
You implied that those who have raised kids know "better". Might have been a jest, but was not recognizable as one and people reading may not take it as such. So no, not reading anything more than you wrote. If you don't trust your kid, limit their access. Same rules apply on your bosses network btw.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You implied that those who have raised kids know "better".
Yes, we know better. You can't just trust your kids and leave it at that. That's being a lazy parent. Of course you need to build trust with your kids but not at the expense of not parenting anymore. :wtf: So, yes, you did read into it something I didn't write. Not every post is black or white, there can be in-between. :doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Since you're German the child has certain rights. If you want to watch/spy on her activities, you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. Similarly to a daily journal; the child has right to privacy. You're allowed to block stuff on your router to limit access, but not to spy, or even read her SMS messages. Simple as that. "Das Recht auf Privatsphäre gilt als Menschenrecht". Privatsphäre von Kindern: Hinterherschnüffeln gehört sich nicht[^]
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Since you're German the child has certain rights.
While children do have rights, nowhere does it say that one of these rights is to a phone. Parenting does not end with food, clothing, and shelter; it is also parents' responsibility to ensure that their children are safe. Access to a mobile phone is, like using the family car (for older teens), a privilege. If children are unwilling to abide by reasonable rules for using either, they should lose the privilege.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. -- 6079 Smith W.
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I agree entirely. I trust my kids with everything so I don't bother teaching them anything. Who needs filters? Wimps do, that's who. I don't even have doors on my house because my kids will not trust me. They'll think I am trying to lock them up. Bedtimes? No way! Rules? Heck no! Chores? No way, I want my kids to like me and trust me. :doh: :doh: :doh: :omg: :omg: :omg:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
funny tslking about teenagers, kids that can out whiz anyone over 50 40 30 on a phone, kids that see what their friends can do and will try it regardless, kids that don't believe their parents are on their side for anything they peceive as fun. safe environment. chores were introduced earlier, bed times (actually mine both had a go at fighting it so I let them stay up on a school night, next morning: "off to school" - the law says I have to send them and that was explained. Few other [controlled] cases where I'd let them fail [their choice what they did] to teach the lesson. Soon after that I didn't even have to remind them. Absolutely fine kids, beyond teens now they still come back for advice or just to hang out. Even money they sort out on their own (of course important things where they're struggling I'll help and won't even hint that I expect it back.) My whole families like that, and we regularly all gather together or just show up a each others place, borrow stuff, help ourselves to whats in the fridge, (4 generations) not out of obligation, but because we all just get along.
after many otherwise intelligent sounding suggestions that achieved nothing the nice folks at Technet said the only solution was to low level format my hard disk then reinstall my signature. Sadly, this still didn't fix the issue!
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You implied that those who have raised kids know "better".
Yes, we know better. You can't just trust your kids and leave it at that. That's being a lazy parent. Of course you need to build trust with your kids but not at the expense of not parenting anymore. :wtf: So, yes, you did read into it something I didn't write. Not every post is black or white, there can be in-between. :doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
ZurdoDev wrote:
So, yes, you did read into it something I didn't write. Not every post is black or white, there can be in-between. :doh:
You did not post it that way; the way it is formulated, it implies, whether you did so intentionally or not, and it does whether you like it or not.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Since you're German the child has certain rights.
While children do have rights, nowhere does it say that one of these rights is to a phone. Parenting does not end with food, clothing, and shelter; it is also parents' responsibility to ensure that their children are safe. Access to a mobile phone is, like using the family car (for older teens), a privilege. If children are unwilling to abide by reasonable rules for using either, they should lose the privilege.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. -- 6079 Smith W.
Daniel Pfeffer wrote:
While children do have rights, nowhere does it say that one of these rights is to a phone.
If they can afford one and are on an age where that is a normal expense, then yes, it is.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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ZurdoDev wrote:
So, yes, you did read into it something I didn't write. Not every post is black or white, there can be in-between. :doh:
You did not post it that way; the way it is formulated, it implies, whether you did so intentionally or not, and it does whether you like it or not.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy, you are one stubborn old fool. :laugh: Can't admit when you are wrong. Implication is in the eye of the beholder. :doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Eddy, you are one stubborn old fool. :laugh: Can't admit when you are wrong. Implication is in the eye of the beholder. :doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
ZurdoDev wrote:
Can't admit when you are wrong.
I can, and would, when I am.
ZurdoDev wrote:
Implication is in the eye of the beholder. :doh:
No, in the use of language.
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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Having been in that position before (two teenage daughters), I would suggest: 1. Sit down with her, and explain the dangers of internet access. You may want to acknowledge the advantages as well, just to show that you're not against internet use, only irresponsible internet use. 2. Once you have explained the dangers, explain why you wish to install an anti-virus/"family content" filter package on her phone. Emphasize that this is not so you can spy on her, but so she is not victimized by the bad actors on the internet. 3. Most of these "family content" filters allow for custom restrictions and/or monitoring the children's surfing habits. Set the options according to what you want, and tell your daughter that you are doing so. For example, some "family content" filters allow banning certain categories of sites, etc. 4. Your daughter will still be able to remove the package from her phone, but you will know it (no surfing reported?), and can take appropriate steps. Let her know what these steps will be. I hope this helps. (I haven't given recommendations for packages, because (a) I don't know what is current, and (b) it's against site policy as I understand it.)
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. -- 6079 Smith W.
I'll agree with others who say that--in short--the solution isn't a technology one. Anti-virus/anti-spyware/anti-malware/whatever you want to call them on phones is typically described as having dubious value and only brings a false sense of security, and some try to pass themselves off as security software but do the exact opposite. As for "family content" filters...well, nothing's perfect. To me the only thing they do is communicate the parent's lack of trust. Are they worth that price? Personal observation: For g*d's sake, why do teens feel they need to bring a phone to the bathroom? Nothing good can come out of that. The various "celebrity leaks" should demonstrate that whatever they do with them in there is not secure. Must be a generation thing, because I don't get it.
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Finally a response with some common sense. :thumbsup:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
ZurdoDev wrote:
Finally a response with some common sense.
These things take a while around here. :laugh:
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Lousy argument to try and justify the "not trusting";
Don't read more than I wrote. I never said not trusting your kid. That would also be bad parenting.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
he's just trolling you.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
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Clearly not a parent. :doh:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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he's just trolling you.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
Slacker007 wrote:
he's just trolling you.
You could be right, but I've seen enough of Eddy's posts to know that he's too arrogant to think he might have misunderstood something. The guy never makes a mistake. :-D
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Slacker007 wrote:
he's just trolling you.
You could be right, but I've seen enough of Eddy's posts to know that he's too arrogant to think he might have misunderstood something. The guy never makes a mistake. :-D
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
Eddy is an asshole. simple as that.
It's much easier to enjoy the favor of both friend and foe, and not give a damn who's who. -- Lon Milo DuQuette
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Since you're German the child has certain rights. If you want to watch/spy on her activities, you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. Similarly to a daily journal; the child has right to privacy. You're allowed to block stuff on your router to limit access, but not to spy, or even read her SMS messages. Simple as that. "Das Recht auf Privatsphäre gilt als Menschenrecht". Privatsphäre von Kindern: Hinterherschnüffeln gehört sich nicht[^]
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. S
If you are correct (which is questionable) then this is just one more reason I'm glad I don't live there. :wtf:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Eddy Vluggen wrote:
you can only legally do so if you have her permission to do so. S
If you are correct (which is questionable) then this is just one more reason I'm glad I don't live there. :wtf:
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
UN conventions of the child. Look them up; most civilized countries have laws that implement that. You like most people; want control, but dislike being controlled :D Children have rights, simple as that. That's a lot better than when they didn't (like Roman times). --edit And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar? :mad:
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
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UN conventions of the child. Look them up; most civilized countries have laws that implement that. You like most people; want control, but dislike being controlled :D Children have rights, simple as that. That's a lot better than when they didn't (like Roman times). --edit And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar? :mad:
Bastard Programmer from Hell :suss: If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^] "If you just follow the bacon Eddy, wherever it leads you, then you won't have to think about politics." -- Some Bell.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
UN conventions of the child
First it was Germany. Now it's the UN?
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
You like most people; want control
Nope, I'm not a Democrat. It's adorable though that you think you can figure me out. :-D
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
Look them up
Oh, I thought maybe you actually knew what you were saying.
Eddy Vluggen wrote:
And why are you trying to imply I might not be correct? Are you calling me a liar?
Nope. Just delusional.
Social Media - A platform that makes it easier for the crazies to find each other. Everyone is born right handed. Only the strongest overcome it. Fight for left-handed rights and hand equality.
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Maybe the best way would be to respect her privacy? :confused:
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Speaking of a parent of three, I totally agree. One of the tenants of parenting is trust. It will not end well if you look at her activity on the "sly". If you ask to see her activity, she will feel that she is not trustworthy, and this will not end well. Letting the "Mrs" handle it, you'll loose relationship points with your daughter. Education if always the key. Sit her down, talk about online dangers. Let her know that you can be counted on as a safety net if anything (no matter how embarrassing) happens.
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So having a teen daughter who spends most of the free time (after doing school work and watching Netflix ) in smartphone, what should be the best approach regarding watching her activity 1. Asking Mrs to handle it? 2. Ask her to voluntary show the activity? 3. checking the phone on the sly? Her iTunes ,spotify account is linked to my Credit card so I know she is not doing any useless purchase. She has two Insta, tik tok, snap account which is private as well public
cheers,
Super
------------------------------------------ Too much of good is bad,mix some evil in it
Ask her about her thoughts on "internet / social safety" and parental responsibility.
It was only in wine that he laid down no limit for himself, but he did not allow himself to be confused by it. ― Confucian Analects: Rules of Confucius about his food
